So Long, Farewell

Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye

I hate quiting almost anything except diets, of course. In fact, I had to quit my high school job at Claire's twice. The first time, my boss talked me out of it.

Sadly, my time at Motley Moms has come to an end. I would really like to sugar-coat this by saying, this is just a break; but the truth is, it is time for me to move on. My wonderful little boy keeps me busy in ways that are quite different than what most typical families face. I hope to find a place to share my stories with other special needs families.

I wish you all the best of luck, and please keep in touch on Facebook or via email! I am so glad our paths have crossed.

Love, Pam

Mixed Metaphors of Motherhood

Lately, situations around our house have left me thinking, "This is the stuff only cockroaches survive." My THIS is motherhood - everyday life - or more specifically our lives. Jon and Kate had one thing right, "It may be a crazy life, but it's our life." We have spent the better part of the last two weeks in meetings at school and at specialists to come up with some plans to help Alex be his best. It is a constant balancing act between picking your battles instead of fighting over every issue, and being tactful and assertive instead of being offensive and demeaning.

Picture me as a street performer at Mallory Square in Key West. Who knows why, but I have decided to spin plates. Oh, how I would love to be in Mallory Square right now!

Plate one - advocating for my child's education. It's a swirly plate representing lunch recess, speech therapy and school lunch. I want Alex to be happy and enjoy life. I truly do not care about how smart he is, but I do expect the school to do what they can to help him do his best. They think I am an overachiever who can't handle the fact that my son might be average. BTW - the THEY is his teachers at our public school.

So add in another plate. I see the shortcomings of his current education yet my husband teaches for the same school district. As my son fake farts in my face, which he learned at school, I can't help but complain all the while I am using their pay to provide a roof over our head!

Plate three - my husband coaches varsity basketball. It is a little known fact, but everyone in the world knows more about basketball than the coach, and they are quite happy to say so. Last Thursday, I was sandwiched between my husband's team (we sit right behind the bench) and some loud angry fans from the other team. Alex was clinging to my lap usually crying because his dad was yelling at the guys, or he was hungry or he wanted to go on a walk. My hands were pressed firmly over hears the WHOLE time. The fans behind us spent most of their time criticizing my husband to the point where I was going to have to confront them. I said a silent prayer asking God to help them be quiet or to give me the courage I needed. Fortunately, I didn't have to say anything, but I am not going to let some stranger put down my son's father in front of him. Ironically, we sit behind the bench because it is the best place to avoid most of the criticism.

Plate four - dishes, cooking, cleaning, paying bills all to be done in the four free hours I have while my son is at school.

Plate five - stress eating. I could really use some comfort food to help me balance all of these other plates, but if I eat enough chocolate to make all of this other stuff right, I will not have any clothes to wear!

Plate six - exercise would really help me deal with some of this stress, but plate four is really tricky and takes a lot of time to balance.

Plate seven - I really just want to have fun with my child. I want to bake cookies and play with toys. I want to teach him to read and blow bubbles in the house. Yet, everyday life creeps in. We get up late and are rushing for school. Before 8:30 on most days I am apologizing to him or he is apologizing to me. He will only be five once, and he now has to ability to remember things! I only get one shot to make this a fun time in his life. Yet, I can't bake cookies everyday. See plate five!

Plate eight - my taxes have not started figuring themselves, so I guess I need to work on that too!

Plate nine - money. I am so lucky to stay at home, but that means money is really tight right now. A quick fix to a lot of our problems would be a little more cash. I could buy more clothes if I ate too much chocolate. I could hire my own speech therapist. I could pay for a personal trainer to help me work off the chocolate, and so on and so on.

Plate ten - my Norton antivirus software has expired and is holding all of my online passwords hostage! I need to pay my bills online but can't remember my log in ID or password. I can buy the new version of Norton, but I am waiting until it goes on sale, see plate nine. Must call bank soon!

I can share this with you because I know all of you are also keeping a handful of plates spinning above your heads too. Some of our plates are different, some are the same. Some of us have very large heavy plates that threaten to crush our families. For you, I am saying extra big prayers that you can keep those plates spinning for as long as it takes. I am thankful that my plates are small and manageable, but I am still tired. I am like a salmon constantly swimming upstream, and I just want to stop and enjoy the swim for a while.

Now, I am trying to learn how to drop some of these plates. On Saturday, I went out for a day alone just to be by myself. I went shopping in Iowa and had to cross a very scary bridge to get there. I had a great day, and it was great to forget about the plates for just a short time.

Really?

Hello--long time, no blog. I can't give you a great reason for my absence and tardiness in posting, but it has been an interesting few days/weeks.

