Paul and I learned a hard lesson this week, one that I hope you can avoid. Here's what happened:
Last month, our son developed a watery, itchy red eye over the weekend. We took him to the pediatrician on Monday and our suspicions were confirmed: it was pinkeye. He couldn't go back to school until he had at least 24 hour's worth of antibiotic eye drops. The doctor also mentioned that we should go ahead and use these drops on our daughter as needed, since pinkeye is extremely contagious.
His pinkeye cleared up in a couple of days, but he kept complaining that his eye was very sensitive to light. Hmm. I read all the fine print of side effects from the Tobramycin eye drops, but didn't remember seeing light sensitivity as one of them. I assumed it was from the pinkeye and would eventually go away.
No one else in the family ever developed pinkeye (although I was hyper-aware of every little itch in my eyes for days...sort of like when I was teaching and one of my students would have headlice and I couldn't stop scratching my head, sure that I had bugs crawling on my head, too.)
Well, the pinkeye came back in full force on Monday this week, as we made the two-hour drive to the space coast to see the Space Shuttle Atlantis lift off. By the time we parked our car and found a good spot on the river in Titusville to watch it, KID 1 could barely even open his sore eye. The good news is it was bright and sunny, a perfect day for a launch. It went up without a hitch and was an awesome sight to see!
When we got back home that night, I got out the Tobramycin drops and dosed his sore eye and his good eye (that's what you do for pinkeye) and sent him to bed. Paul and I decided that we should take him to our family eye doctor this time, worried that this could be some horrible deep-socket infection doing damage to our son's vision. I need to stop watching House.
The drama involved in our first appointment with the eye doctor was exasperating, but he eventually allowed the nurse to put drops in his eye (while I held his head back and restrained his arms...he managed to kick me in the shins several times before I got my leg wrapped over his leg the way the pediatrician's nurse does when we take him for shots. I wish I didn't have to know the best way to put a full body lock on my child, but there you go.) Everyone was assuming it was an infection until the doctor finally put the blacklight magnifier over his eye and said, "Oh, yeah. There's a foreign body in there." My heart clenched and I tried not to panic.
He allowed me to look through the magnifier and, sure enough, there was a spot on his iris, right at the lower edge. Turns out he had metal in his eye for over a month. The metal had come out, but it left rust in his eye which was preventing his eye from healing properly, leaving him susceptible to infection. We had to come back in the afternoon when another doctor was there who could remove the rust ring from our son's eye.
Really?! Rust in his eye?! We have to do all this again?! We went back and met with the second doctor who gave our son several doses of numbing drops, allowed him to feel the tiny brush he would use to brush away the rust in his eye, and then waited patiently for our son to cooperate while he stuck this little brush in his eye while holding absolutely still. After several threats and a bribe ("We'll have to hold you down and pry your eye open," "We'll have to take you to the hospital and give you gas to make you sleep so we can open your eye and remove the rust," "We won't be able to go camping next week if you have to have eye surgery,"...it was awful, to say the least), he eventually did cooperate, and it took all of two seconds (literally) to remove the rust.
He cried afterward but told us it didn't hurt. He just had to release some of that stress. Poor kid had dealt with this foreign object in his eye for over a month...I'm trying not to feel the heavy weight of guilt that is pressing on my mind. Why didn't I bring him in for a check when he kept complaining about light sensitivity?
Rachel and I were discussing this yesterday after it was all taken care of. We decided that we tend to want to believe that our kids are fine, since most of the time they are. We don't like to act like hypochondriacs...it doesn't go over well at the pediatrician's office. But in the end, no one else is going to be my child's advocate. If I end up with a reputation, so what? I will know that my child is healthy, with no broken bones or metal in his eye.
My advice to you:
1. Even if you know for sure it's pinkeye, go to the eye doctor. The pediatrician doesn't have the necessary equipment to see into the eye for a thorough examination. I'm not blaming our pediatrician. I just wish I had taken our son to the eye doctor in the first place.
2. Listen to your gut instinct, especially when it comes to your kids' health. If you think something is not quite right, have it checked. If it all turns out fine, your mind will be at ease. Who cares if the pediatrician's staff thinks you're a hypochondriac? You're single-handedly keeping them in business!
