Ethan: A Success Story

At approximately 7:55 a.m. on Wednesday, April 29, 2009, right after breakfast, I took Ethan into the bathroom and had him strip from the waist down. I said, "Honey, remember that Mommy had an appointment yesterday?" Nods. "Well, Mommy went to the doctor and the doctor said that you have to stay in the bathroom until you go poopy." A little whining, but not much. "So when you've gone poopy, call Mommy and I'll come help you clean it up." I sat him down on his little potty and pushed a box of books over to him. "Here's the special books Aunt Sheesha bought you to read while you go poop. Call me when you're done!" I kept it cheery and left the room.
It's true - I had gone to a doctor the day before. It wasn't Ethan's doctor, but he didn't need to know that. The doctor, bless her, gave me a John Rosemond article that suggested this approach to my child who hasn't wet his pants in months, yet refuses to poop in the potty. I love John Rosemond. His column frequently appears in the local paper and I love his no-nonsense approach to parenting. Like any other "expert," I take his advice with a grain of salt, but it's usually good stuff.
Ethan called me about 5 minutes into "poopy time." He hadn't gone yet. "I'm sorry, honey. You must've misunderstood Mommy. You only call me once you've gone poopy." About 10 minutes later, he called me again. "Mommy, read me this book!" "No, baby, I'm sorry, I can't. The doctor said pooping is a private thing and Mommy can't come in until you're done." (This part I totally pulled out of my butt.) At one point he came out of the bathroom. "Did you poop?" "No." "Then you have to go back in the bathroom. Doctor's orders!" Again, I stayed cheery. There was no yelling, no arguing, and 30 minutes in, he had pooped. He dumped the little potty into the big toilet, flushed, washed his hands, and got dressed, all with a terrific attitude! We didn't have to deal with it the rest of the day.
I was amazed. I still am. This morning there was a little bit more resistance, but not much, and again, about 30 minutes in, he had gone poop, we cleaned up, got ready for school, and off we went. I'll admit I'm a little worried about tomorrow because it's our preschool field trip to Green Meadows Farm and we're supposed to be there by 9:15, but that's okay. If we're late, we're late. It was really, really hard for me to not go in this morning and tell him to hurry up, but I didn't. That wouldn't be fair to him and it's not necessary. I just did some deep breathing and kept telling myself, "Stay the course. Stay the course."
It's funny how many things I've vowed to do different with Micah because of "mistakes" I feel I've made with Ethan. I really think I waited too long to potty train him. It might not have gone any faster, but I also might not have had so much resistance. And headaches. I'm starting Micah this summer. I'm going to enlist Ethan's help, I'm not going to rush, but I am at least going to introduce the idea of going in the potty. Who knows? Maybe in a year or two I'll be done with diapers. Done with diapers! Yea!

Do you hear that?

This is a story that we still laugh about.

Mark and I took a business trip together a couple of years ago to California. It was very exciting to go without the kiddos and we were totally looking forward to it.

Well, it's a pretty good trek out there. It seems like it takes forever to reach the west coast, so we were tuckered out by the time we reached our hotel room.

Poor Mark was suffering with a really bad allergy attack. His head was sooooo congested. He was miserable and and yet happy that we could finally take a nap before the evening's festivities. We had just lugged all the luggage in and collapsed on the bed.

Everything was nice and quiet until we heard something weird. It was a buzzing sound. We tried to ignore it, but it just kept going on and on. We couldn't sleep! Ugh!

OK. I tried to locate the sound and it seemed like it was coming from the wall. I called the front desk and they sent a repair man to the room. He came in and informed us that the air conditioning switch was faulty and that he couldn't fix it. He suggested another room. Ugh!

So, I called the front desk and I sent poor Mark to go get the new key. We changed rooms.

Everything was nice and quiet until we heard something weird - again! It was the same buzzing sound! I informed Mark that this hotel was a dump and I just couldn't believe we were having to go through this!

So, I called the front desk and Mark then sent ME to go get the new key to a room in a totally different building. We surmised that it must be some electrical problem in the old building. Mark sent me to inspect the new room.

I went. Everything was completely quiet. FINALLY!

So, Mark and I lugged the luggage again and we tried again for a nap. Then we heard it again! What in the world was going on? Was this Candid Camera?

Using my newly perceptive hearing, I located the buzzing sound coming from the FLOOR!

The floor under my LUGGAGE! As I opened my bag I realized the culprit.

My electric toothbrush had been smushed ON!

We laughed sooooooo hard! I am laughing right now as I type!

oops wrong blog........sorry

I feel the need. The need for routine.

Last week was wonderful. We began the week with a working vacation that took us to Disney World with my mom, who our son calls Nana. We returned home and had one day before my husband's father, who our son calls Pap, flew in to see us. Both sets of grandparents live out of state and we see them maybe two or three times a year, so these were exceptionally special visits. I wouldn't change the time we had with them for the world.

The issue I'm facing this week, however, is that life is "back to normal," but we still feel like we are on vacation. I have a need to feel grounded. I feel the need for routine.

I'm going to start planning our meals this week (again), but I'm adding breakfast and lunch to the list. I'm always stumped by these two little meals, probably because they're pretty simple and I like to make things complicated if at all possible. I'm thinking "Waffle Wednesday" for breakfast and "Tuna Salad Tuesday" for lunch, etc. What do you think?

Another routine that is going to be necessary as the weather gets hotter is going to be getting out of the house earlier. Ever been to a playground in Florida once the sun has turned the slides into hot plates? Not fun. We're going to start getting up and out as early as possible so that we're ready for the summer months.

Do you have any routines I should consider? What do you do in your home that makes things run smoothly? I need your help!

