You Know You're a Motley Mom When...

My aunt recently emailed me some news that would make most grocery shoppers' blood run cold. Not to make light of someone else's tragedy, but this is my actual, rather motley stream-of-thought email response to her note that "last night's murder/suicide was at MY Publix!"...

Donna: Oh my gosh! I hadn't heard anything about it here. That's scary. I wish our Publix filled online orders for pickup. That would be awesome. I'd never have to drag our two kids through the grocery store again...my own grocery nightmares actually never involve murderers. Just really whiny kids who think popping the air out of the bag of frozen peas and watching how far they scatter is what grocery shopping is all about. Aaaargh! Actually, B was trying, unsuccessfully, to be a good helper by getting the peas out of the freezer section for me. But he spent too long doodling on the inside of the foggy freezer door and when I snapped at him to "hurry up and get the peas!" he grabbed them a little too hard and, "POP!" Then he realized he could "ice skate" down the aisle on the frozen peas. Yep, we are awesome everywhere we go.

Just thought I'd share that little exchange, since you have probably had plenty of your own "Grocery Nightmares" over the years. Don'tcha just love shopping with the kids?!

My "Murtough" List

If you have seen the Lethal Weapon movies, you will be familiar with Murtough (played by Danny Glover) and his partner Riggs (played by Mel Gibson). They are detectives who seem to get themselves into trouble while solving the world’s problems. Murtough's most famous line in all the movies is, "We're too old for this *stuff*" (*actually a different 4 letter word is used, but I am keeping it PG here!) Reflecting on 2009 and going into 2010, I seem to find myself saying, "I'm too old for this stuff!" quite a bit!

A couple weeks ago I went to the doctor because my knee had been bothering me for a while. It hurt to bend it, straighten it, pretty much do anything with it. I thought that I had better get it checked out, because it could be a tumor! The doctor examined me, and said, "it is arthritis."

WHAT?!?! I am not old enough to have arthritis! (I mean I am only 31!)  I'd almost rather it be a tumor (Ok- not really!) It did not help that I also found 3 gray hairs that same week (You wont find them now... I pulled those suckers out and I am getting my hair dyed stat!)

So, I am creating my own Murtough list... the things that I am officially too old for!
1.) Staying up all night for a New Year's Party. I volunteer with the Jr. High group at my church, and they had an all-nighter for New Year's Eve. I told the youth pastor that I could help, but only until 1 AM... that is already WAY WAY past my bed time! He understood!
2.) Drinking caffeine after noon. I used to be able to down a can of dew and take a nap... not any more! I am totally hyped up and ready to scrub the floors with a tooth bursh! Not to mention that I keep my hubby up by talking a mile a minute.
3.) Sitting on my knees for longer than 10 seconds. See above!
4.) Going to a really loud concert. I find myself saying, "WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO LOUD. . .I HAVE A HEADACHE!"
5.) Playing any sort of physical game, and not paying for it the next day! I played dodge ball on a Wednesday night with the youth group, and the next day I had a hard time getting out of bed.

So, what is on your Murtough list?

Motley Savings...for my Coupon Loving Friends!!

Over on The Consumerist they are discussing the book called Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel: 100 Dirty Little Money-Grubbing Secrets. It's cracking me up, seriously. Some of you girls (you shall remain nameless) really like doing the coupon thing. I like it, and use coupons, but certainly not on your level.

Here is a little excerpt about price matching:

Nearly every supermarket nowadays runs a price-matching program meant to satisfy customers' nagging suspicion that they're charging more than the competition for a lot of their stuff. The policy is present more as a security blanket than anything else, set in place by corporate bigwigs who figure not enough customers will actually go through the labor-intensive process to save a few cents off their pinto beans and slash into their stores' profit margins.


This way of thinking makes a lot of sense. To make sure you're saving the maximum amount, you need to jot down an ironclad shopping list, obsessively scan every newspaper ad, and then set up a spreadsheet that helps you annotate the ads with the pertinent low prices at each store. Do all that, and you're rewarded with the opportunity to make everyone standing in line behind you want to shoot you in the back of the head because you're holding things up by making the cashier verify each price.

