A Home Study and a Wedding Dress...

We have been busy the last few weeks. {As I assume everyone else is since not a lot of new posts are showing up here on Motley Moms!} Our business has been mostly about our adoption for kid #2! We finalized our home study last week and we are officially on the waiting list! Hooray!! We are super excited! We are on the waiting list for a girl. The wait time will be much longer than it was with Kid #1 but we are trusting in God's timing.

Our Social Worker (SW) came to our home to update our home study from Kid #1's adoption. It is not a huge deal, but we wanted our house to be clean... I mean this person is going to help decide if we can take on another kid, so I want the illusion that our house is clean. And since she will be touring the WHOLE house, I can not just pick up the main level and leave the child safety gates up at both sets of stairways to block her from seeing the other 2 levels where I stashed all the junk from the main floor, like I usually do with company! (Oh no- now my secret is out!)

I am the WORST when it comes to cleaning! I am A.D.D. and sentimental. I will start to clean an area and I will get distracted or start looking at each item I am supposed to be cleaning and remember all the "good times" we had with it. Cleaning the photo albumn shelf is a 2 + hour job since I look through each one!

So, I was cleaning the storage closet and came across my wedding dress tote. (I stored my dress in a big storage tote with baby blue tissue paper to keep it white).... I start thinking of our wedding day and how beautiful and happy and young we were... and then I start thinking "hmmmmmmm I wonder if it still fits? " I open it up and it looks pretty and white so, I stop cleaning and try on my wedding dress.

And guess what....

IT STILL FITS!!!

After 12 years of marriage, I can still fit into my wedding dress! I go and show my husband who laughs and then tells me that I look beautiful! Good man!

Armed with new self-confidence, I was able to clean my house like never before! {don't worry, I changesd out of my dress to finish cleaning!}

Siblings

I am excited to announce that My Hubby and I handed in our paperwork for our reapplication for adoption! We have had the paperwork since November and FINALLY finished it! It is A LOT harder to work on paperwork when you have a 2 year old running around! : )

Now we have to wait for our background checks to get back to the agency and we will be matched up with a social worker(SW). We just have to meet with the SW once to update our homestudy and we will be on the waiting list!

I have a cute story about the process so far:

I had some of the paperwork sitting on the table while our Little King was eating lunch. "What's that?" he says pointing to the paperwork.

"Oh that is paper to help us get you a sibling." I tell him

"Ohhhhhhhh.... sibbing!" He says.

"Do you want a sister?" I ask

"Ohhhhh Sister!" he says

"Or do you want a Brother?" I ask

"No, no... no brother!" He tells me.

Hmmmmmmmm do I take the advice of my two year old and go on the girl list?!?

We get to choose if we want a boy or a girl, which sounds great except that it is a REALLY hard decision! I mean I am choosing if my son has a brother or a sister and that means I am choosing if my son does NOT have a brother or a sister. It is a hard choice. I loved having a sister to share a room with, but I also loved have brothers too!

Later I asked him the same questions about a brother or a sister and his reply was: "No brother, no sister!" (which I think is the more honest answer!)

I hope all you Motley Moms in Florida are having fun with Karly this week... I am not going to lie to you...I am jealous!

Gotcha Day

Nov. 5th was our Little King's Gotcha day! The day we tell our son that "We Gotcha!" and the day that he "gotcha" us too! Nov 5th was the day that we actually took custody of our son and brought him home for good!

The week working up to his Gotcha day we had been spending remembering our Little King's delivery into our family.

Here is the story:

On Oct 29th we went to the airport and flew to Korea (an 1 hour flight to Chicago and a 12 hour flight to Korea)

Here we are BEFORE we left. The was BEFORE we became parents. Don't we look well rested.
On Oct. 31st we had our first meeting in our son. It lasted for 1 hour and we got to spend 20 minutes alone with him. He was very happy to play with me and my hubby. We got our first family shot:

Our second meeting with our Little King was on Nov. 3rd, he was not so happy this meeting. He was pretty crabby... but it was because he missed his nap and he was tired. My Hubby worked his "baby whisper" magic and calmed our son down.
He passed our son off to me, and our little king fell asleep in my arms. This is one of my all time favorite pictures!