First, our computer crashed. Thank you, thank you to Karly and everyone else who suggested that we get an external hard drive because we did and we only lost one month's worth of data, not an entire five years. It was a few days before we made it to the computer store, so I was off-line for a little while. That led to...

the potty-training of our anti-potty-training son. The weather was bad, we had no appointments on the calendar, and I had nothing to distract me, so we dug in our heels and and I am happy to say that the little guy now wears underwear unless he is sleeping. Woohoo! :)

This is what is on my mind today, though--I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the expectations of others (particularly people who do not live in my house). You know, I volunteer, I send cards, I try to help where I can when I can, but I'll be honest--it seems like nothing is really "enough" anymore in some areas of my life. Can anyone relate to that? It may just be part of being a mom and living in the stay-at-home mom culture, but it's frustrating. I mean, sure, I could probably do more, but I don't really WANT to. How do you draw the line in your activities?

Well, that's all I have for today. Hope you're having a great week!

One More Random Thought

I am sorry for posting on today - not my day but someone else's. I just remembered my one other random thought.

8. Have you seen the ads for American cheese professing how great it is, and that it is a cheese Americans can be proud of? Really, do we collectively as a nation want to be known for American cheese? Sure, our kids probably eat their weight in it each year, but as far as cheese goes, is American the taste and quality that we want to be known for?

Random Thoughts

We interrupt this regularly scheduled post to bring you some random thoughts. Due to the snow storm last week and a 4 1/2 day weekend, I haven't had a lot of alone time lately. As a result, you should not expect this post to be profound or insightful. I will, however, share with you a few of the random thoughts floating around in my head.

1. Kids seem to move at only two speeds - slower than you would like and faster than you would like.

2. The Dave Matthews Band formed 20 years ago - in 1990. Let this sink in for a minute. Hey, wait, I remember their first album. That was in 1990, hmmm, but 1990 was just a few years ago. They can't be that old. They're too cool to be old. Pause to do math in head - then to quote Penny from The Big Bang Theory, "Holy crap on a cracker." 1990 was 20 years ago. Wait a minute, that would make me.......almost 20 years out of high school?!

3. This weekend we were waiting at a gas station to, of all things, get gas. All of the pumps were full, so we were waiting behind this car. The man pumped the gas and went into pay. After waiting five minutes, we noticed there was a lady sitting in the drivers seat just sitting there! She just kept waiting and waiting. Finally, some of the pumps on the other side opened so we went over there while she continued to wait. After they finally decided to move, they needed to get air in their tires. I really wanted to block them in for about 10 minutes, but of course I would never do that. Wouldn't that have been funny? I have a really dark alter-ego, but I do my best to keep her hidden.

4. A mother's love is fierce and is exemplified in a mother sea turtle. She treks, voyages and journeys across the open seas year after year to return to the same beach to lay her eggs.

5. Lately I find myself saying everything twice to doctors, teachers at school and even friends. I am not sure why that is, but it seems like I am saying everything twice :).

6. Per Psychology Today in a 2004 study, the average woman uses 7,000 words per day. I am convinced that we are only repeating the same few words over and over: No, Stop, Please, Don't and Potty (not necessarily in that order).

7. Finally, if you would like to feel better about yourself, make sure to check out Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. This season stars Bobby Brown, K-Fed, and Sebastian Bach.

Since this post lacks wisdom, motherly advice or tips for better living, please feel free to share with the group. Happy Monday!

Sorry no post...

Sorry for the "no post" this week. We had my son's 2nd birthday party today and I am pooped!

BUT...

I will post pictures of the really great time we all had! I threw a construction themed party with builder games, builder food, and builder decor so stay tuned for that next week! For now I am going to rest! : )

Thank You, From the Bottom of my Chart

I used to be so good about writing thank you notes for anything and everything. If someone did something thoughtful or invited me over for coffee or gave me a gift, a handwritten note (in calligraphy, no less) was soon to follow.

Fast forward to Christmas 2009...I was so grateful to have received only a small handful of gifts this year. I thought, "Oh, thank goodness, I only have to write four thank you notes!" Never  mind the lovely dinners, cookie parties, and playdates surrounding Christmas...I just can't keep up with that level of handwritten appreciation anymore!

But now I have not only my own thank you notes to write, but the kids' thank you's as well! I took them to the dollar store and let them each pick their own pack of thank you cards, just to give them some ownership over the whole process. We made a chart for each kid with the gifts they received and the name of the giver, to be crossed off as the note is written. Our 6-year-old is painstakingly handwriting his own notes, and with his birthday just three days after Christmas, we let him combine both celebrations into one thank you note. He still isn't finished.

Last year, I made him draw a picture of each gift inside blank cards. When he finally finished all his artwork, I am so ashamed to admit that I completely lost his cards, his list of gifts and givers, and the envelopes (which I had already addressed). Those never got sent.