But, there is another way: a way that skips several of the steps and saves you more money than even the most anal-retentive, price-match maven.


Here's what you'll need: a stack of sticky notes, a pen, and an armful of glossy grocery store ads. Lug all that into the shopping cart and you're in business. Affix one of your Post-its to every non-store-brand item you come across, then name your own price, making sure to deduct a substantial but not-quite-insane amount from the price tag. You use the pen to jot down the "price-matched" figure you're willing to pay for each item, and you can even go the extra mile for feigned authenticity by adding in a random competing store name to each sticky note.

As you approach the front of the checkout line, the checkout lady will immediately attempt to head out on break. But she'll warm to you once she sees how organized you are, and will happily tap your savings into the register. In most cases, the checkout clerk will be so confounded with the hassle she'll approve of all your prices just to keep the line moving.


Only the most bored or crazy checkout folk will sort through that unwieldy stack of ads to verify your sales notations are accurate, or compare your prices with their online database of competitors' sales, but it's still wise to avoid shopping during off-hours in order to avoid empty lines. The busier the store is, the better.

I don't think I would have the nerve to do it, but I do think it's funny! Go ahead and laugh.

Do you do anything really embarrassingly cheap?

My husband would probably say most everything I do is embarrassingly cheap. Me, I don't necessarily think so. My grandma re-gives us greeting cards that we have given her. Yes, they are signed and all. But, I give her a pass because she is old. Or maybe too sentimental to throw them out. Yes, that sounds better. At least she doesn't worry about her dishes having hurt feelings. Of course, maybe she does and that's where I got it from!

Being Karly's Younger sister

Karly is on vacation with her family again this week. This is Fawnda posting today. Being the younger sister that I am, I thought you might want to hear some funny stories about Karly from my point of view! She does not know that I am doing this... wont it be a nice surprise for her! ;)

I have to start off by saying that Karly was the BEST older sister I could have asked for. She is more than just a sister, she is my closest friend.

Ok on to the stories!

A Sweet One:
We shard a room for most of our childhood. I am very prone to nightmares. I was so bad, that I had them from watching scooby-doo (yes the cartoon). Often in the middle of the night when I would wake up crying, Karly would be there to comfort me. She would take all of her stuffed animals (she had a lot and they were all better than mine!) and place them around me and tell me they were there to protect me. Can you ask for anything more!

A Boy-Crazy One:
Karly has always been beautiful. Boys would always fall in love with her at first site. Let me tell ya, it was sometimes hard to stand next to the blond beauty! I can vividly remember a trip our family took to a local amusement park, Valley Fair. Karly and I went off on our own for a while (we were probably about 13 and 15 years old). We were standing in line for a roller coaster, the part of the line we were in was right by where the roller coaster would roll by to go up the big hill. While were were standing there, 2 boys starting yelling from the roller coaster "I love you... will you marrying me?.... hey you Blondy... look over here!" They eyes were locked on my sister. This went on for the the whole trip they were climbing up the hill. Do you think they even saw the brunette (me) standing next to her? I don't ether!

The One Where I Had to Break Up With Her Boy-Friend For Her:
If you ever talk with me and Karly, you will see that we have pretty much the same voice and use the same inflections. Often times, people would not believe we were sisters (She is blond with blue eyes and I am brunette with brown eyes) until they talked to us! On the phone it is even harder to tell the difference... my mom has confused us sometimes! So, Karly was going out with this guy. At first she thought he was cute and ok, but he turned out to be some-what of a loser. She felt so bad about breaking up with him, she didn't know if she could do it. So I called him up and pretended to be Karly and broke his heart. It was short conversation, but she owed me big time after that!