Showing posts with label raising kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label raising kids. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Reality Check
I apologize for not blogging the past 2 weeks. I had my blog all written and because I have yet to figure out how to set it to post later, I didn't remember until we were on the road to Kentucky. And last week I was just too dang tired. So anyway, as you all know, Rachel and I took our kids to her parents' house in Kentucky for a few days and we had a blast. The leaves were all different colors and the weather was gorgeous and the kids ran around outside all day and got to see their old buddy Alex. While we were there, Rachel and I were talking and she asked me if I was going to go back to teaching. I said that yes, I would love to because I kind of miss it, and that I plan to go back to work at the earliest when Micah is 4 and can go to preschool every day, but that I might wait until he starts kindergarten. Which is in 3 or 4 years, depending on the plan I choose. That is not a lot of time. That just hit me, especially when I thought about how time has flown since I became a mom, less than 4 years ago. So I decided I needed to enjoy my children as much as possible, because all too soon they're going to be teenagers, sleeping all day and spending more time with friends than family. I did a good job of it, too, on our trip. But it's been harder since we got home. Right now Ethan is sitting at the dining room table, crying because I made him sit in there instead of in front of the TV. And Micah keeps pressing the power toggle on the laptop, interrupting me here. Still, he's also putting Elmo stickers on my shirt and the other day Ethan asked, "Is God in your tummy or your body (what he calls his bottom)?" "He's in your heart," I said, and he looked down at his chest. "Where your feelings are. You know where you feel happy or sad? That's where God is." I am constantly being reminded to focus on the good in my life and in no area is that more true than with my children.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Green Acres is the Place for Me?????
Last week our family traveled even further north to visit a school that would hopefully hire my husband. I have been asking him for the last several months to find a school near a big town for me and Alex. My wish list includes a mall, a Target, and a Starbucks, and finally, the new town MUST have a CVS. At the same time, I have been asking God for a safe place to raise our son and for the courage to go where He sends us.
The nearest town to this new school is Biggsville, which I thought was a good sign. The high school also has about 350 kids, which is about three times bigger than the town we left before our one-year working vacation in the sun. I thought for sure the town would have around 3,000 people and a small grocery store, maybe even a gas station with a Subway. When we drove into Biggsville, we were greeted by the sign: Biggsville - Population 350. I truly started to panic. If this is Biggsville, how big are the other towns? I didn't see any sidewalks when we drove by. Where do the people walk? More importantly, how do they entertain preschoolers?
Alex and I had some time to explore the potential new town, but I could tell that would only take two minutes as we drove back through with nowhere to go. I tried to call my mom to ask for advice, but I couldn't reach her. Alex decided to fall asleep, so I was left alone in my panic. I began to beg God to reopen doors that had closed, and then I started praying again for courage to do what he asked of me. I also started to pray for great success in my husband's next interview as it was my new first choice.
Later that night, three men from the school took us out for dinner, so we could discuss the job more. "How cold does it get in the winter?", I asked. They paused suspiciously, "Well, December isn't too bad. We usually only have about six weeks of really cold weather starting in January, but it's not as cold as Chicago."
In the next few days, I began to warm up to the idea of a cold winter. We picked up a brochure from the next biggest town (in Iowa!), and it looks really nice. It has a Target with a Starbucks, a Kohls, and a library with a coffee shop.
Somehow, I had forgotten that I grew up in Cooks Mills - Population 150. We didn't have sidewalks or even a school. I rode the bus to our school in another small town. Our entertainment included riding bikes, swinging, jumping rope and going down to the river. We had the run of the town, and we were safe. Some of my best memories came from hanging out by the flag pole in front of our fire station or inside Lola's General Store/Post Office/Coffee Shop (black coffee only - this was before mocha's and lattes). I don't know how I forgot that I am a country girl at heart. I also remembered that my husband grew up in a small town. It worked for us and John Mellencamp. Maybe small town life is what will keep my Alex safe growing up, and that is the top item on my wish list.
The nearest town to this new school is Biggsville, which I thought was a good sign. The high school also has about 350 kids, which is about three times bigger than the town we left before our one-year working vacation in the sun. I thought for sure the town would have around 3,000 people and a small grocery store, maybe even a gas station with a Subway. When we drove into Biggsville, we were greeted by the sign: Biggsville - Population 350. I truly started to panic. If this is Biggsville, how big are the other towns? I didn't see any sidewalks when we drove by. Where do the people walk? More importantly, how do they entertain preschoolers?
Alex and I had some time to explore the potential new town, but I could tell that would only take two minutes as we drove back through with nowhere to go. I tried to call my mom to ask for advice, but I couldn't reach her. Alex decided to fall asleep, so I was left alone in my panic. I began to beg God to reopen doors that had closed, and then I started praying again for courage to do what he asked of me. I also started to pray for great success in my husband's next interview as it was my new first choice.
Later that night, three men from the school took us out for dinner, so we could discuss the job more. "How cold does it get in the winter?", I asked. They paused suspiciously, "Well, December isn't too bad. We usually only have about six weeks of really cold weather starting in January, but it's not as cold as Chicago."
In the next few days, I began to warm up to the idea of a cold winter. We picked up a brochure from the next biggest town (in Iowa!), and it looks really nice. It has a Target with a Starbucks, a Kohls, and a library with a coffee shop.