On Nov. 5th, we got up early to start our journey home. The President of the Korean agency says a prayer for every child that leaves his care. He prayed for our little king and we were ushered into the van to bring us to the airport. It was only once we were in the van with the doors about the close that our son's foster mom handed him over to me. It was AMAZING the calm spirit that took over me. All morning I had been a nervous wreak! But once my Little King was in my arms... everything was right.

We drove to the airport, got on the plane to fly home to the USA (a 14 hour flight to Chicago- than an hour and a half lay over and another hour flight to Minneapolis - all with a 9 month old)

Our son was a GREAT traveler... better than his mama most of the time. (I get motion sick in cars, planes, boats... I am a gem to travel with) He loved the turbulence, he was laughing while I as laying down praying for it to stop!

Here is our son in his car seat for the first time, on the way home from the airport.
Finally home after 21 + hours of traveling by van, plane, and car!
To celebrate our Gotcha Day we went to a Korean restaurant and spent time looking at pictures and telling the story of our Little kings Journey home. I made our Little King a crown to wear for his special day.
The crown says "Today is my Gotcha Day! Nov. 5th 2008"

Here he is happy at the restaurant with his daddy!

It is amazing to remember our trip to Korea to get our son. I cannot image our life without him!

Happy Halloween!

Here are the pumpkins we carved this year.

Last year we were focused on a different little pumpkin! Our Little King! Last year on October 31st we met our son for the first time. We had arrived in Korea the night before. We were very nervous and excited!
Our meeting with our son included me, Jason, our Korean social worker, our son and his foster mom. The 5 of us met in one of the agency's observation rooms. We asked questions of the foster mom about our little kings schedule, what he ate, how he went to sleep... etc. She told us as much information as she could and tried to show off all the things our son could do. We then got 20 minutes alone with our baby. It was the first time our family was alone, together. The total meeting lasted about an hour. We left with another meeting scheduled, a bunch of pictures, and anticipation. (we actually did not get custody of our son until a few days later, this was just a meeting time)

Here are some pictures of that day: It is interesting looking back at these pictures and remembering this day. I remember when we took these pictures, I was thinking, "This is going to be my baby!" Now when I look at the pictures I think "That is MY baby!" (We are all dressed up because it is Korean Culture to dress your best)

Last year for Halloween, Jason and I got a whole new identity, not just a costume. We became parents! We will be celebrating Halloween today with our Little King in some traditional ways (dressing up, getting candy) and some nontraditional ways (looking at pictures and telling the story of how we met for the first time). It is going to be great!

And here is our little giraffe today! Does he look ready for treat-or-treating or what!?

Still Thankful

"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you,

will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

~Philippians 1:6

Tomorrow and Wednesday will be the fourth anniversary of Alex's adoption!! For seven long years, I was angry, depressed and confused. I didn't understand why God would give me such a strong desire for children when I couldn't get pregnant. I wanted to be graceful and a witness for God, but it was difficult. Since I spent those seven years begging God for a child, I think it is only fair that I spend seven more praising Him for our wonderful gift. God did have a plan for all of us even when we couldn't see it. His timing is impeccable. If we had been in any other order on that referral list, we might have been sent home with someone else's child!

If you are facing stress, sorrow or hardship, don't give up. If you find yourself in despair today, hang on and wait. God is still there even if you can't see him. I hope your storm is over soon. Just remember, you will some day see the completion of the good work God has started in your life.

SFA

Before we had kids, my husband and I LOVED to watch TV, and one of our many favorites was Everyone Loves Raymond. I keep thinking about the episode where Marie found Ray's junior high diary. She was upset because one of the entries read, "I EHAT my mom." Ray had written in a code that he thought his mom would never be able to crack. Moms are pretty smart though, and sure enough, Marie cracked the code.

I have been thinking about this post for a few weeks now. I need to share part of our story, but I just don't want to. I wish I could sugar-coat the story or write it in code, but that would not count as coming out with the truth. My son Alex has FAS, and I would rather write it in code - SFA. If you didn't know, FAS stands for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He was diagnosed with this in May of 2008, and the diagnosis greatly influenced our move to Florida.

