Still Thankful

"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you,

will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

~Philippians 1:6

Tomorrow and Wednesday will be the fourth anniversary of Alex's adoption!! For seven long years, I was angry, depressed and confused. I didn't understand why God would give me such a strong desire for children when I couldn't get pregnant. I wanted to be graceful and a witness for God, but it was difficult. Since I spent those seven years begging God for a child, I think it is only fair that I spend seven more praising Him for our wonderful gift. God did have a plan for all of us even when we couldn't see it. His timing is impeccable. If we had been in any other order on that referral list, we might have been sent home with someone else's child!

If you are facing stress, sorrow or hardship, don't give up. If you find yourself in despair today, hang on and wait. God is still there even if you can't see him. I hope your storm is over soon. Just remember, you will some day see the completion of the good work God has started in your life.

Love at First Sight

In 2005, over Labor Day weekend, we made the four-day journey to Astrakhan Russia to meet our child. We drove to Chicago on Thursday night, and flew out Friday morning. Our twelve hour flight spanned nine time zones, so sometime late Saturday, we arrived in Moscow. We met the other American couple (the Ribeiros) who were also adopting with our agency and had dinner with them in our fabulous luxury hotel. On Sunday, we, the Ribeiros, and a plane full of burly suitcase-wrapping, gun-carrying, vodka-drinking hunters, flew to Astrakhan, Russia. You must understand that they carried both the guns and the liquor on to the plane! Per our translator, Astrakhan is known for its hunting and fishing. It is on the Volga River Delta that opens to the Caspian Sea. We landed in what looked like a war-torn, third world country. It looked like Fantasy Island without the Fantasy. I remember about 12 ferrel kittens running all around the open-air waiting area of the old, dirty airport. Shell-shocked doesn't quite describe how I was feeling. The stress of our impending referral was weighing heavily on me.

Our family video from Monday morning before we met our child is hilarious! I had just fallen out of the phone-booth sized shower and twisted my ankle. I was a nervous wreck. Our week in Astrakhan was truly a roller coaster of emotions. We had to visit six or seven different Russian physicians to prove we were healthy enough to adopt, and we were in a very remote region where English was rarely spoken. Above all, I had to answer the deepest fear in my heart: Could I love a child that someone else gave birth to just like I would love a child I had given birth to?

I never really believed in love at first sight until I saw this picture. This is Alex's referral picture. We saw it for the first time on September 5, 2005. They told us his name, how old he was, and then asked if we wanted to adopt him.



We then travelled to the orphanage to meet our child. The staff brought in a little boy, but they didn't say whose baby he was. I remember feeling so guilty that I couldn't even recognize my own child, who was now a year old from his infant photo. The first baby was for the Ribeiros, so we waited some more. Those few minutes seemed like years. Finally, they brought me a smiling baby boy. We each held him for a few minutes and then he began to softly cry. As Charlie quickly quit video-taping this precious memory, translators and social workers flocked to my side to help comfort this sweet boy.

We got to visit Alex every day and get to know him more, and we ran errands necessary to completing our adoption. One day, our translator had Driver drop us off at Sans Pizza. They served American style pizza with or without fried eggs. For dessert, we had the best cappuccinos. Later that week, I met a super sweet girl at the film store in the mall. I practiced the question over and over and then put away my dictionary. I asked the question correctly, "When will the film be ready?" I just didn't study what her possible answers would be. When she answered me, I had no idea what she said. I also met another nice girl at a kiosk in the middle of the mall. She was studying English, and I was studying Russian. We talked a bit, and she gave me a pencil. At the end of the week, we had a wonderful tour of the city's Kremlin followed by dinner at a trendy coffee house. I ordered blini (thin pancakes) with cream and berries, and it was delicious! Best yet, we had a very real chance to be parents, pending our court date in October.



Leaving Alex for six weeks while we waited for court was difficult, but it was part of the process, so it was accepted. During that time, his birth mother would be asked to again resend her rights as his parent. She could change her mind, but it would be very difficult for her to regain custody of him and highly unlikely that she would pursue that option. We left Russia exhausted and emotionally drained, eager to return as soon as possible. The Ribeiros were no longer strangers but friends for life, and for the first time in many years, we had the hope of becoming parents.

It's Carrie's Day!

Today is my friend Carrie's birthday! For those of you just tuning in, we met Carrie and her husband Matt while we were adopting our sons from Russia. I am a very timid person, and travelling to Russia was way out of my comfort zone. It was something I had to do, but I was very nervous about getting it done. Actually, to say I was nervous was a tremendous understatement. I laid awake at night worrying about flying for 12 hours over the Atlantic, landing in a foreign country, staying in Moscow, taking a plane to my unknown child's region, and meeting a child I hoped to fall in love with at first sight. I had been popping Prilosect like they were candy and my stomach was still doing flip-flops.

Then, we got a phone call. Carrie Someone-or-another left a message on our answering machine. I actually thought she worked for our adoption agency. I figured my psychological profile had revealed that we really would need a travel companion. Finally - God really does know my limits. So I called this Carrie Whoever-she-was back and found out that she and her husband were travelling with us to meet their child. I had never learned that our adoption agency preferred to send pairs of families. We would be travelling with other Americans!