Somehow, I had forgotten that I grew up in Cooks Mills - Population 150. We didn't have sidewalks or even a school. I rode the bus to our school in another small town. Our entertainment included riding bikes, swinging, jumping rope and going down to the river. We had the run of the town, and we were safe. Some of my best memories came from hanging out by the flag pole in front of our fire station or inside Lola's General Store/Post Office/Coffee Shop (black coffee only - this was before mocha's and lattes). I don't know how I forgot that I am a country girl at heart. I also remembered that my husband grew up in a small town. It worked for us and John Mellencamp. Maybe small town life is what will keep my Alex safe growing up, and that is the top item on my wish list.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Choices...by Lindsay
(Lindsay submitted this article to Motley Moms, which kindly saves me from blogging on an already crazy, over-scheduled day. Thanks, Lindsay!!! -Donna)
As parents we all have to make choices for our families. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping, rocking to sleep vs. crying it out, etc.
Many of the choices are made after discussions with our husbands and we do what works best for our families. Some choices are made because we have researched and decided it is the best option for us. I choose to breastfeed for this reason. Some choices are made out of convenience...like picking up a pizza on your way home from a busy day. Some choices are made to save money or be "green"...this is why I choose to cloth diaper and use vinegar to clean with. Some choices are made based on our interpretation of the bible...which is why I choose to spank my kids (on occasion). And sometimes we go with "tradition"...on Sunday night it's "Eat-Anything-You-Want Night" (meaning if it's in the house, you can have it for dinner, even if that means popcorn and cereal), because that's something I did as a kid and LOVED.
As a new parent, I used to get defensive when I heard that someone else had made a very different parenting choice than I had made. I wanted to explain to them why I thought my choice was "best." I felt like their choosing something else meant they weren't well-informed. I also sometimes felt guilty because I made a different choice. For example, I don't buy organic food (most of the time). It's just not something I am overly concerned about. I do try to make healthy choices: veggies and fruit in our diet as much as I can, not buying sugary processed foods, and getting my kids to drink mostly water. But even then I break my "rules" and get cookies from the bakery on a whim just for fun.
What I have learned is that most of our choices don't really matter in the long run. My husband's grandfather is 91 yrs old. He has eaten high-fat, fried, made-with-real-butter, made-with-white-flour, smothered-in-gravy foods his whole life. He has also gotten plenty of exercise and eaten all those things in moderation. He still works on the farm every single day at 91 yrs old. While I think breastfeeding is important, that's not on job applications when you are an adult. I have a friend who fed their child nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a whole year because he "refused" anything else. He is now almost 7 and a perfectly healthy, happy, well-adjusted kid. I wouldn't have chosen to do that myself, but he is fine despite what I "think."
The point of all of that is this: As parents we make the best choices for our own family that we can. However, we will all run into someone at some point who has made different choices, and that doesn't necessarily make either of us right or wrong. And since we all know how difficult it can be to raise kids, especially small kids, we all need to be supportive of each other and not judgmental. My choices are best for my family, your choices are best for your family, and I won't criticize you if you won't criticize me. :)
As parents we all have to make choices for our families. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping, rocking to sleep vs. crying it out, etc.
Many of the choices are made after discussions with our husbands and we do what works best for our families. Some choices are made because we have researched and decided it is the best option for us. I choose to breastfeed for this reason. Some choices are made out of convenience...like picking up a pizza on your way home from a busy day. Some choices are made to save money or be "green"...this is why I choose to cloth diaper and use vinegar to clean with. Some choices are made based on our interpretation of the bible...which is why I choose to spank my kids (on occasion). And sometimes we go with "tradition"...on Sunday night it's "Eat-Anything-You-Want Night" (meaning if it's in the house, you can have it for dinner, even if that means popcorn and cereal), because that's something I did as a kid and LOVED.
As a new parent, I used to get defensive when I heard that someone else had made a very different parenting choice than I had made. I wanted to explain to them why I thought my choice was "best." I felt like their choosing something else meant they weren't well-informed. I also sometimes felt guilty because I made a different choice. For example, I don't buy organic food (most of the time). It's just not something I am overly concerned about. I do try to make healthy choices: veggies and fruit in our diet as much as I can, not buying sugary processed foods, and getting my kids to drink mostly water. But even then I break my "rules" and get cookies from the bakery on a whim just for fun.
What I have learned is that most of our choices don't really matter in the long run. My husband's grandfather is 91 yrs old. He has eaten high-fat, fried, made-with-real-butter, made-with-white-flour, smothered-in-gravy foods his whole life. He has also gotten plenty of exercise and eaten all those things in moderation. He still works on the farm every single day at 91 yrs old. While I think breastfeeding is important, that's not on job applications when you are an adult. I have a friend who fed their child nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a whole year because he "refused" anything else. He is now almost 7 and a perfectly healthy, happy, well-adjusted kid. I wouldn't have chosen to do that myself, but he is fine despite what I "think."