Basically, his birthmom drank while she was pregnant. Of course, we don't know how often or how much, but we do know that damage was done. FAS is a spectrum disorder as the affects can range from minor to severe. Whatever is developing in the baby when the mom is drinking is what is impaired. In our case, the FAS has caused permanent brain damage. Alex's left and right side of his brain cannot communicate, so although he may know rules like "We don't hit our friends" his brain cannot stop him from hitting before it is too late. It causes many problems in preschool because he can tell you the rules and the results for breaking those rules. As a result, he is disciplined as if he can control these impulses. In many ways, we are very lucky. Alex has a lot of strengths. He is very bright and loving. His speech is great, and he loves to read. I am hoping this will help him be successful in school.

I honestly don't know why I am having such a hard time accepting this. When we decided to adopt from Russia, we knew this would be a possibility. I even asked several of his doctors along the way if he had been affected by this. It is very surreal. I wasn't really surprised to hear this diagnosis, but at the same time, I was not expecting it at all.

In the five steps of grief, Step One is denial. I have mastered that. I have been denying this for almost a year and a half. In fact, I tried to blog about this a few months ago, but I was only able to tell you about some of his related conditions.

Step Two is anger, and I am doing great with that one too! I am mad at God - largely because I keep asking him to help me be more patient and graceful with Alex. I feel like he is failing me. I am mad that this happened to my child. I wonder what his life without this would be like. I am mad at Russia. I am most mad that this was preventable. I do not want to speak out for this. Why not autism? Aspergers or OCD? Sadly, I can no longer sit by and just be angry anymore. I need to protect my child and be an advocate for him. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Esther 4:14, "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?" Ignoring this for the last 18 months has only caused me stress and heartache. I give up. I will acknowledge this.

I have probably sinned in my anger with God, but I do still know that only He holds the answers for us. I believe He is not rushing in to save us so that we will find a long-term solution instead of a quick but temporary fix. I do believe God pieced us together to be a family, and I do hope to move on to the next step soon. It will just take time and chocolate. Until then, I ehat FAS, but I deeply, fiercely love my child.

Love at First Sight

In 2005, over Labor Day weekend, we made the four-day journey to Astrakhan Russia to meet our child. We drove to Chicago on Thursday night, and flew out Friday morning. Our twelve hour flight spanned nine time zones, so sometime late Saturday, we arrived in Moscow. We met the other American couple (the Ribeiros) who were also adopting with our agency and had dinner with them in our fabulous luxury hotel. On Sunday, we, the Ribeiros, and a plane full of burly suitcase-wrapping, gun-carrying, vodka-drinking hunters, flew to Astrakhan, Russia. You must understand that they carried both the guns and the liquor on to the plane! Per our translator, Astrakhan is known for its hunting and fishing. It is on the Volga River Delta that opens to the Caspian Sea. We landed in what looked like a war-torn, third world country. It looked like Fantasy Island without the Fantasy. I remember about 12 ferrel kittens running all around the open-air waiting area of the old, dirty airport. Shell-shocked doesn't quite describe how I was feeling. The stress of our impending referral was weighing heavily on me.

Our family video from Monday morning before we met our child is hilarious! I had just fallen out of the phone-booth sized shower and twisted my ankle. I was a nervous wreck. Our week in Astrakhan was truly a roller coaster of emotions. We had to visit six or seven different Russian physicians to prove we were healthy enough to adopt, and we were in a very remote region where English was rarely spoken. Above all, I had to answer the deepest fear in my heart: Could I love a child that someone else gave birth to just like I would love a child I had given birth to?

I never really believed in love at first sight until I saw this picture. This is Alex's referral picture. We saw it for the first time on September 5, 2005. They told us his name, how old he was, and then asked if we wanted to adopt him.



We then travelled to the orphanage to meet our child. The staff brought in a little boy, but they didn't say whose baby he was. I remember feeling so guilty that I couldn't even recognize my own child, who was now a year old from his infant photo. The first baby was for the Ribeiros, so we waited some more. Those few minutes seemed like years. Finally, they brought me a smiling baby boy. We each held him for a few minutes and then he began to softly cry. As Charlie quickly quit video-taping this precious memory, translators and social workers flocked to my side to help comfort this sweet boy.