While KID 1 can just barely write his own thank you's this year, KID 2 can NOT, thank you very much. It is apparently my job to thank everyone for her gifts. I've tried having her "decorate" the cards herself in the past, but it becomes tedious for her and she finds something else to do before she's reached the second card.

I've heard of parents taking a picture of the kids with their gifts, but that just seems like extra work for me. Finding the gifts, taking the photo while berating the child in question to "smile like you really like your present!" and then actually having the photos printed and included in each appropriate envelope...I am SO not doing that.

How do you show friends and family appreciation for your kids' gifts? Any ideas for making the process a little easier?

Over-Extended Christmas

This year our Christmas was less like Norman Rockwell and more like Rocky and Bullwinkle. The three Carvers left our house on Wednesday, drove eight hours to southern Indiana, and spent a day and a half with my husband's family. On Christmas day, we again loaded up the family truckster to drive four hours to my parents. One short day and a half later, we packed up all of our goods and spent seven hours driving the four-hour trip back to our house through a winter storm.

We still have to purchase and open our gifts, and I still have Christmas cards to mail! I even have a few more things I need to finish making! Alex is strung out from eating his weight in food additives and preservatives, and I am too shell-shocked to even decide when Santa should leave his gift for Alex.

Last year, we celebrated our Christmas on the Orthodox Christmas in January because we were traveling and that is when most Russians celebrate Christmas. That way we could incorporate some of Alex's Russian heritage. While that is a good plan, I am wondering if Alex is missing out on something by not being at his own home for Christmas...?

The only thing I know for sure is that I can NEVER celebrate Christmas like this again. Does anyone have good ideas for balancing Christmas with extended families who live out of town? I hope your Christmas was merry and bright no matter where you were, and I would love to hear your ideas - good or bad :)

Top Ten Reasons Why I Will NOT be posting a Deep, Inspired, or Thought-Provoking Blog Today

10. I was up way too late last night watching Doogie Houser, I mean, Neil Patrick Harris host the Emmy’s.

9. After reading Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (Thanks, Lindsay!!), I am now on a limited cash based budget. I spent several hours today buying groceries, cleaning out refrigerator to make room for the groceries, and putting up the groceries.

8. My adorable, energetic ADD and SPD child is having a tough transition to our new home, town, and preschool. We currently have no effective way to discipline or motivate him. Redirecting, reasoning, bribing, threatening, bargaining, begging, and pleading are not working! 1-2-3 Magic is no longer magical, and my mom’s bag of tricks is empty.

7. Due to the stress of #8, I have been baking and eating everything imaginable: grape jelly, homemade rolls, pumpkin muffins and chocolate chip cookies.

6. After eating all of the baked goods from #7, I have now had to add 45 minutes of exercise to my daily routine so that my “fat pants” will still fit!

5. On Labor Day weekend, I fell off of a donkey. There is a video, but I cannot post it as I have sent it in to America’s Funniest Home Videos.

4. Last Thursday, I went with Alex on his preschool field trip. The trip included a lovely two-hour, round-trip school bus ride with 20 preschoolers to a pumpkin patch fully equipped with outdoor port-a-potties. For added fun, we played in a corn-filled pit and took a wagon ride out to the pumpkin patch.

3. Due to the combined effects of #5 and #4, on Friday, I spent the whole day on the couch. I couldn’t even crawl to the computer.

2. Over the weekend, I spent much time trying to make Facebook lists so I could email all of my friends and ask them to sponsor me in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure I am walking with my sister-in-law, only to find that Facebook emails can only add lists with 20 names or less at one time. Many of you have already sponsored us, but if you would like to sponsor either me, Alex or Charlie, you can click here: Louisville's Race for the Cure.

1. My highly reliable and always there for me, cable, phone and internet combo were out all afternoon. Seriously, CBS has all new episodes of How I Met Your Mother, CSI Miami, and Big Bang Theory - our new favorite. Do they want me to have a heart-attack?

Random Ramblings and Falling IQ's

I used to be eloquent. I could remember exactly what I wanted to say, even in the middle of saying it. I could speak intelligently, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. People understood me. I remembered dates, times, names, and faces with no problem. I could make a phone call and remember who I called, even after several rings.

Now, I have to glance at my phone screen to see whose number I dialed. Sometimes even after they have answered. WHAT is that?!

I make plans, immediately forget to write it on my calendar, and then recall the check I wrote for an event I should be at right now. Surprise!

I garble my words, especially when I'm tired. No one can understand me. Not even me. And then I forget what I was trying to say in the middle of saying it.

I can NEVER think of the word I want. It stays cemented to the tip of my brain, taunting me with the knowledge of its existence and my inability to deliver it.