The point of all of that is this: As parents we make the best choices for our own family that we can. However, we will all run into someone at some point who has made different choices, and that doesn't necessarily make either of us right or wrong. And since we all know how difficult it can be to raise kids, especially small kids, we all need to be supportive of each other and not judgmental. My choices are best for my family, your choices are best for your family, and I won't criticize you if you won't criticize me. :)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Ethan: A Success Story
At approximately 7:55 a.m. on Wednesday, April 29, 2009, right after breakfast, I took Ethan into the bathroom and had him strip from the waist down. I said, "Honey, remember that Mommy had an appointment yesterday?" Nods. "Well, Mommy went to the doctor and the doctor said that you have to stay in the bathroom until you go poopy." A little whining, but not much. "So when you've gone poopy, call Mommy and I'll come help you clean it up." I sat him down on his little potty and pushed a box of books over to him. "Here's the special books Aunt Sheesha bought you to read while you go poop. Call me when you're done!" I kept it cheery and left the room.
It's true - I had gone to a doctor the day before. It wasn't Ethan's doctor, but he didn't need to know that. The doctor, bless her, gave me a John Rosemond article that suggested this approach to my child who hasn't wet his pants in months, yet refuses to poop in the potty. I love John Rosemond. His column frequently appears in the local paper and I love his no-nonsense approach to parenting. Like any other "expert," I take his advice with a grain of salt, but it's usually good stuff.
Ethan called me about 5 minutes into "poopy time." He hadn't gone yet. "I'm sorry, honey. You must've misunderstood Mommy. You only call me once you've gone poopy." About 10 minutes later, he called me again. "Mommy, read me this book!" "No, baby, I'm sorry, I can't. The doctor said pooping is a private thing and Mommy can't come in until you're done." (This part I totally pulled out of my butt.) At one point he came out of the bathroom. "Did you poop?" "No." "Then you have to go back in the bathroom. Doctor's orders!" Again, I stayed cheery. There was no yelling, no arguing, and 30 minutes in, he had pooped. He dumped the little potty into the big toilet, flushed, washed his hands, and got dressed, all with a terrific attitude! We didn't have to deal with it the rest of the day.
I was amazed. I still am. This morning there was a little bit more resistance, but not much, and again, about 30 minutes in, he had gone poop, we cleaned up, got ready for school, and off we went. I'll admit I'm a little worried about tomorrow because it's our preschool field trip to Green Meadows Farm and we're supposed to be there by 9:15, but that's okay. If we're late, we're late. It was really, really hard for me to not go in this morning and tell him to hurry up, but I didn't. That wouldn't be fair to him and it's not necessary. I just did some deep breathing and kept telling myself, "Stay the course. Stay the course."
It's funny how many things I've vowed to do different with Micah because of "mistakes" I feel I've made with Ethan. I really think I waited too long to potty train him. It might not have gone any faster, but I also might not have had so much resistance. And headaches. I'm starting Micah this summer. I'm going to enlist Ethan's help, I'm not going to rush, but I am at least going to introduce the idea of going in the potty. Who knows? Maybe in a year or two I'll be done with diapers. Done with diapers! Yea!
It's true - I had gone to a doctor the day before. It wasn't Ethan's doctor, but he didn't need to know that. The doctor, bless her, gave me a John Rosemond article that suggested this approach to my child who hasn't wet his pants in months, yet refuses to poop in the potty. I love John Rosemond. His column frequently appears in the local paper and I love his no-nonsense approach to parenting. Like any other "expert," I take his advice with a grain of salt, but it's usually good stuff.
Ethan called me about 5 minutes into "poopy time." He hadn't gone yet. "I'm sorry, honey. You must've misunderstood Mommy. You only call me once you've gone poopy." About 10 minutes later, he called me again. "Mommy, read me this book!" "No, baby, I'm sorry, I can't. The doctor said pooping is a private thing and Mommy can't come in until you're done." (This part I totally pulled out of my butt.) At one point he came out of the bathroom. "Did you poop?" "No." "Then you have to go back in the bathroom. Doctor's orders!" Again, I stayed cheery. There was no yelling, no arguing, and 30 minutes in, he had pooped. He dumped the little potty into the big toilet, flushed, washed his hands, and got dressed, all with a terrific attitude! We didn't have to deal with it the rest of the day.
I was amazed. I still am. This morning there was a little bit more resistance, but not much, and again, about 30 minutes in, he had gone poop, we cleaned up, got ready for school, and off we went. I'll admit I'm a little worried about tomorrow because it's our preschool field trip to Green Meadows Farm and we're supposed to be there by 9:15, but that's okay. If we're late, we're late. It was really, really hard for me to not go in this morning and tell him to hurry up, but I didn't. That wouldn't be fair to him and it's not necessary. I just did some deep breathing and kept telling myself, "Stay the course. Stay the course."
It's funny how many things I've vowed to do different with Micah because of "mistakes" I feel I've made with Ethan. I really think I waited too long to potty train him. It might not have gone any faster, but I also might not have had so much resistance. And headaches. I'm starting Micah this summer. I'm going to enlist Ethan's help, I'm not going to rush, but I am at least going to introduce the idea of going in the potty. Who knows? Maybe in a year or two I'll be done with diapers. Done with diapers! Yea!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Because That's the Rule!
