...because we all have our motley moments!


Showing posts with label crazy stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy stuff. Show all posts

Monday, October 19, 2009

Motley Savings...for my Coupon Loving Friends!!

Over on The Consumerist they are discussing the book called Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel: 100 Dirty Little Money-Grubbing Secrets. It's cracking me up, seriously. Some of you girls (you shall remain nameless) really like doing the coupon thing. I like it, and use coupons, but certainly not on your level.

Here is a little excerpt about price matching:

Nearly every supermarket nowadays runs a price-matching program meant to satisfy customers' nagging suspicion that they're charging more than the competition for a lot of their stuff. The policy is present more as a security blanket than anything else, set in place by corporate bigwigs who figure not enough customers will actually go through the labor-intensive process to save a few cents off their pinto beans and slash into their stores' profit margins.


This way of thinking makes a lot of sense. To make sure you're saving the maximum amount, you need to jot down an ironclad shopping list, obsessively scan every newspaper ad, and then set up a spreadsheet that helps you annotate the ads with the pertinent low prices at each store. Do all that, and you're rewarded with the opportunity to make everyone standing in line behind you want to shoot you in the back of the head because you're holding things up by making the cashier verify each price.

But, there is another way: a way that skips several of the steps and saves you more money than even the most anal-retentive, price-match maven.


Here's what you'll need: a stack of sticky notes, a pen, and an armful of glossy grocery store ads. Lug all that into the shopping cart and you're in business. Affix one of your Post-its to every non-store-brand item you come across, then name your own price, making sure to deduct a substantial but not-quite-insane amount from the price tag. You use the pen to jot down the "price-matched" figure you're willing to pay for each item, and you can even go the extra mile for feigned authenticity by adding in a random competing store name to each sticky note.

As you approach the front of the checkout line, the checkout lady will immediately attempt to head out on break. But she'll warm to you once she sees how organized you are, and will happily tap your savings into the register. In most cases, the checkout clerk will be so confounded with the hassle she'll approve of all your prices just to keep the line moving.


Only the most bored or crazy checkout folk will sort through that unwieldy stack of ads to verify your sales notations are accurate, or compare your prices with their online database of competitors' sales, but it's still wise to avoid shopping during off-hours in order to avoid empty lines. The busier the store is, the better.

I don't think I would have the nerve to do it, but I do think it's funny! Go ahead and laugh.

Do you do anything really embarrassingly cheap?

My husband would probably say most everything I do is embarrassingly cheap. Me, I don't necessarily think so. My grandma re-gives us greeting cards that we have given her. Yes, they are signed and all. But, I give her a pass because she is old. Or maybe too sentimental to throw them out. Yes, that sounds better. At least she doesn't worry about her dishes having hurt feelings. Of course, maybe she does and that's where I got it from!



Saturday, September 12, 2009

Random Ramblings and Falling IQ's

I used to be eloquent. I could remember exactly what I wanted to say, even in the middle of saying it. I could speak intelligently, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. People understood me. I remembered dates, times, names, and faces with no problem. I could make a phone call and remember who I called, even after several rings.

Now, I have to glance at my phone screen to see whose number I dialed. Sometimes even after they have answered. WHAT is that?!

I make plans, immediately forget to write it on my calendar, and then recall the check I wrote for an event I should be at right now. Surprise!

I garble my words, especially when I'm tired. No one can understand me. Not even me. And then I forget what I was trying to say in the middle of saying it.

I can NEVER think of the word I want. It stays cemented to the tip of my brain, taunting me with the knowledge of its existence and my inability to deliver it.

Now I just go on and on about random things like Quakers and furniture and lack of sufficient discipline all in one speech that should be about, I don't know, say "summer vacation." And it doesn't even occur to me that it's unusual until I realize people are jokingly referring to my propensity for winding speeches involving Quakers, removal of furniture, and discipline. Hm.

Who is this person? Is motherhood to blame? Has my IQ actually dropped because of it? WHAT is going on?

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Dark Night from my Past

It was a steamy hot summer night in mid-July. I was young, but that does not excuse my poor judgement. One rash decision led to a moment I will never forget, visions that I cannot erase no matter how many years pass. I had just turned 20, and I thought I knew it all. I was working that summer for my college as a R.A. for the Upward Bound Program. My husband, then boyfriend, was an R.A. too, and we basically spent the summer chaperoning some really cool high school kids. The day started out harmlessly enough, volleyball and a water balloon fight. That evening we all ate dinner in the cafeteria. They served lasagna, which was actually quite tasty. It should have been a tip-off. Our good luck could not continue. Shortly there after we all loaded up into college vans for a trip to the Gibson County Fair.