Now I just go on and on about random things like Quakers and furniture and lack of sufficient discipline all in one speech that should be about, I don't know, say "summer vacation." And it doesn't even occur to me that it's unusual until I realize people are jokingly referring to my propensity for winding speeches involving Quakers, removal of furniture, and discipline. Hm.

Who is this person? Is motherhood to blame? Has my IQ actually dropped because of it? WHAT is going on?

Hello, my name is Fawnda, and I am a blog-oholic!

I am TOTALLY addicted to blogging. I am constantly checking my blogs to see if I got any comments or to see how many new hits I got. I am compulsive about it. I used to think that I could stop any time I wanted... but then I started to get the shakes (Must. Check. Blog.)

I started with my personal blog. Simple enough. We wanted to inform our family about our adoption process, and we would be updating it when we got any news. Once we brought our little king home we would update with his progress , pictures and videos. I maybe update this once a week... sometimes less if nothing exciting is going on.

Then, I started a craft blog with DIY projects that my best friend Jeannine (you have probably seen her comment here) and I work on. It is called Fireflies and Jellybeans (I know shameless plug!). It has been a really fun outlet for my creativity. I also like the challenge of finding the next project. We are trying to get traffic to the blog, so I submit our projects to other sites to be featured. This blog is a bit more work than my personal one.

Now, I am also writing here. This is also a great outlet and support for my mommy needs. I love the group here, and I like being able to write a post about my experiences.

So, that makes three blogs. It would be manageable if I left it at that, but I don't! I also check several other blogs. I look and comment on other people's fabulous blogs. I can spend HOURS and HOURS blog hopping, completely ignoring my house and child at times. This is not good. It is the first thing I want to do when I wake up and the last thing I do before I go to bed.

I need a blogging break. I need life to be more balanced. I am NOT signing off here! I am just informing you that I am going to go on an internet fast this week. No internet, blogs, e-mail for a week. I need to cut myself off for a bit, so I can get into a new routine. I hope to go for a bike ride with my son (with my new-to-me bike and trailer), go to the park, clean my house, read more books, finish some projects, take a nap, see some friends, and other fun things. I also want to get into a different morning routine. I think that getting up, putting my kid in the high chair and reading blogs on my computer is not the best thing for him! I also would like to do a better job with my bible study. I am starting a new Beth Moore study tomorrow with wonderful ladies from my church.

I'm not saying that the internet is bad... It is a great place to connect with other people. I have made many dear blog friends (from this site especially). But, too much of a good thing... is not a good thing. I will be back next week (and read all your comments then)! I just hope I don't get too shakey!

*I just want you to know that I scheduled this blog last week so I am not breaking my fast! : ) I love that scheduled option! : ) *

How do you stay balanced?

G-R-O-U-C-H-Y Spells Mommy

I normally NEVER raise my voice at my kids. I usually talk them through their behavior, offering choices and calmly doling out consequences. "Keep your hands to yourself, or you will go to your room for timeout. It's your choice." Praise comes easily, and I usually have no problem finding something good to hoot over. "You went poops in the potty? Wow! What a BIG GIRL!" "Thank you for putting your plate in the dishwasher without even being asked. Great job!"

But that is not the Mommy heard around our house these last two weeks. I can hardly stand myself sometimes. My poor children bear the brunt of this growly grouch that snaps and snarls at my kids for the slightest provocation. I try not to roar, but I'm afraid I've let loose a few too many times lately. Why? Fighting off a cold, not sleeping well, and, quite honestly, facing a lot of changes in our lives has me apologizing to the kids daily...sometimes several times in a day. I just can't find my patience. "LET'S GO! GET A MOVE ON!" "If you don't climb up into your car seat in two shakes, your bottom's gonna be hurtin'!" "WHO FLUSHED THE BROKEN POTTY???!!!"

The bad thing is, this is a vicious cycle. When I get upset with my kids, it just escalates their behavior. They see me throwing Mommy versions of a temper tantrum and they just give it right back. This has GOT to stop. I don't want to be this kind of mom. My stress is totally transferring to the kids, and they are just innocent bystanders. Little witnesses to my "Monster Mom" transformations.

I'm tired of apologizing to my little ones and feeling guilty for my behavior. I have a feeling part of my problem is a total lack of exercise. Exercise is so good in so many ways: it releases "feel good" chemicals in your brain to improve your mood, it's a great outlet for aggression, it helps to reduce stress, and your body just works better when it works out regularly. So I'm thinking I need to get my move on, for me AND for the sake of my family. They'll never thank me for not roaring at them, but they might never get over it if I don't find a way to banish the grouch.

What do you do when you feel "Monster Mom" coming on?