We got to visit Alex every day and get to know him more, and we ran errands necessary to completing our adoption. One day, our translator had Driver drop us off at Sans Pizza. They served American style pizza with or without fried eggs. For dessert, we had the best cappuccinos. Later that week, I met a super sweet girl at the film store in the mall. I practiced the question over and over and then put away my dictionary. I asked the question correctly, "When will the film be ready?" I just didn't study what her possible answers would be. When she answered me, I had no idea what she said. I also met another nice girl at a kiosk in the middle of the mall. She was studying English, and I was studying Russian. We talked a bit, and she gave me a pencil. At the end of the week, we had a wonderful tour of the city's Kremlin followed by dinner at a trendy coffee house. I ordered blini (thin pancakes) with cream and berries, and it was delicious! Best yet, we had a very real chance to be parents, pending our court date in October.



Leaving Alex for six weeks while we waited for court was difficult, but it was part of the process, so it was accepted. During that time, his birth mother would be asked to again resend her rights as his parent. She could change her mind, but it would be very difficult for her to regain custody of him and highly unlikely that she would pursue that option. We left Russia exhausted and emotionally drained, eager to return as soon as possible. The Ribeiros were no longer strangers but friends for life, and for the first time in many years, we had the hope of becoming parents.

Some Big Events For Our Family

In the past week and a half we have had some important events happen in our family!

The first, happened on July 31st. This was the day we had our court hearing to finalize our son's adoption. At 1:30 (or a little after) we walked in to a court room and sat before a judge and answered some questions (what are our names, where do we live, how long have we been married, have we lived in MN longer than a year...) Once we got all of our personal information settled, we were asked if we would love, care, and support our son... Of course we answered "I do" (kinda like getting married!) The judged than signed our Adoption Decree stating that it was in the best interest of the child! Once all the official stuff was done I ask the judge (very respectfully) if we could take some pictures. Here is the one with the judge:


So, now it is official... we are our little king's parents. We have to wait to get his amended birth certificate which will have our names one it, than we can get started on his citizenship.

The second thing that happened was on Aug 5th. It is our son's 9 month anniversary from coming home from Korea. This anniversary is a bigger deal to me than the others have been because our little king was 9 months old when we got custody for him. So, starting Aug 5th, I now have cared for him longer than anyone else. I can now say with confidence- I know him better than anyone else! And each day that passes will strengthen that!

The adotpion process is not an easy one, but each step is petty offical. I kinda like that about it. We were approved for our homestudy, which was like saying "we approve you to be parents". We also had a court hearing to be offically named our sons parents, a judge signed a decree saying it! So, when the hard days come I can look back and think "I have been approved and decreed to be a mom, these people belive I can do it, so I must be able to!"

Judging Alex

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged.” 2 Rachel, 27:12. OK, it’s not really from the book of Rachel, that’s just an inside joke from our Circle Bible Study. The verse actually comes from Matthew 7:1, and as a former gossip girl and judger of many, I have often pretended this verse didn’t apply to me. As I grew up and faced more trials, I learned that my rational actions and decisions probably looked crazy to most people: i.e. crying in airports when I was taking infertility drugs. I now understand that God wants us to leave the judging to him because we cannot possible know enough about other people’s lives to accurately judge them.

I say all of this because I am constantly being judged by strangers. Preschoolers draw attention. It is just a way of life for this time in their lives, and my son Alex seems to draw a lot of attention. Everywhere we go, people know who Alex is because he either strikes up a conversation with any given stranger, or they hear me yell his name as I run after him. Alex lives life to the fullest, and pushes the limits whenever possible. Strangers often see Alex as a child whose parent doesn’t make him mind, but that isn’t reality. I know more about him than anyone else, and most of what I know is kept secret.

Denial is the second stage of grieving, and I have been in this stage for over a year now. Last May, we took Alex to a specialist in Chicago because we had some concerns about a few developmental delays. The short story is this: Alex has some adoption-related special needs. They gave us two diagnoses. One I agree with, and one I wish wasn’t true. They are experts in this field of study, so I am sure they are right, but I like to pretend they aren’t.