It's funny how we "make a rule" for the things we know we want to stick to. Karly's post and the comments that followed it got me thinking about how and why we make rules. Sometimes our motivation is practical: "Last one out shuts the gate!" Sometimes it's for their safety: "Always wear your helmet when you ride your bike or scooter." Sometimes it's for our sanity: "If you're both going to sing, sing the same song!" And sometimes it's purely self-serving, which in the long-run serves the family: "Mommy needs privacy in the bathroom!"
When we actually say with authority that it's a rule, our kids know we feel it's important. Kids appreciate boundaries. They like to know what we expect of them.
That brings me to the subject of consequences. Beyond the baby and early toddler years, natural consequences are fair and appropriate. It's not fair to implement consequences for a behavior if they've never been warned about it before. That also applies to positive consequences. If there is a reward to be earned, they need to know how they can earn it or lose it before they enter a situation. "Kids who stay right with Mommy in the grocery store get a cookie in the bakery when we're done!" If it's a new rule we are trying to establish, they usually want to know why we need the rule. I don't mind telling them the brief reasoning behind it ("to keep you safe"). It helps them make sense of it and to know that we have their best interests in mind.
Dr. Spock says that we should "avoid threats as much as possible. They tend to weaken discipline. It may sound reasonable to say, "If you don't keep out of the street with your bicycle, I'll take it away." But in a sense, a threat is a dare--it admits that the child may disobey. It should impress him more to be firmly told he must keep out of the street, if he knows from experience that his parents mean what they say. On the other hand, if you see that you may have to impose a drastic penalty like taking away a beloved bike for a few days, it's better to give fair warning. It certainly is silly, and quickly destroys all a parent's authority, to make threats that aren't ever carried out or that can't be carried out. "
Now, when I read the threat he gave as an example, my teacher alarm bells started ringing. Both parts of the statement are very negative. Instead of saying, "If you don't keep out of the street with your bicycle, I'll take it away," it would be better with a positive slant: "Keep your bike on the driveway or you'll have to park it." I remember reading somewhere that you don't want to make every consequence something that you'll do to them. Rather, you put the ball in their court and make their consequences something they choose for themselves with their poor choices. "Keep your hands to yourself, or you'll have to sit on time out."
I'm not saying I have this discipline thing down pat, but these are the things I try to keep in mind when I'm dealing with kid behaviors I don't like. What are some of your indisputable family rules?
When we actually say with authority that it's a rule, our kids know we feel it's important. Kids appreciate boundaries. They like to know what we expect of them.
That brings me to the subject of consequences. Beyond the baby and early toddler years, natural consequences are fair and appropriate. It's not fair to implement consequences for a behavior if they've never been warned about it before. That also applies to positive consequences. If there is a reward to be earned, they need to know how they can earn it or lose it before they enter a situation. "Kids who stay right with Mommy in the grocery store get a cookie in the bakery when we're done!" If it's a new rule we are trying to establish, they usually want to know why we need the rule. I don't mind telling them the brief reasoning behind it ("to keep you safe"). It helps them make sense of it and to know that we have their best interests in mind.
Dr. Spock says that we should "avoid threats as much as possible. They tend to weaken discipline. It may sound reasonable to say, "If you don't keep out of the street with your bicycle, I'll take it away." But in a sense, a threat is a dare--it admits that the child may disobey. It should impress him more to be firmly told he must keep out of the street, if he knows from experience that his parents mean what they say. On the other hand, if you see that you may have to impose a drastic penalty like taking away a beloved bike for a few days, it's better to give fair warning. It certainly is silly, and quickly destroys all a parent's authority, to make threats that aren't ever carried out or that can't be carried out. "
Now, when I read the threat he gave as an example, my teacher alarm bells started ringing. Both parts of the statement are very negative. Instead of saying, "If you don't keep out of the street with your bicycle, I'll take it away," it would be better with a positive slant: "Keep your bike on the driveway or you'll have to park it." I remember reading somewhere that you don't want to make every consequence something that you'll do to them. Rather, you put the ball in their court and make their consequences something they choose for themselves with their poor choices. "Keep your hands to yourself, or you'll have to sit on time out."
I'm not saying I have this discipline thing down pat, but these are the things I try to keep in mind when I'm dealing with kid behaviors I don't like. What are some of your indisputable family rules?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Do You Enjoy Your Kids?
Has this ever happened to you? You just don't feel like playing with your kids. That sounds horrible, I know. So, I googled "how to enjoy children". This is the first thing that came up and it helped me put things into perspective and gave me some practical advice.
By Jeffrey D. Murrah
Do you enjoy your kids? Do others enjoy your kids? Hopefully, as a parent you are able to answer each of these questions in the affirmative. Parenting, like so many areas of life requires us to get our hands dirty. In order to enjoy our children, it is necessary for parents to extend themselves beyond their "comfort zone." Leaving the comfort zone means trying something new, novel and creative with your children.