I Am Woman, Hear Me...Whimper

I rarely EVER ask for help. That's not a bragging right, it's more a confession. Convincing myself and others that I can do it all is really not good for anyone. Especially me. I am not superwoman. There. I said it.

It's not good for my daughter to see me striving to do all and be all...what kind of precedent am I setting here? I want my kids to know that it's okay to ask for help. Or to accept help when it's offered.

A friend of mine recently offered to take my kids to the park to give me a little break for an hour or so. She had noticed how tired, stressed and generally underwhelmed I have been lately and generously offered her time in order to give me some time for myself. I was extremely reluctant to accept this help. Why? I guess I've fallen under the delusion that I can handle it all, all the time. I'm home with my kids all day and I'm used to doing everything with them in tow.

Everything except taking time for myself. Writing. Reflecting. Relaxing. Praying. Creating. Very little creativity happens for me if my kids are around. I just can't put my thoughts together enough to generate a creative work when I can hear my kids pounding around the house and yelling at each other. Not possible.

So I forced myself to accept my sweet friend's offer (fully intending to reciprocate somehow for her) and I am looking forward to a morning's hour alone. Wow! To be alone in my own home? I don't think that has happened on a weekday in years. I can't decide what to do first: take a quiet shower? A nap? Start working on character and setting for my currently very short work of fiction? Go for a jog? Make a fresh pot of coffee and surf the net? Clean the house? (probably not that one)...but the possibilities are dizzying!

Maybe I'll start with a shower, have a little chat with God, and then go from there...Thank you, God, for friends who help to brush aside the brambles that grow over this little light of mine. Amen.

Panic Attack

I am in full-blown panic attack mode. Last week I was in Wal-Mart and I saw several people with carts full of wrapping paper, bows, etc. and I thought to myself, "Should I be worried that I have none of that stuff in my cart?" Apparently, I should have been. All my Christmas decorations are up and I don't do much more cooking at Christmas than I do during the rest of the year (although I did make some kick-A peanut butter kisses for MOPS - thanks Pam!), but I need some presents. I have bought like 2 minor gifts for my husband, but that's it. I'm making a special photo/ handprint gift for my sister-in-law that I haven't even started on yet. I have nothing for my mother-in-law, nephew, or my kids. I have no wrapping paper! I have no bows! I keep forgetting to get my kids to do the Advent calendar for the day! Worst of all, my mother is coming here on Saturday. I will spare you the anxiety that strikes within me and save the worst of it for my therapist. However, I will tell you that I should have her gift. I need it so I can give it to her on Saturday because that is the only time I will see her during the holidays. I also need to get my grandmother's gift so my mom can take it to her when she goes to Alabama for Christmas. When am I going to do this? What am I going to get them?! Have I mentioned I'm freaking out? 

*Breathe*

Okay, I'm better now. This year I am trying not to worry about things that don't matter, such as buying the perfect gift for someone who returns most of her gifts anyway or baking cookies that my husband and I don't need to eat. I have a beautiful LIVE tree. I have a beautiful wreath for my front door. The family togetherness has been planned and I am happy with the arrangement. Christmas isn't about gifts, anyway, except for God's perfect gift, His Son, Jesus. And I have a little boy who, when we told him the other night that we were going to drive around and see Christmas lights, lit up like our tree and said, "Oh, cool!"

The Bad Word

I am always trying to teach and reinforce good manners at our house. We say please, and thank you. We read books about manners. We have flashcards about manners. I insist that everyone asks to be excused from the dinner table when we are done. We shake hands with people that we meet and introduce ourselves by looking them in the eye and telling them our name. We set the table and clear the dishes after a meal. We unload the dishwasher and help fold laundry. We say, "excuse me" when someone is talking and we want to be heard. And we don't say bad words.

I am not talking about swear words. We don't say mean or rude sounding words either. Or grammatically incorrect words, like "ain't." (I seriously thought ain't was a bad word until I wan in middle school.) We don't say, "butt." We say "bottom." Everybody knows this. And by everybody, I mean my husband.

Here is our afternoon yesterday. I am not even kidding.

THE Princess: Mommy, Daddy said 'butt!'

Me: Daddy, please try to make a good choice and say bottom. Butt is not a nice word.

RM: I was talking about my BUTTon. The BUTTon came off my jacket. Can you sew my BUTTon on?

THE Princess: He keeps saying it, Mommy! Daddy is not making a good choice!

RM: BUT, it wasn't bad! BUTTon isn't bad.

THE Princess: Mommy, he's saying it again!

Me: Please stop it? Please?

RM: What about a flying BUTTress? Those aren't bad!

THE Princess: Mommy, do you hear him? Brother is going to learn a BAD word!