I was actually hoping they would tell me he had ADD, which they didn’t. I just wanted someone to tell me that Alex has way more energy than any other child ever. The one diagnosis everyone agrees on is this: Alex has SPD, sensory processing disorder. He is a sensory seeking child, who loves to touch everything and always needs to be moving. He loves running and is in heaven if someone is chasing him. If he doesn’t have anything to do, he will chew on anything close. If nothing is close, he will chew on his fingers. Since I didn’t agree with their other diagnosis, I took Alex to another specialist last winter. She said that Alex does have ADD, but she wouldn’t formally diagnosis that until he is 5 or 6. Our family doctor still believes that there is another diagnosis out there, maybe something on the autism spectrum. I think he is probably right.

In two weeks, Alex will have a screening for preschool. I am going to have to share this with them, and I dread it. I am afraid of two things: What if they say there is nothing wrong with him (and all of the unmentioned challenges we face every day are typical, and it’s all in my head)? OR What if they say he does have special needs (they probably will, but I am still in denial!)? I live with a strange dichotomy: I don’t want Alex to have any letters explaining his behavior, but I don’t want to believe his behaviors are typical.

Here is another paradox. I believe people are judging me based on how my child behaves, but if they knew what I knew, they probably wouldn’t judge him. I don’t want anyone to know about his special needs, but they need to know so they can better understand him. I just think he is so great, and I don’t want anyone to see anything less than I see – a terrifically wonderful “perfect for me” kid.

It's Carrie's Day!

Today is my friend Carrie's birthday! For those of you just tuning in, we met Carrie and her husband Matt while we were adopting our sons from Russia. I am a very timid person, and travelling to Russia was way out of my comfort zone. It was something I had to do, but I was very nervous about getting it done. Actually, to say I was nervous was a tremendous understatement. I laid awake at night worrying about flying for 12 hours over the Atlantic, landing in a foreign country, staying in Moscow, taking a plane to my unknown child's region, and meeting a child I hoped to fall in love with at first sight. I had been popping Prilosect like they were candy and my stomach was still doing flip-flops.

Then, we got a phone call. Carrie Someone-or-another left a message on our answering machine. I actually thought she worked for our adoption agency. I figured my psychological profile had revealed that we really would need a travel companion. Finally - God really does know my limits. So I called this Carrie Whoever-she-was back and found out that she and her husband were travelling with us to meet their child. I had never learned that our adoption agency preferred to send pairs of families. We would be travelling with other Americans!

Next to my child, meeting Carrie and Matt has been the biggest surprise blessing from God. It is amazing to me that God can manage the details for the right parents to find the right child, but in our case, he worked overtime. He helped the right families find first travel partners and then friends for life while they were finding their children in the same town and same orphanage half-way across the world!

Some fun Russian memories of Carrie:

• Washing laundry in the sink and letting it dry. We were so limited on space in the suitcase that we couldn't bring enough closes for the whole trip.


• Talking to her mom at the crack of dawn each morning. The hotel staff couldn't really speak English and always got our rooms and names confused.


• Eating bread dipped in olive-oil at the hotel in Moscow, and eating at Sans Pizza in Astrakhan. Good food in Russia was a big deal for us.

Pam and Carrie in Russia before we got our boys.

In the three and half years since we have been home, our friendship has grown. Carrie is my friend who understands best what I've been through. She is an awesome christian who has taught me so much about being a child of God, and she would make a great pastor's wife if God has that planned for Matt. Carrie is a fantastic Internet researcher, and she is always positive and upbeat. Plus, she is so cute. She has great hair and fun clothes. Even more exciting today, Carrie is a new mom again! I am so happy to tell you that on Friday, their new daughter, Mia MinJee arrived from Korea!!!!

The Ribeiros (Mia, Carrie, Roman, Matt and Avery)

I think Mia looks like her Aunt Pam, and I can't wait to meet her! Congratulations Carrie. I hope this is your best birthday yet! I don't know how you will ever top this one.

Lessons I have learned about God, Part 2

Happy Resurrection Day! He is risen! He is risen indeed!

On this first Easter as a mom I am going to reflect on God’s perfect plan for our lives. Just like God’s good and perfect plan to save us humans from our sin, by sending His son to die for us, and to conquer sin and death by rising on the 3rd day, God has a good and perfect plan for each one of us!