Some parents attempt raising children without leaving their comfort zone. This type of parenting emphasizes parental convenience at the expense of experiencing childhood. Like window shopping or watching squirrels, children can be admired from a distance. Admiring from a distance is a cheap substitute for enjoying who your children are.
Admiration is important to children, yet doing things with them means more. Children generally crave attention, with calls of "Mommy! Daddy! Look at me!" A way to enjoy them, and them to enjoy you is to join them. This means that instead of just giving them a movie to watch, view it with them. When your children are swimming, join them in the pool. I have seen my own children overjoyed when their grandparents join them in the swimming pool, rather than just observing. After jumping in the pool, try really enjoying your children by splashing and playing instead of floating like an iceberg.
Be creative in finding ways to enjoy your children. Making cookies for them is nice, yet making cookies with them means more. Instead of just watching them play ball, try joining them at times. Playing games with them and reading to them are also ways to enjoy your children. Since the holidays are quickly approaching, look for opportunities to join your children in doing things together.
The word 'enjoy' literally means to enter into a joyous state. To enjoy children involves reaching out and joining them in having fun. As parents join their children, a new reciprocity often develops. Children then start showing an interest in the parents' hobbies or activities. Another benefit is that parents and children know who each other helps to strengthen bonds. Knowing and enjoying who your child is as a person is preferred to what your child does. Enjoying your children also builds their self-confidence and sense of security.
Enjoying children requires effort. It is easier to voyeuristically watch them, snickering at their antics than it is to join them. Watching them can send the message to the child that they are objects for the parent's enjoyment or that they are being made fun of. Joining them sends the message to them, "you are important" and "you have value." Our children look to us for affirmation. It is up to the parents to choose if children are to be put on display or enjoyed.
Jeffrey D. Murrah is a licensed marriage and family therapist with offices in Pasadena and La Porte. He can be reached at (713) 944-4335 or his website, restorethefamily.com.
By Jeffrey D. Murrah
Do you enjoy your kids? Do others enjoy your kids? Hopefully, as a parent you are able to answer each of these questions in the affirmative. Parenting, like so many areas of life requires us to get our hands dirty. In order to enjoy our children, it is necessary for parents to extend themselves beyond their "comfort zone." Leaving the comfort zone means trying something new, novel and creative with your children.
Some parents attempt raising children without leaving their comfort zone. This type of parenting emphasizes parental convenience at the expense of experiencing childhood. Like window shopping or watching squirrels, children can be admired from a distance. Admiring from a distance is a cheap substitute for enjoying who your children are.
Admiration is important to children, yet doing things with them means more. Children generally crave attention, with calls of "Mommy! Daddy! Look at me!" A way to enjoy them, and them to enjoy you is to join them. This means that instead of just giving them a movie to watch, view it with them. When your children are swimming, join them in the pool. I have seen my own children overjoyed when their grandparents join them in the swimming pool, rather than just observing. After jumping in the pool, try really enjoying your children by splashing and playing instead of floating like an iceberg.
Be creative in finding ways to enjoy your children. Making cookies for them is nice, yet making cookies with them means more. Instead of just watching them play ball, try joining them at times. Playing games with them and reading to them are also ways to enjoy your children. Since the holidays are quickly approaching, look for opportunities to join your children in doing things together.
The word 'enjoy' literally means to enter into a joyous state. To enjoy children involves reaching out and joining them in having fun. As parents join their children, a new reciprocity often develops. Children then start showing an interest in the parents' hobbies or activities. Another benefit is that parents and children know who each other helps to strengthen bonds. Knowing and enjoying who your child is as a person is preferred to what your child does. Enjoying your children also builds their self-confidence and sense of security.
Enjoying children requires effort. It is easier to voyeuristically watch them, snickering at their antics than it is to join them. Watching them can send the message to the child that they are objects for the parent's enjoyment or that they are being made fun of. Joining them sends the message to them, "you are important" and "you have value." Our children look to us for affirmation. It is up to the parents to choose if children are to be put on display or enjoyed.
Jeffrey D. Murrah is a licensed marriage and family therapist with offices in Pasadena and La Porte. He can be reached at (713) 944-4335 or his website, restorethefamily.com.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
A Tiny Dagger to the Heart
On Easter morning, we rolled out of bed and dressed for the Bok Sunrise Service, as planned. (Actually, Paul probably rolled whereas I eventually dragged myself out of my cocoon of sheets and blankets.) I had stayed up until almost midnight Saturday night preparing Easter baskets and stuffing eggs for the backyard hunt. Miriam's personal motto of "anything worth doing is worth overdoing" still ringing in my head, I even stuffed some giant eggs with special treats for each of our little egg hunters. So much for keeping the bar low.
Feeling pretty darn good about the fact that we wrestled two preschoolers into the car in their Easter attire by 6 am AFTER they opened their Easter baskets, we trundled on up Iron Mountain for the rising of the sun.