The One Where She Becomes A Goddess:
During a week at summer camp Karly came home and had met a guy names Eric, but everyone called him Zeus because he was so good looking he was a "god". Well, Eric found his goddess that week, yep, Karly. Her nickname became: Venus. Let me tell ya, Eric was VERY VERY good looking! (But nothing compared to My Husband of course! ) But, looks are not everything. Karly will tell you that he was cute but not a good looking as her husband, she is head over heels in love with her man!

The One When I knew He Was The One!
Like I said before, Karly was a blond goddess. I had guys talk to me in high school simply because I was Karly's sister. I even had a guy date me because I was her sister (we broke-up after I found that out!) If I dated a guy who did not know Karly, once they met her, they would be like "Wow! Your sister is Hot!" (High school boys are so dumb!) This was none of Karly fault, of course, but still not fun! So when I started dating my husband, I was a little nervous when it came time to meet Karly. I tried to prep him so that he would not be taken off guard and just stare at her. But after he met her is said "I don't see what the big deal is... you are MUCH more pretty than her!" I almost asked him to merry me right there! (He did not mean any disrespect to Karly!)

I will leave you with those... maybe Karly will think twice before leaving town without writing her motley post! : )

If you give a mom a cookie...

I saw this idea on another blog and thought it was cute so I put my own spin on it!


If You give a Mom a Cookie

If you give a mom a cookie, she will take one bite. Her one year old will come up to her and sign that he wants food and point to the cookie.

This will remind the Mom that it is lunch time. Since a cookie is not a good lunch, she will put it down and open the refrigerator to look for some lunch. After scraping together a few things for her little one, she decided it is well past time to go grocery shopping.

After writing list and packing her child into the car, she will go to the grocery store to get some food for her family. Once she is home and unpacked the food her little one will spill some of his juice.

The mom will clean up the mess with a towel and throw it down the clothes shoot and remember that the laundry needs to be done. She will go to do a load of Laundry.

While doing the Laundry, her little one will get into the bathroom and pull all the Toilet paper off the roll and dig in the garbage, (Gross!) She will have to clean up the mess in the bath room and her child!

She looks at the clock and it is time to get dinner ready. She sets about to preparing a meal that will make her family happy and full , trying not to trip on her child who is playing at her feet.

Her Husband will come home and they will sit down to a nice family meal, complete with burping and the throwing of food! After dinner, she will remember her cookie and go back to where she put it down.

It is not there! She asks her husband if he saw it... He says "Yeah, I ate it! It was good! You should have one!"

Adapted from the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie."

Father's Day

I'm not sure how you all feel about Father's Day - if it's the same as Mother's Day (I know some of you are kind of anti-Mother's Day), and feel free to debate the topic here today, but what I really want to do today is talk about my dad.
He was NOT into Father's Day, or any other holiday, to be perfectly honest. He was a very politically incorrect, unconventional kind of guy. But he was also brilliant, hilarious, generous, and a good dad. He wasn't exactly full of words of wisdom, but he did share some with me, and I want to share them with you, too.
"Tomorrow is another day." I know, I know, this is really from Gone With the Wind, but it's true. It's akin to "His mercies are new every morning." Last week I had a bad day. I mean bad. Probably one of the worst days I've ever had in my life. First thing in the morning I found out something very ugly that is going on in my family, then Ethan got poop all over the bathroom and got powder all over his bedroom while I was cleaning up the poop, then my house was robbed and the creep(s) stole my engagement ring, diamond earrings, bracelet with the boys' names on it, and an amethyst bracelet/earring set my dad had given me. I was so upset and discouraged. But, I remembered my dad's words and felt a little better knowing that the next day would be new.
"Don't regret things you've done. It's worse to regret not doing something." He wasn't talking about sin, of course. We all do things we regret. He was talking about taking risks and doing what you really want to do, even if you're a little scared by the idea. I like to think that because of this advice, I've done lots of cool things, like skydiving, traveling overseas, riding roller coasters, getting married, and starting tae kwon do when I was 26.
This last piece of advice was his favorite. I told you he was unconventional and I think I've mentioned before that he was really into guns. I don't think this one needs any explanation.
"If you're ever in a room with a loaded gun, make sure it's yours."
Thanks, Daddy, I miss you!
Happy Father's Day to you and your hubbies!