God also had a plan for 3 people becoming a family. We went through some infertility treatments, but they left use feeling depressed and with little hope. We prayed together every night that God would allow us to grow our family. We decided to look into adoption and found that the more we stepped down that path, the better we felt and we also felt like we had hope! The process was hard, but we don’t feel bitter about going through it. It made us take a look at ourselves and think about what kind of parents we wanted to be. It brought us together as a couple and made us put our trust in God. We had to daily trust that God would match us with a child and trust in God’s timing of it all. Looking back there are some pretty awesome signs of God’s plan. Here are some examples of how perfect God’s timing and plans are:

God’s timing:

It is no secrete that adoption is NOT cheap. Every time we needed to pay a bill for the next step, God provided the amount that we needed. Often times at the last minute, as if to say “See, I told you I’d come through!”

We received our referral the week my whole family was together. One of my brothers lives in Czech Republic and only comes to visit once a year. My sister, Karly, as many of you know, lives out of state and cannot come to visit as often either. Needless to say, it is rare that we are all together. But the week that Karly and my brother were in town we were able to announce that we were matched with a child and show off pictures. It was really great to be able to surprise every one with news at a family dinner.

God’s plans for us:

I know that God matches children with the parents that they need either through adoption or biologically. Your child was chosen for you by God. He knows what your child needs and knows what you can provide for them. That being said, I still find it amazing what a perfect fit our little king has been for us. God chose us to be his parents! My son hates to sleep alone - I hate to sleep alone. My son has the same sense of humor as my husband (they crack each other up all the time!). My son is pretty stubborn, so it is a good thing that my husband and I are MORE stubborn! There are several others similarities that prove each day that we were meant to be together!

I wish you a blessed Easter. My hope for you is that you are able to rejoice in the plans that God has set forth for you!

OK girls, get comfy. It’s gonna be a long one. “See, we have this depression goin’ on” and I cain’t afford no counselin’….

Today is one of those I hate everything kind of days, which is really sad because the day started out great. My husband let me sleep in. I had a few minutes to catch up on reading my Bible. I checked my email. I even logged on to Facebook. There it was, the stupid questionnaire that threatened my day: First born. Here are some of the questions:

WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?
WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION?
WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?

For me, infertility was a seven year battle filled with pain, despair, sorrow, anger, crying, hopelessness, more crying, more anger and guilt. I hid in bathroom stalls and cried. I cried in airports, and I even ran out of a college class crying. Fortunately I was taking the class, not teaching it. Looking back, that one was kind of funny. A girl was giving a report on abortions and how bad they are, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. The other students in the class probably thought I had had one earlier in life.

During that time, people said the worst things to me in an attempt to help. My coworkers would complain about their kids and then say, “See, aren’t you glad you don’t have any.” That resulted in the bathroom stall episode from above. My husband and I tried each medical breakthrough once just so I could have the peace of mind that I did everything I could. This involved me carrying expensive, injectible drugs (our co-pay for one week of drugs was over $1,000) through an airport and shooting up in the bathroom between flights. My husband even had to learn how to give me shots. BTW, the medicine itself is hormones, so you can just imagine my emotional state of mind.

Then there were the failures. I never got pregnant, and each time I had to tell my husband that it didn’t work was harder and harder. I will never forget the day I found out our In Vitro failed. This In Vitro was our last ditch effort, our final try. My brother Brad just happened to come to work to see me right after I got the news. I was devastated. Thank God he was there to help me. Sadly, trough it all, I was one of the lucky ones. God protected me from a lot of pain. I never miscarried. My mom had several miscarriages just trying to have the three of us. I have two close friends who had ectopic pregnancies, which are devastating. God knew I couldn’t handle those types of loss.

I have endometriosis, and I had three surgeries within in two years to try to remove the damaged tissue. In 2007, I finally had a hysterectomy. After adopting Alex, I would say that I am mostly cured from the sorrow of infertility. The pain and anger sneak up on me every once in a while, but I can now say I am so glad things worked out the way they did. Alex is awesome. Thank you God for having enough faith in me to find Alex and for planning such a wonderful child for me. When we went to Russia, we were paired with the Ribeiros, who have become great friends. I remember asking Carrie why God gave us such a desire to have kids when we physically couldn’t. She explained it best. God has to give some women that much desire so that these kids can have homes. Think about it, if you could give birth, you would. Who else would be willing to jump through all of the adoption hoops? She is just so smart and another fantastic gift from God.