Next to my child, meeting Carrie and Matt has been the biggest surprise blessing from God. It is amazing to me that God can manage the details for the right parents to find the right child, but in our case, he worked overtime. He helped the right families find first travel partners and then friends for life while they were finding their children in the same town and same orphanage half-way across the world!

Some fun Russian memories of Carrie:

• Washing laundry in the sink and letting it dry. We were so limited on space in the suitcase that we couldn't bring enough closes for the whole trip.


• Talking to her mom at the crack of dawn each morning. The hotel staff couldn't really speak English and always got our rooms and names confused.


• Eating bread dipped in olive-oil at the hotel in Moscow, and eating at Sans Pizza in Astrakhan. Good food in Russia was a big deal for us.

Pam and Carrie in Russia before we got our boys.

In the three and half years since we have been home, our friendship has grown. Carrie is my friend who understands best what I've been through. She is an awesome christian who has taught me so much about being a child of God, and she would make a great pastor's wife if God has that planned for Matt. Carrie is a fantastic Internet researcher, and she is always positive and upbeat. Plus, she is so cute. She has great hair and fun clothes. Even more exciting today, Carrie is a new mom again! I am so happy to tell you that on Friday, their new daughter, Mia MinJee arrived from Korea!!!!

The Ribeiros (Mia, Carrie, Roman, Matt and Avery)

I think Mia looks like her Aunt Pam, and I can't wait to meet her! Congratulations Carrie. I hope this is your best birthday yet! I don't know how you will ever top this one.

Christmas in Russia

I love this Christmas story, and I hope you will too. My dad shared it with me shortly after we got home with Alex. It has been passed around in emails, so you might have heard it before. It is probably fictional, but very heart warming, and I have no idea who wrote it. Interspersed are pictures from some of the cathedrals in Moscow.

In 1994, two Americans answered an invitation from the Russian Department of Education to teach morals and ethics (based on biblical principles) in the public schools. They were invited to teach at prisons, businesses, the fire and police departments and a large orphanage. About 100 boys and girls who had been abandoned, abused, and left in the care of a government-run program were in the orphanage. They relate the following story in their own words:

It was nearing the holiday season, 1994, time for our orphans to hear, for the first time, the traditional story of Christmas. We told them about Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem. Finding no room in the inn, the couple went to a stable, where the baby Jesus was born and placed in a manger.



Throughout the story, the children and orphanage staff sat in amazement as they listened. Some sat on the edges of their stools, trying to grasp every word. Completing the story, we gave the children three small pieces of cardboard to make a crude manger. Each child was given a small paper square, cut from yellow napkins I had brought with me. No colored paper was available in the city.


Following instructions, the children tore the paper and carefully laid strips in the manger for straw. Small squares of flannel, cut from a worn-out nightgown an American lady was throwing away as she left Russia, were used for the baby's blanket. A doll-like baby was cut from tan felt we had brought from the US.

The orphans were busy assembling their manger as I walked among them to see if they needed any help. All went well until I got to one table where little Misha sat. He looked to be about 6 years old and had finished his project. As I looked at the little boy's manger, I was startled to see not one, but two babies in the manger. Quickly, I called for the translator to ask the lad why there were two babies in the manger. Crossing his arms in front of him and looking at this completed manger scene, the child began to repeat the story very seriously.

For such a young boy, who had only heard the Christmas story once, he related the happenings accurately--until he came to the part where Mary put the baby Jesus in the manger. Then Misha started to ad-lib. He made up his own ending to the story as he said, "And when Maria laid the baby in the manger, Jesus looked at me and asked me if I had a place to stay. I told him I have no mama and I have no papa, so I don't have any place to stay. Then Jesus told me I could stay with him. But I told him I couldn't, because I didn't have a gift to give him like everybody else did. But I wanted to stay with Jesus so much, so I thought about what I had that maybe I could use for a gift. I thought maybe if I kept him warm, that would be a good gift. So I asked Jesus, "If I keep you warm, will that be a good enough gift?" And Jesus told me, "If you keep me warm, that will be the best gift anybody ever gave me." "So I got into the manger, and then Jesus looked at me and he told me I could stay with him---for always."

As little Misha finished his story, his eyes brimmed full of tears that splashed down his little cheeks. Putting his hand over his face, his head dropped to the table and his shoulders shook as he sobbed and sobbed. The little orphan had found someone who would never abandon nor abuse him, someone who would stay with him- FOR ALWAYS.

God Bless America!

OK everyone, please humor me as I take one more trip down memory lane. In case you missed my posting last Monday, our son Alex is adopted from Russia. Last Monday was three year anniversary of our Family Day.

Three years ago today, we all flew home. I have heard countless other mothers share the stories of their children's births with pride. They survived a battle. How long was the labor? C-section or vaginal? And most importantly, drugs or no drugs? It's like a mom's rite of passage. Our flight home is my equivalent of the birth story.