You might be a mom if...

You might be a mom if...

Your idea of dinner theater is singing "if your happy and you know it" and "Old McDonald had a farm" to you child while they are eating to keep them entertained.

You think that a ponytail is a substitute for a shower

You know what the words robeez, bumbo, and boppy mean.

You talk about puke, poop and pee to your friends on an almost daily basis.

You know sign language for: more, food, juice, please, and all done.

The best time to talk on the phone is while you are driving in the car.

It takes you 4 hours to watch a 2 hour movie.

You think that sleeping until 7:30 is "sleeping in"

You have gotten your shower/hair/make-up routine down to 32 minutes because that is how long a baby Einstein movie last.


You know who the Wiggles, Blue and Dora are.

You love your child more than anything in the world!

Do you have an other "you might be a mom"-isms to add?

Jinxed!!

I am not a superstitious person. I don't care if I walk under a ladder, or break a mirror, or have my path crossed by a black cat. But it seems that I have some power to jinx myself.

My Little King does NOT like to sleep. Most of his naps last about 30 minutes (if I am lucky!). But if his nap does by some miracle last longer, all it takes to wake him up is for me to say some thing like "Wow, He is sleeping really good!" That is a guarantee that he will wake up within seconds.

If I want my son to stop eating and start throwing food on the floor, all I have to say is "You are being such a good eater today!"

If I want to break our week of being healthy I just say "Wow! We have not been sick for a while now!"

If I want to have my son starting put toys/food/anything from the floor into his mouth, I just say "Oh, it's OK. He doesn't pick up things and put them in his mouth!"

If I want to throw off our nap schedule that we finally gotten, I merely have to say "He usually naps around noon, so we can be there around 2 O' clock no problem!"

If I want him to wake up earlier in the morning. "He sleeps in until 9:00 so that is really nice for me!"

If I want him to freak out and cry in the professional photo of all the grand-kids: "He does great for pictures! he loves his cousins, this will be fine!"

Who knew I had such powers... now if I could find a way to use them for good and not evil, I'd really have something!

Do you hear that?

This is a story that we still laugh about.

Mark and I took a business trip together a couple of years ago to California. It was very exciting to go without the kiddos and we were totally looking forward to it.

Well, it's a pretty good trek out there. It seems like it takes forever to reach the west coast, so we were tuckered out by the time we reached our hotel room.

Poor Mark was suffering with a really bad allergy attack. His head was sooooo congested. He was miserable and and yet happy that we could finally take a nap before the evening's festivities. We had just lugged all the luggage in and collapsed on the bed.

Everything was nice and quiet until we heard something weird. It was a buzzing sound. We tried to ignore it, but it just kept going on and on. We couldn't sleep! Ugh!

OK. I tried to locate the sound and it seemed like it was coming from the wall. I called the front desk and they sent a repair man to the room. He came in and informed us that the air conditioning switch was faulty and that he couldn't fix it. He suggested another room. Ugh!

So, I called the front desk and I sent poor Mark to go get the new key. We changed rooms.

Everything was nice and quiet until we heard something weird - again! It was the same buzzing sound! I informed Mark that this hotel was a dump and I just couldn't believe we were having to go through this!

So, I called the front desk and Mark then sent ME to go get the new key to a room in a totally different building. We surmised that it must be some electrical problem in the old building. Mark sent me to inspect the new room.

I went. Everything was completely quiet. FINALLY!

So, Mark and I lugged the luggage again and we tried again for a nap. Then we heard it again! What in the world was going on? Was this Candid Camera?

Using my newly perceptive hearing, I located the buzzing sound coming from the FLOOR!

The floor under my LUGGAGE! As I opened my bag I realized the culprit.

My electric toothbrush had been smushed ON!

We laughed sooooooo hard! I am laughing right now as I type!