Even being mostly cured, there are days when I get tired of looking on the bright side. I get tired of being positive. Today is one of those days. In response to this questionnaire, I posted a note that some people might have said was snarly, but darn it, I am tired of pretending like it didn’t hurt. Most importantly, the extreme hurt is what makes God's answer to the hurt so wonderful. Selena, one of my first friends in life, wrote a note back to me saying “You could just be creative.” Isn't she great and wise? I am so glad to be back in touch with her. She is right, but I just needed a minute to have a pity party.

Now that I am over it, I am asking you all to read my answers to the questions. Thanks for letting me vent. I really appreciate it. I do want to add that the girl who sent me this questionnaire is supper sweet and would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I also need to say again, I am so thankful this was God’s plan for me. I can’t believe he gave me such a wonderful gift as Alex, and I would never want Alex to think I would have it any other way. When I was so desperate and going through infertility, I didn’t know that God was going to work things out for me. He did not have to give me a child. I knew God could help me be joyful in any circumstance, but I didn’t know how great the plan was.

WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? More than you can imagine, but not my plans, God’s.
WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes.
WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? Sheer joy – see picture.



WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? Never, and praise God it wasn’t for his birth mom either!
HOW OLD WERE YOU? 32 – only about seven years older than I thought I would be.
HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? It’s complicated.
WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? My dad – my husband was with me.
DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? We travelled to Russia on a blind referral, which means we did not know anything about the child we were meeting, and then found out that our child was an 11 month old boy!
DUE DATE? Sometime in November of 2004.
DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? More than you can imagine due to the blind referral. Thank goodness Prilosect came out OTC that spring.
WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Homemade brownies on top of homemade coffee cream topped with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Pregnant people – I am sorry, but it was kind of true back then.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy.
DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? No. I just wanted a baby.
HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? About 10.
DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Yes.
WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew.
DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? Yes, the Russian government changed a lot of their requirements during our adoption. We had to be examined by seven or eight different doctors while in Russia.
WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Alex’s birth certificate says that I gave birth to him in Astrakhan, Russia. He was actually born in Kamyzak.
HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? I call our flight home my labor, so 23 or 24 hours.
WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? My mom and dad drove us to the airport.
WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? A team of social workers, lawyers, a judge and a few translators.
WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? It was far from natural.
DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Not enough!
HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 1K and 900 g – 4 pounds and 3 ounces.
WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD BORN? September 25, 2004.
WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Alex (this is part of his given name) Jacob (from the Bible) Carver.

God Bless America!

OK everyone, please humor me as I take one more trip down memory lane. In case you missed my posting last Monday, our son Alex is adopted from Russia. Last Monday was three year anniversary of our Family Day.

Three years ago today, we all flew home. I have heard countless other mothers share the stories of their children's births with pride. They survived a battle. How long was the labor? C-section or vaginal? And most importantly, drugs or no drugs? It's like a mom's rite of passage. Our flight home is my equivalent of the birth story.

Alex was 13 months old and had been with us for one week. It is very common for the babies to get a rash on their face from changing their diet, so I was very careful to try to keep him on Russian food. No matter what I tried, his rash kept getting worse, and he was becoming colicky. By the time we left Russia, I was only giving him the formula we bought in his region. Once we were home, we learned the formula was making him sick. When we picked him up, he had only two bottom teeth, and quickly began cutting two more. On top of this, Alex was born with a hernia. We were told that up front, but we had no idea how it would affect him. He was in so much pain and discomfort, that he almost had to have surgery in Russia. Surgery would have meant adding at least a week to our stay, which was not financially or emotionally possible. We had to get him home as soon as we could.

Apparently, when you are flying internationally, the plane departure time is just a guideline. If you can be there at 9:15 am, great. If not, we will cram everyone else on the plane and wait for you. We took our dear sweet child to the airport and began our migration home. Our agency dropped us off about three hours early, so we waited. We finally boarded the plane and waited another hour. I spent most of this time worrying that we would miss our connecting flight to Indy. Finally, we were off, and Alex was doing good. He was such a friendly happy baby, so we had a chance that things would go well. All our fellow passengers thought he was so cute.