RM: What if I BUTT the Christmas tree stand up against the wall?

THE Princess: He needs a red card! Mommy!

RM: Or I could eat some bread with BUTTer. I love BUTTer in a BUTTer dish and to spread it with a BUTTer knife.

THE Princess: MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

RM: I love BUTTer beans......and was that turkey a BUTTerball? Did you like it my little BUTTerfly?



I was ready to gouge out my eye with a spoon. I am so not even kidding.

I don't know who is worse. Seriously.

The Hangover

Today was a great day for an adventure. No school, no work. We were free as birds and didn't have a care in the...

Not really! We made homemade Christmas cards this morning and made a HUGE mess in the dining room. But we got about 50 cards made and even the King of the Jungle was able to help! I try to have a fun "project" for us in the morning after breakfast when we don't have school. It helps to avoid venturing toward the TV where I have a tendency to barter my way into watching the Today Show for 30 minutes in exchange for a "movie." [In our house it's normally a Mr. Rodgers rerun.] It's a sucky deal for me, because THE Princess asks me every 2 minutes, I swear I am not making this up, if it's time for the movie yet. "Excuse me mommy, is it time for my movie yet? Is your show over?" So much for my 30 minutes.

So, I gave up on that a long time ago. Now I plan an activity. Smart, right? Generally it's an artsy thing that values process over product. That is mostly so that I can linger over a second cup of coffee and read my TIME magazine. But, not today! Today we crafted with purpose. My purpose was clear, we were going to make our own art that we could send to friends and family to kick off the holiday season!

THE Princess, too, had a purpose. And that was to put glitter glue on pretty much everything we own. Not exactly what I was envisioning, but I kind of just followed behind her smearing the drips onto more paper and miscellaneous artifacts so that she could do her 'thing.' Even, KOTJ got in on the action by drooling and swiping wet fingers all over our art. I think it adds to the whole effect.

My job, other than janitorial, was to frame each masterpiece when it was deemed complete. I had precut the frames to fit, that made it pretty easy. Then I trimmed anything hanging over the edges so that I could lay them flat to dry and finally press them in my huge dictionary so they would lay flat in an envelope.

We worked diligently. THE Princess glitter gluing, KOTJ drooling, and me trimming. I got to have a nice little pile of the stuff that was hanging over. Like a sandwich bag sized amount. Some but not a ton. So, I did what everyone would do in this case. When we finished our art, we picked up everything, swept the floor, wiped the table, put our supplies away, and I bagged up the hangover and smashed it all into a zip lock sandwich bag. I probably should have used two bags, but why waste the bag, right? Smash it up! Then, because I was now trying to get the kids ready for a new and exciting adventure, I sat it on the table and forgot about it.

Until we got home from the aforementioned adventure. As we entered the house I realized that Sammy the One Eyed dog had discovered the hangover and was doing some Christmas decorating of his own. In the midst of my sweeping up the mess with KOTJ in the sling, THE Princess started chasing Sammy and attempting (unsuccessfully) to get him to pull a card, sit in time out, and think about his bad choices. I just stifled my laughter. Until Sammy started to hide and howl from under the couch. KOTJ started to cry, and THE Princess started to yell over the commotion to us that we were all making bad choices! This rather funny situation was now not as funny as before. I had hangover stuck all over my very awesome and expensive, but not very cute, shoes. Not cool.

My phone rang. RM called to see how our first day of vacation was going. My response, I thought, was very logical.

"You see, it started with this stupid hangover this morning." By this time, I had stepped out onto the back porch, so RM and I could hear each other. "I just couldn't get rid of it."

RM, the darling that he is, says, "Honey, I know the kids sometimes drive you crazy, but I didn't realize it was this much of a problem. You know hiding it could be a serious problem."

"Yes, but the problem today is that I didn't hide it. I left it out on the table and the dog got into it. It was all over the floor. THE Princess was trying to discipline the dog and KOTJ started crying. Then, KOTJ was crying and I got it on my shoes. Things are better if I hide it. Much better. Now it's on the floor, on the kids, it's pretty much everywhere!"

"How much is there?"

"I would guess 5 or 6 cups if I had to measure. But, don't worry, I'll get it cleaned up and everybody calmed down."

"Why don't you throw it away?"

"I can't WASTE it! That is so, like, wrong. I can use it, probably even tomorrow. I'll need it and be mad that I got rid of it! Sometimes I don't think you know me at all. I have this handled, don't worry. Will you be home at your regular time?"

"No, I'm gonna leave early and come home and help you. Do you want me to call your mom to come over and help you until I get home?"

"Why would you do that? No. I don't need help. I'll have everything under control in a few minutes. See you tonight I have to get back in there. Love you!"