I Heart Starbucks!

I don't remember when I started liking coffee, but it has taken years for me to need, I mean appreciate it completely. My love affair with this legal mildly addictive stimulant began innocently enough. I started off just liking the smell of coffee. I am sure the next step was to like some blend of coffee. Knowing me, I am sure the first thing I tried was a mocha. A Starbucks caramel macchaito was one of my first faves. I switched to a caramel mocha next, and then briefly had a fling with hazelnut cappuccinos. Sometime before parenthood, I actually started drinking coffee each morning, and when Alex came along, we promised to raise him right. I can remember when he was just a baby, we would get a vanilla bean, which is basically steamed milk with vanilla syrup, and put it in his bottle. His favorites are their boxes of apple juice or chocolate milk, but he also loves a kid's hot chocolate.

My husband and I are both such big fans of Starbucks that when traveling, we make our pit stops at Starbucks. On the route from my parent's house to his, I can tell you every exit that has a Starbucks. It is this habit that almost cost us our lives one spring night. OK, that may be a little dramatic, but I was afraid I was losing my non-coffee crowd.

It was March 31, 2006. Alex was only about 18 months old, and we were visiting Charlie's parents for the weekend. We had only been parents for five months! For two hours, we were driving just north but parallel to an ominous thunderstorm all through Indiana. At Indianapolis, it looked like we finally got ahead of the storm. Our trek turned south as we got on I-65 and prepared to stop at our Greenville Starbucks. We had all of our drinks in tow and were ready for the last leg of our trip when the wind picked up. It was blowing so hard, I could barely open the doors, and it was actually lifting our car. Charlie grabbed Alex and told me to run back inside. The wind was pushing on my car door so hard that I couldn't open it. I had to climb out the driver's side.

Once inside, the sirens went off, alerting all of the coming tornado. Quickly we were all ushered into the women's bathroom. I think there were about 15 of us - strangers who quickly bonded as we rode the storm out. Even when he was young, Alex was friendly. He wanted one of the guys in a baseball hat to hold him. He was a crowd favorite. I managed to stay calm even with my brand new precious cargo in harm's way and my mocha in my car :(. We had to stay in the bathroom for about 45 minutes until the warning expired. The tornado touched-down about 1/4 of a mile away from us, and the buildings next door had some damage. God kept us safe. When we emerged from the bathroom, the workers even made us all free drinks.

Each time we travel that route, we have to stop at our store. Most of the employees from that night have moved on, but we still love to stop. Many of my mom-friends joke about coffee being a lifesaver, but in my case, it is true!

sleeping sweetly

There is nothing sweeter to look at than a sleeping baby. It is so great for so many reasons. The look of peace on their face, and the moment of peace that you get as a mom.

Some nights as I gaze down on my sleeping little king I can see his baby face. The one that we got a picture of with his referral. We think the picture was taken when he was 2 or 3 months old (there is no date on it). Other nights he looks like such a big boy laying there in my arms and I can start to see glimpses of what he might look like when he is older.

When I get these glimpses of the past and the future I pray for my baby boy. Thanking God for my baby's past that brought him to me and praying to his future.

These are such special times for me, a mom and her son, bonding together! What are some of your favorite times with your kids?

Because That's the Rule!

It's funny how we "make a rule" for the things we know we want to stick to. Karly's post and the comments that followed it got me thinking about how and why we make rules. Sometimes our motivation is practical: "Last one out shuts the gate!" Sometimes it's for their safety: "Always wear your helmet when you ride your bike or scooter." Sometimes it's for our sanity: "If you're both going to sing, sing the same song!" And sometimes it's purely self-serving, which in the long-run serves the family: "Mommy needs privacy in the bathroom!"

When we actually say with authority that it's a rule, our kids know we feel it's important. Kids appreciate boundaries. They like to know what we expect of them.

That brings me to the subject of consequences. Beyond the baby and early toddler years, natural consequences are fair and appropriate. It's not fair to implement consequences for a behavior if they've never been warned about it before. That also applies to positive consequences. If there is a reward to be earned, they need to know how they can earn it or lose it before they enter a situation. "Kids who stay right with Mommy in the grocery store get a cookie in the bakery when we're done!" If it's a new rule we are trying to establish, they usually want to know why we need the rule. I don't mind telling them the brief reasoning behind it ("to keep you safe"). It helps them make sense of it and to know that we have their best interests in mind.

Dr. Spock says that we should "avoid threats as much as possible. They tend to weaken discipline. It may sound reasonable to say, "If you don't keep out of the street with your bicycle, I'll take it away." But in a sense, a threat is a dare--it admits that the child may disobey. It should impress him more to be firmly told he must keep out of the street, if he knows from experience that his parents mean what they say. On the other hand, if you see that you may have to impose a drastic penalty like taking away a beloved bike for a few days, it's better to give fair warning. It certainly is silly, and quickly destroys all a parent's authority, to make threats that aren't ever carried out or that can't be carried out. "

Now, when I read the threat he gave as an example, my teacher alarm bells started ringing. Both parts of the statement are very negative. Instead of saying, "If you don't keep out of the street with your bicycle, I'll take it away," it would be better with a positive slant: "Keep your bike on the driveway or you'll have to park it." I remember reading somewhere that you don't want to make every consequence something that you'll do to them. Rather, you put the ball in their court and make their consequences something they choose for themselves with their poor choices. "Keep your hands to yourself, or you'll have to sit on time out."

I'm not saying I have this discipline thing down pat, but these are the things I try to keep in mind when I'm dealing with kid behaviors I don't like. What are some of your indisputable family rules?