Somewhere over England, things went south - and not just the plane. Alex's hernia was acting up, and he began to cry. At the same time, our in flight movie started, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". Then, he began to scream. I am not exaggerating when I say he screamed for the whole entire movie. When you adopt internationally, it is very important for attachment that only the parents hold the child for about six weeks. Once Alex started screaming, a thirty-something Russian American offered to help me with him. I resisted, but after an hour, I handed him over. She didn't have much luck either. Then the lady next to us showed me how to rub his tummy counter-clockwise. It is what all Russian mothers do to calm their Russian children. It didn't help much either. As time wore on, I began to cry too. A sweet Russian grandmother (Babushka) came up and asked something in Russian. Our neighbor answered her, and then she addressed me in signs. She shook her head no and pointed to her eye. Then she made two thumbs up at her waist and lifted them up. She said, "No cry. Umph!" Some of what she meant was lost in translation. She did this over and over. Alex ended up screaming through the whole movie and finally slept when we were about an hour away from New York.

Now, I had been praying too this whole time for God to deliver us from this situation. I was pretty angry at God for a long because I felt like God turned his back on not just me but my new child. Christian artist Scott Krippayne's song "Sometimes He Calms the Storm" fits our flight to a tee. God could have calmed Alex, which was my will. Instead, he supplied us with three guardian angles to help us in our time of need. Looking back, I am thankful to have the wonderful story and memories of our angels. God was right. Again.

When we landed in New York, we had 25 minutes to go through customs with no less than 100 other people, make Alex a US citizen, get our bags, re-check our bags and get to our flight. By the grace of God, and with the help of another guardian angel dressed as an airport worker, we made it.

Here are some before and after flight pictures. Can you guess which one was the before and which was after?

And to answer the common birth story questions, my labor was 18 hours, and if I ever do this again, yes, I want drugs - just a Valium or two.

Our Battle with the Russian Government

Our battle with the Russian government began on September 1, 2004, and lasted for more than a year. After over 100 sleepless nights, countless prayers for our relief, two trans-Atlantic flights, a threat of arrest and thousands of dollars in legal fees, we emerged from the small dark Russian courtroom victorious. We were finally parents!

Today, we are celebrating our Family Day. It has been three years since the adoption of our son was finalized in Astrakhan, Russia. Astrakhan is deep Russia. We went to Cancun on our honeymoon, so I thought I was prepared to travel to a foreign country. When our plane landed in Astrakhan, I immediately decided that Cancun doesn't count as a foreign country.


We traveled to Russia on a blind referral, meaning we did not know how old our child would be or if our child was a girl or boy. Thank goodness Prilosect was released over-the-counter that summer! Here is a picture of our first meeting.

We met our son shortly before his first birthday. Per Russian law at that time, we had to leave him in the orphanage in Russia and come back six weeks later to finalize the adoption. Most women say they forget the pains of childbirth soon after seeing their new baby, and the same is true about our adoption journey. It was a stress-filled, nerve racking, roller coaster ride, but now only the fond memories seem to linger. Our day in court was challenging, but my husband did great! He had to make a speech about why we wanted to adopt this child and how we planned to care for him. His speech was so thorough that the judge did not ask him any questions, and our case worker was so proud of him! Later that night we went out to celebrate with the other American couple adopting through our agency. They quickly became our new best friends, and are now like members of our family. The next day was like a fairy tale. We took flowers and beautiful cakes to the orphanage workers as we picked up our son. I love this photo (my son and husband are on the left). We are leaving the orphanage and never looking back!

Even though our adoption only took about 14 months, our journey to our son was seven years filled with bitterness, disappointment and anguish. I wanted a child so badly, yet was never able to conceive. Our son too had a long journey to get to us. He is a survivor and a fighter. In Russia, when a child is placed for adoption, they spend the first several weeks of their lives in a hospital in quarantine to be sure they are healthy. Our son then spent the next several months living in the orphanage sharing a crib with at least one other baby. Because of this, Family Day at our house is a giant celebration. Three wounded hearts were united as one to mend together into a loving family.