My mom called me about 10 minutes later that she got a frantic call from RM. He thought I was drinking and the kids were getting into it. He wasn't sure what would make me upset enough to drink. Could she please come and check on me?

I told her about what had happened with the hangover. She started laughing. Then I started laughing. Then I called RM and told him what happened. I was still laughing. Laughing so much I was crying. Laughing so much I was even snorting (but don't tell anyone, okay?) He didn't think it was quite as hilarious. He thought I was playing a joke on him. I kept telling him I wasn't. It was an honest mistake. He grumbled that it was okay and said he would be home at his usual time.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Seriously. And, just for added measure, I had an empty bottle of sparkling grape juice that I left on the table for him. Just to be funny.

Guess what? Now I am in time out with a red card. IT. WAS. TOTALLY. WORTH. IT.

Postscript: If you get one of our beautiful handmade cards, please enjoy it fully. And, when RM gets over being annoyed with me, it will be a great story to tell. Probably next year. Or the next one.

Just another day...

I think I may have been one of those moms on Friday (you know, the kind that other people watch and while shaking their heads). I needed to take care of some long-distance errands, and at the end of the day I was in a time crunch but still needed to "run" into Sephora (like that's possible even without kids) to buy some new make-up. My two-year-old was with me, of course, and it was pointless to try to strap him into a stroller, so we walked hand-in-hand into the store for my "quick" bit of shopping.

If you're not familiar with Sephora, it's this shimmering store full of little bottles of potions to make you beautiful, and everything is sitting on open shelves with open compacts and tubes right there to use as testers. It's quite handy to have all of that available to test at will. I used to meander through the aisles there and explore the new trends for hours it seemed...but I digress. Back to my story.

I'm not great at remembering the colors I use, and my tan comes and goes this time of year anyway, so as my son ran from strange pointy tools to stranger psychedelic eye shadows, I explained to the salesperson what I thought I needed. My little guy was being quite polite and just touching things "with one finger" as we always insist, but I was pretty distracted. The dear salesperson, we'll call her Mary, listened to my broken discourse on skin types and colors and tolerated my abrupt interjections of "Stop that!" and "Come here!" (Neither worked, by the way.) She would ask questions and wait patiently while I ran around displays to find my little escapee. I held him tightly on my lap as he squirmed while Mary tried different colors to find the perfect shade. (I mean seriously, am I insane?) I asked her if she had children. Mary said no, but she had been around plenty in her lifetime. Right.

I finally headed to the register to pay for my purchase and began digging through Hot Wheels cars, raisins, and Kleenex to find my wallet while my little guy walked in circles around me. Mary asked, would I like a perfume sample? (Dear Mary, still sticking to protocol!) After ridiculous deliberation (How important is it really? I don't even wear perfume anymore, free or not!) I made my choice, Mary filled the little tube, and I finished my purchase.

Things were quiet. Too quiet. Mary and a fellow salesperson were stifling giggles. I peeked over my shoulder, then slowly turned to see my darling son standing next to the metal-colored eye shadows. He had black, gray, and blue lines streaked on his cheeks and a tube of fire-engine-red lipstick in his hands. He just grinned at me as he pursed his lips and drew crimson circles around his mouth just like Mommy does in the morning.

Are You Ready Yet?

"Okay kiddos, we have ten minutes and then we will need to head out the door."

This is an all too common line that I hear coming out of my mouth. I start my countdown to try and ensure we will all arive at our destinatino on time. Weather we are headed to the playground, church, or a restaurant, my goal is to arrive promptly on time.

Well, we were all doing well with heading out the door last night, until....

• Has my daughter gone to the bathroom? Check
• Does my son have a new diaper on? Check
• Everyone has their shoes on? Check
• Diaper bag is packed? Check

Okay, everything seems in order, now all I need are my keys and we'll head out the door.

Keys? Where had I last seen the keys?

Oh, that's right. I handed them to my 18 month old to entertain him while I put on some lip gloss. Oh goodness, that was in the bathroom, but the keys aren't there. I'm sure he probably put them in a toy basket.

Okay, I just checked every toy basket in the house, and the keys are nowhere to be found. Alright, keep my cool. Let me call my husband. He is the best in situations like these.

Yes, I've checked behind the rocking chair. No, they are not in the toy car. Under the bed? Yep, I've looked there. Yes, I also looked in the curtains. They aren't there.

20 minutes later I found the keys. Where were they? Under a pile of clothes that I had on a chair in my bedroom. Yep, my 18 month old threw them off of the chair and somehow managed to sneak the keys under this pile. Why hadn't I looked there in the first place?

The Flat Tire

Last week I had a flat tire. It went right along with the wonderful [read:sarcasm] week I was having. When it rains it pours, I guess.