Alex was 13 months old and had been with us for one week. It is very common for the babies to get a rash on their face from changing their diet, so I was very careful to try to keep him on Russian food. No matter what I tried, his rash kept getting worse, and he was becoming colicky. By the time we left Russia, I was only giving him the formula we bought in his region. Once we were home, we learned the formula was making him sick. When we picked him up, he had only two bottom teeth, and quickly began cutting two more. On top of this, Alex was born with a hernia. We were told that up front, but we had no idea how it would affect him. He was in so much pain and discomfort, that he almost had to have surgery in Russia. Surgery would have meant adding at least a week to our stay, which was not financially or emotionally possible. We had to get him home as soon as we could.

Apparently, when you are flying internationally, the plane departure time is just a guideline. If you can be there at 9:15 am, great. If not, we will cram everyone else on the plane and wait for you. We took our dear sweet child to the airport and began our migration home. Our agency dropped us off about three hours early, so we waited. We finally boarded the plane and waited another hour. I spent most of this time worrying that we would miss our connecting flight to Indy. Finally, we were off, and Alex was doing good. He was such a friendly happy baby, so we had a chance that things would go well. All our fellow passengers thought he was so cute.

Somewhere over England, things went south - and not just the plane. Alex's hernia was acting up, and he began to cry. At the same time, our in flight movie started, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". Then, he began to scream. I am not exaggerating when I say he screamed for the whole entire movie. When you adopt internationally, it is very important for attachment that only the parents hold the child for about six weeks. Once Alex started screaming, a thirty-something Russian American offered to help me with him. I resisted, but after an hour, I handed him over. She didn't have much luck either. Then the lady next to us showed me how to rub his tummy counter-clockwise. It is what all Russian mothers do to calm their Russian children. It didn't help much either. As time wore on, I began to cry too. A sweet Russian grandmother (Babushka) came up and asked something in Russian. Our neighbor answered her, and then she addressed me in signs. She shook her head no and pointed to her eye. Then she made two thumbs up at her waist and lifted them up. She said, "No cry. Umph!" Some of what she meant was lost in translation. She did this over and over. Alex ended up screaming through the whole movie and finally slept when we were about an hour away from New York.

Now, I had been praying too this whole time for God to deliver us from this situation. I was pretty angry at God for a long because I felt like God turned his back on not just me but my new child. Christian artist Scott Krippayne's song "Sometimes He Calms the Storm" fits our flight to a tee. God could have calmed Alex, which was my will. Instead, he supplied us with three guardian angles to help us in our time of need. Looking back, I am thankful to have the wonderful story and memories of our angels. God was right. Again.

When we landed in New York, we had 25 minutes to go through customs with no less than 100 other people, make Alex a US citizen, get our bags, re-check our bags and get to our flight. By the grace of God, and with the help of another guardian angel dressed as an airport worker, we made it.

Here are some before and after flight pictures. Can you guess which one was the before and which was after?

And to answer the common birth story questions, my labor was 18 hours, and if I ever do this again, yes, I want drugs - just a Valium or two.

Our Battle with the Russian Government

Our battle with the Russian government began on September 1, 2004, and lasted for more than a year. After over 100 sleepless nights, countless prayers for our relief, two trans-Atlantic flights, a threat of arrest and thousands of dollars in legal fees, we emerged from the small dark Russian courtroom victorious. We were finally parents!

Today, we are celebrating our Family Day. It has been three years since the adoption of our son was finalized in Astrakhan, Russia. Astrakhan is deep Russia. We went to Cancun on our honeymoon, so I thought I was prepared to travel to a foreign country. When our plane landed in Astrakhan, I immediately decided that Cancun doesn't count as a foreign country.


We traveled to Russia on a blind referral, meaning we did not know how old our child would be or if our child was a girl or boy. Thank goodness Prilosect was released over-the-counter that summer! Here is a picture of our first meeting.

We met our son shortly before his first birthday. Per Russian law at that time, we had to leave him in the orphanage in Russia and come back six weeks later to finalize the adoption. Most women say they forget the pains of childbirth soon after seeing their new baby, and the same is true about our adoption journey. It was a stress-filled, nerve racking, roller coaster ride, but now only the fond memories seem to linger. Our day in court was challenging, but my husband did great! He had to make a speech about why we wanted to adopt this child and how we planned to care for him. His speech was so thorough that the judge did not ask him any questions, and our case worker was so proud of him! Later that night we went out to celebrate with the other American couple adopting through our agency. They quickly became our new best friends, and are now like members of our family. The next day was like a fairy tale. We took flowers and beautiful cakes to the orphanage workers as we picked up our son. I love this photo (my son and husband are on the left). We are leaving the orphanage and never looking back!

Even though our adoption only took about 14 months, our journey to our son was seven years filled with bitterness, disappointment and anguish. I wanted a child so badly, yet was never able to conceive. Our son too had a long journey to get to us. He is a survivor and a fighter. In Russia, when a child is placed for adoption, they spend the first several weeks of their lives in a hospital in quarantine to be sure they are healthy. Our son then spent the next several months living in the orphanage sharing a crib with at least one other baby. Because of this, Family Day at our house is a giant celebration. Three wounded hearts were united as one to mend together into a loving family.