This fair was one of the best in the area. The 4-H animal exhibits were awesome, and the fair had the perfect balance of fried food and carnival rides. Our kids were a close knit group who loved to hang out together, so a big group of us went looking for rides we could all fit on at once. At this point in my life, I was still doing crazy things like riding roller coasters and rocko-planes. No ride was too scary for me until now. There before me stood the Kamikaze. Two arms spinning side by side upside down and all around.



In a moment I relive over and over again, I climbed aboard. Charlie and I were on one side, and about ten of our kids climbed into the other. As soon as the ride started, I knew I was in trouble. I had never been so terrified in my life. I can still remember begging, "Please God let this ride end. Please God let this ride end." I was slient in my fear, but I could hear screaming all around me. Over and over we flew defying gravity and all natural laws. Over and over I prayed to live until the end. Ominously, the ride slowed. I thought maybe the operator had compassion for one of the screamers, and I began to thank God for answering my prayers.

I looked over at Les in the other car. He was one of my favorites. Normally laughing and joking, he was now in tears. As they climbed out of the car, graphic details of the horrific tragedy began to unfold. There was an accident. Almost everyone was affected. Chunks of tomatoes and peppers were everywhere. Chuck bravely helped us piece the accident together: "I looked up and saw a great big pink cloud of puke!" Since we were in the other car, we were spared. All of the girls had globs of lasagna remains in their hair. We rushed to the bathrooms, and I tried to help them clean up. We had to wash all their hair in the sink before we could even leave. The smell from the van ride home still lingers. We cheated Death, but he scar(r)ed us for life.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I got married on Mardi Gras


I got married 2 years ago today and it was Mardi Gras. In any other little town, that would not matter at all. In our little town, we throw down for Mardi Gras. Well, we throw down in a very small town kind of way. Hokey parade and costumes. It's pretty hilarious. I moved to this town in 1984 and have attended every single Mardi Gras since (that would be all but the very first one).


I did not plan to get married on Mardi Gras. I planned to get married on my grandmother's birthday (which is also today). I wanted to elope. My husband wanted a wedding. He got his way. We had a small ceremony and reception at our church. We had planned on going to a downtown restaurant afterwards with our family and have dinner. But, 3 weeks before the wedding the restaurant called and cancelled, because it was Mardi Gras.


I freaked out some. Then I decided that I couldn't miss Mardi Gras, I mean, I had never ever missed a Mardi Gras. So, we thought we would have everybody walk down to the parade after the ceremony and then come back to our house for a small party. My mom stopped at a little store downtown to pick up a very pretty Mardi Gras mask for me. She ended up telling the owner of the shop about what happened. She immediately called her son, a firefighter, and arranged to have the hook and ladder truck that was leading the parade be decorated with "Just Married" signs and for us to ride the parade route in the bucket. Then she insisted on reserving her storefront for everyone who attended the wedding. She even decorated for it.


Seriously. I am not even making this up.


So, that is what we did. Our guests enjoyed a cake and punch reception and then went to the Mardi Gras parade (with reserved seating)! We got a ride to the firehouse and climbed into the bucket truck and led the parade. I have to admit, I kind of felt like the whole thing was a party just for us. And, let me tell you, when you have beads, you have POWER. People go pretty crazy for some plastic beads. My hubby and I kept kissing each other just to avoid throwing all of our loot before we got to the end of the parade (and because we just got married, of course)!


The truck dropped us off with our guests near the end of the parade route and we watched the parade with our family and friends. We also got interviewed for a story in the local paper, yes there is proof. Then we rendezvoused at our house for a party. (I had Mardi Gras wedding shirts printed for RM, myself, and THE Princess so we had a quick costume change.) We had Turducken (a chicken in a duck in a turkey, seriously), jambalaya, gumbo, and kings cake. We partied into the wee hours. It was kind of a crazy wedding. But fun.


So, if you ever need a fun day to have a wedding, plan for the LW Mardi Gras. Or not, it's a little unorthodox. But it's fun!