We had a teacher work day last Wednesday and thankfully didn't have to be at school until 7:30 am. We were suppoesed to get an extra full hour of sleep. That in itself seems like a good thing. Frankly, it just threw me off. Our little King of the Jungle was up at his usual 5:30 am. But, I digress.

We got dressed. I was happy not to wear my usual business casual. I wore jeans and a t-shirt. Excellent, indeed. It was light out as I was loading the car with all of our usual accessories. The diaper bag, my purse, THE Princess's lunch bag, her backpack, paperwork I had been working on, and my sling for KOTJ. THE Princess was running and dancing around the car. She hopped around and around. She had a plastic screwdriver and was sure to tell me it was a Phillips. She was "fixing" my car. She had a bit too much energy for my taste, but she's 3. I went back in to get more coffee.

We loaded up in car seats and went to pick up Grammy. We got to school and unloaded everybody and everything. Things seemed good. I got to my first meeting of the day and a teacher who's room we parked close to came to tell me I had a flat in my right front tire. Super.

I thanked him and called AAA. A really nice man came and changed my tire in the rain. (Thank you to whoever invented AAA!) A couple of men on campus came to supervise [read:make fun of me]. I could take it. I asked them to be useful and look at my flat. Did it have a nail or screw in it? Nothing they could see.

We went on our merry way home. We went to Musikgarten. We went to church supper. My hubby, RM, was super awesome and went home early to look at my tire. He dunked it in soapy water to try and find the puncture. Nothing. Then he looked at the stem. The cap was loosened (a lot) and air was bubbling out. THE Princess promptly announced that she fixed my tire this morning by undoing the valve stem cover!

Yes, my 3 year old gave me a flat tire. Seriously. I am not even kidding.

From Bad to Worse...My Motley Misadventures

Lately, I've been feeling like the harder I try, the worse things get. Here's a sampler of my most recent foibles and faux pas:

1. Stumped: To surprise my husband, I decided to try my hand at lawn-mowing. The kids were playing happily in the back yard, so I rolled out the push mower, figured out how to start it (it took me a few minutes...I won't tell you how I did it, so you can still honestly say you don't know how to start the mower), and then heaved my way around the yard, making cool patterns in the tall, thick grass. This is not how my husband does it, but I had a system, I swear. Within the first 10 minutes, I ran over a stump and broke the mower. Apparently, I broke more than just the blade...my husband's initial assessment is that the shaft thingy that goes up into the motor is bent. I broke it good. And this is Florida, people. In the rainy season. We now have a jungle out back.


2. Reverse-Cinderella Story: My daughter had a bad diaper rash and I was letting her go diaperless for a little while to give her bottom a little fresh air. This is what all the "Good Mommy" books say to do. I figured we have hardwood floors, so cleanup is simple if she has an accident. It wasn't long before my son announced, "MOMMMMEEEEE! She poo-pooed on the playroom floor!" Sure enough, the smell hit me as I peeked around the doorframe. So, I got a handful of toilet paper, grabbed up the offensive load, and dumped it in the toilet. I returned with some cleaner to sanitize the floor and, as I scrubbed the floor on hands and knees, pondering how my Cinderella story must be working in reverse, heard, "MOMMMMEEEEEE! She pee-peeed on the living room rug!" That toosh got covered up in a hurry after that...I mean, that's what diaper cream is for, right?


3. Hot Potato: I selflessly offered to bake all 40 potatoes for our OAMC day last week, thinking I got the easy job...how hard can it be to bake a potato? I was also very busy organizing the recipes, the shopping list, the "To Do" list, and the email of things the other 7 women needed to bring. In the meantime, the potatoes came out about half their original size, shriveled and blackened. So when I baked the second batch, I used the timer. Only the 15 or so on the bottom rack burned the second time around. That's improvement.


4. Romantic Comedy of Errors: I recently organized a "Girls' Nite Out" event through my church for women of all ages. A friend helped me publicize the event, which we decided would be a movie night. I hadn't seen the new-to-DVD romantic comedy and was excited to watch it with friends. Mistake #1: I didn't take the time to learn how to use the high-tech projection theater beforehand. For future reference, pushing the power button repeatedly does NOT make it work better. Mistake #2: I didn't prescreen the movie to check for inappropriate content...I got the dreaded call a few weeks later. PG-13 movies just aren't what they used to be!

So maybe I need to stop trying so hard to do good. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I should actually do LESS. I think maybe if I focused on the things I'm really good at, like eating ice cream and playing with my kids, perhaps everyone would be better off!

But then, maybe God puts people like me on Earth so others can learn from my mistakes and misadventures. Maybe my mission is to keep making a motley mess of things. Then everyone else can count their blessings, knowing they're at least doing better than me!