The service was beautiful, as always, with one little change this year: at every pause in the program, our little 2-year-old's munchkin voice would pierce the silence with "Is it over yet, Daddy?" At the end of every song and prayer, and even when we waited anxiously for the poor choir member who fainted in the middle of the service to stand and be escorted out, "Is it over yet, Daddy?" We became the little running joke in our seating area...toddlers are always good for a laugh.
We made it through the chuckles and sidelong glances from empty nesters who obviously remembered the preschool years all too well...their looks said, "Enjoy this sweetness. These years will be gone too soon." I smiled back knowingly, reflecting on how quickly our first child has grown. He's so big and mature. It's hard to believe 5 1/2 years have gone by! I vowed to myself, yet again, to accept the challenge and "enjoy these years while I can."
On our way back through the sanctuary, we stopped to take a picture of the kids in front of a colorful garden. KID 1 wore his red cowboy hat that morning and had even adorned it with a bright green feather for Easter morning. Paul took a couple of pics and then asked the cowboy to remove his hat for the last picture. I held it until they were done, then handed it back saying, "Your Easter bonnet, sir!"
He snatched it away and stuffed it back on his head, mumbling "I hate you!" just so I could hear. Let me tell you, it was all I could do not to start bawling right there, and I'm no cry-baby. I just couldn't believe this was the happy moment he chose to hit me with "I hate you!"
I didn't cry. I stopped him and had the "How Do You Think That Made Me Feel" talk with him, he apologized, I told him I love him, and we continued on with Easter morning. But it stung. It still stings. And I know there is more of that to come, I just wasn't expecting it so soon. I know he really loves me most of the time, but I love him ALL of the time, so my heart was just not prepared for that little dagger. I guess it's time to toughen up a bit.
Feeling pretty darn good about the fact that we wrestled two preschoolers into the car in their Easter attire by 6 am AFTER they opened their Easter baskets, we trundled on up Iron Mountain for the rising of the sun.
The service was beautiful, as always, with one little change this year: at every pause in the program, our little 2-year-old's munchkin voice would pierce the silence with "Is it over yet, Daddy?" At the end of every song and prayer, and even when we waited anxiously for the poor choir member who fainted in the middle of the service to stand and be escorted out, "Is it over yet, Daddy?" We became the little running joke in our seating area...toddlers are always good for a laugh.
We made it through the chuckles and sidelong glances from empty nesters who obviously remembered the preschool years all too well...their looks said, "Enjoy this sweetness. These years will be gone too soon." I smiled back knowingly, reflecting on how quickly our first child has grown. He's so big and mature. It's hard to believe 5 1/2 years have gone by! I vowed to myself, yet again, to accept the challenge and "enjoy these years while I can."
On our way back through the sanctuary, we stopped to take a picture of the kids in front of a colorful garden. KID 1 wore his red cowboy hat that morning and had even adorned it with a bright green feather for Easter morning. Paul took a couple of pics and then asked the cowboy to remove his hat for the last picture. I held it until they were done, then handed it back saying, "Your Easter bonnet, sir!"
He snatched it away and stuffed it back on his head, mumbling "I hate you!" just so I could hear. Let me tell you, it was all I could do not to start bawling right there, and I'm no cry-baby. I just couldn't believe this was the happy moment he chose to hit me with "I hate you!"
I didn't cry. I stopped him and had the "How Do You Think That Made Me Feel" talk with him, he apologized, I told him I love him, and we continued on with Easter morning. But it stung. It still stings. And I know there is more of that to come, I just wasn't expecting it so soon. I know he really loves me most of the time, but I love him ALL of the time, so my heart was just not prepared for that little dagger. I guess it's time to toughen up a bit.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Things To Remember
I am laying in bed while my dear sweet husband is downstairs with THE Princess making something in the workshop. Our little King of the Jungle is nestled in next to me sleeping. It's dusk and our bedroom windows are opening with the cool breeze wafting in. I can hear faint sounds of people at the park down the street and the crickets are chirping. Giggling from downstairs. My baby breathing deeply in sleep.
I try to keep moments like these. Tuck them away in my memory for another day and time. When I need to remember. These times will change. My children will grow.
I try to keep a running list of some of the things I want my children to know. I found part of that list, written in the margin of a magazine and wadded at the bottom of my purse this week. (I am nothing if not organized.) My girl turns 4 tomorrow. 4. Where did the time go? My darling, I hope I am passing on some of this wit and wisdom to you.
Jesus loves you.
Smile. Everyone is more lovely when they smile.
If you don't know the words to a song, just sing the word "watermelon" over and over. It will make your mouth look right. (Trust me.)
Don't feel you have to change or be different to be acceptable. You are just right.
If there are no paper towels to dry your hands on, just fix your hair a bit. It works every time.
Learn the secret whistle and use it to find me when you can't see me. (Note to self: teach children to whistle.)
Put off plucking your eyebrows, shaving your legs, and coloring your hair for as long as possible. Once you start, you can never stop.
Choose your attitude when you wake up every morning. Fake it if you have to.
Always carry 2 hankies, one for show and one for blow.
Hold hands.
Learn how to make a "specialty dish." Something complicated that you can cook perfectly. (Trust me on this one, you'll use it more than you think.)
Knowing how to make a cup out of a piece of paper is a life skill.
You always have time to tell someone that you love them.
I try to keep moments like these. Tuck them away in my memory for another day and time. When I need to remember. These times will change. My children will grow.
I try to keep a running list of some of the things I want my children to know. I found part of that list, written in the margin of a magazine and wadded at the bottom of my purse this week. (I am nothing if not organized.) My girl turns 4 tomorrow. 4. Where did the time go? My darling, I hope I am passing on some of this wit and wisdom to you.
Jesus loves you.
Smile. Everyone is more lovely when they smile.
If you don't know the words to a song, just sing the word "watermelon" over and over. It will make your mouth look right. (Trust me.)
Don't feel you have to change or be different to be acceptable. You are just right.
If there are no paper towels to dry your hands on, just fix your hair a bit. It works every time.
Learn the secret whistle and use it to find me when you can't see me. (Note to self: teach children to whistle.)
Put off plucking your eyebrows, shaving your legs, and coloring your hair for as long as possible. Once you start, you can never stop.
Choose your attitude when you wake up every morning. Fake it if you have to.
Always carry 2 hankies, one for show and one for blow.
Hold hands.
Learn how to make a "specialty dish." Something complicated that you can cook perfectly. (Trust me on this one, you'll use it more than you think.)
Knowing how to make a cup out of a piece of paper is a life skill.
You always have time to tell someone that you love them.
Tell stories.
Cut a pie in 7 pieces, thus creating the perfect-sized slice of pie.
If a member of the opposite sex is getting fresh and they don't understand the meaning of "no" then stick your finger down your throat and throw up on them. (This has never failed.)
Nothing you ever do will make me not love you.
Have people over, even if your house is messy and especially if it is dusty.
Cut a pie in 7 pieces, thus creating the perfect-sized slice of pie.
If a member of the opposite sex is getting fresh and they don't understand the meaning of "no" then stick your finger down your throat and throw up on them. (This has never failed.)
Nothing you ever do will make me not love you.
Have people over, even if your house is messy and especially if it is dusty.
Sing songs. Silly, serious, off-tune. Sing loud. (And not only in the shower.)
Keep cut and serve cookies in your freezer for unexpected guests. (Plus, it makes it seem like you were just baking when they stopped by!)
It's always worth it to tell the truth. It's not always easy.
Keep cut and serve cookies in your freezer for unexpected guests. (Plus, it makes it seem like you were just baking when they stopped by!)
It's always worth it to tell the truth. It's not always easy.
When you are a parent one day, remember that what your kids think of you is more important than what your friends think of you.
Life is hard. I am always on your side, even when you don't think so.
When you go to a new place to eat ask what their specialty is. Then try it. (Don't order sushi at a steakhouse.)
Stop, drop, and roll is for when YOU are on fire. 911 is for when someone else is.
If someone says something mean or hurtful, say "thank you." It works well to end a conversation. (Heaping coals of fire on their heads, I say.)
Kiss your husband on the lips, everyday. (Watch out, I'm wearing my business socks!)
Life is hard. I am always on your side, even when you don't think so.
When you go to a new place to eat ask what their specialty is. Then try it. (Don't order sushi at a steakhouse.)
Stop, drop, and roll is for when YOU are on fire. 911 is for when someone else is.
If someone says something mean or hurtful, say "thank you." It works well to end a conversation. (Heaping coals of fire on their heads, I say.)
Kiss your husband on the lips, everyday. (Watch out, I'm wearing my business socks!)
Duck the brick is a fun game. (No one ever gets hit with the brick more than once!)
You can love someone deeply, and not marry (or have sex) with them. The longer you wait, the better you will like it. (I am gonna wait a few years on this one, girls.)
At any job, you can be replaced. You will never be replaced by your family.
Play tricks. A few or our family favorites are: plastic wrap over the toilet seat, salt in the sugar bowl (covered with a thin layer of sugar, in case anyone checks), fake dog poo in the bottom of the coffee cup, a spinner that shoots water at you when you lift the toilet lid, and toothpaste in oreos.
You can love someone deeply, and not marry (or have sex) with them. The longer you wait, the better you will like it. (I am gonna wait a few years on this one, girls.)
At any job, you can be replaced. You will never be replaced by your family.
Play tricks. A few or our family favorites are: plastic wrap over the toilet seat, salt in the sugar bowl (covered with a thin layer of sugar, in case anyone checks), fake dog poo in the bottom of the coffee cup, a spinner that shoots water at you when you lift the toilet lid, and toothpaste in oreos.
Especially when you are tired and worn out, do something nice for someone else. It's worth it.
You will always, always be my baby. Always.
What wisdom will you be passing along?
You will always, always be my baby. Always.
What wisdom will you be passing along?
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