...because we all have our motley moments!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

A Tiny Dagger to the Heart

On Easter morning, we rolled out of bed and dressed for the Bok Sunrise Service, as planned. (Actually, Paul probably rolled whereas I eventually dragged myself out of my cocoon of sheets and blankets.) I had stayed up until almost midnight Saturday night preparing Easter baskets and stuffing eggs for the backyard hunt. Miriam's personal motto of "anything worth doing is worth overdoing" still ringing in my head, I even stuffed some giant eggs with special treats for each of our little egg hunters. So much for keeping the bar low.

Feeling pretty darn good about the fact that we wrestled two preschoolers into the car in their Easter attire by 6 am AFTER they opened their Easter baskets, we trundled on up Iron Mountain for the rising of the sun.

The service was beautiful, as always, with one little change this year: at every pause in the program, our little 2-year-old's munchkin voice would pierce the silence with "Is it over yet, Daddy?" At the end of every song and prayer, and even when we waited anxiously for the poor choir member who fainted in the middle of the service to stand and be escorted out, "Is it over yet, Daddy?" We became the little running joke in our seating area...toddlers are always good for a laugh.

We made it through the chuckles and sidelong glances from empty nesters who obviously remembered the preschool years all too well...their looks said, "Enjoy this sweetness. These years will be gone too soon." I smiled back knowingly, reflecting on how quickly our first child has grown. He's so big and mature. It's hard to believe 5 1/2 years have gone by! I vowed to myself, yet again, to accept the challenge and "enjoy these years while I can."

On our way back through the sanctuary, we stopped to take a picture of the kids in front of a colorful garden. KID 1 wore his red cowboy hat that morning and had even adorned it with a bright green feather for Easter morning. Paul took a couple of pics and then asked the cowboy to remove his hat for the last picture. I held it until they were done, then handed it back saying, "Your Easter bonnet, sir!"

He snatched it away and stuffed it back on his head, mumbling "I hate you!" just so I could hear. Let me tell you, it was all I could do not to start bawling right there, and I'm no cry-baby. I just couldn't believe this was the happy moment he chose to hit me with "I hate you!"

I didn't cry. I stopped him and had the "How Do You Think That Made Me Feel" talk with him, he apologized, I told him I love him, and we continued on with Easter morning. But it stung. It still stings. And I know there is more of that to come, I just wasn't expecting it so soon. I know he really loves me most of the time, but I love him ALL of the time, so my heart was just not prepared for that little dagger. I guess it's time to toughen up a bit.


Pam said...

So sad. I have dreaded that day because I know it is coming for me too. I am sure I have read or herad somewhere that chocolate, although it cannot completely heal a wounded heart, can help it heal much faster :).

Liz said...

Ouch! I don't think you can ever get tough enough for that not to sting.
I'm with Pam - eat chocolate. Lots of it.

Karly said...

Devastating!! I guess there is no good time to hear that your child hates you, but Easter morning after all your hard work-Double Devastating!!

At least he didn't say, "I'm gonna shoot you in the face!" Like my little precious cherub. Oh, yeah.
I'm not sure he knew what he was saying, because after I explained that if he did that I would die and he would have no mommy, and he would be going to jail...he was reduced to a puddle of tears.

Still, should I be sleeping with one eye open?

I agree with Pam, a little chocolate helps everything. Or some Ben and Jerry's ice cream. You may have to splurge.

Donna said...

Paul made vanilla ice cream last night and the homemade hot fudge sauce is cooling on the stovetop right now!

I don't think he recognized the impact his words would have when said aloud against a person. I've never heard him say he hated anyone before. I could tell he felt really bad afterward, which is a good sign, I think!

fawnda said...

Holy Cow! I would have cried! I would have been ticked off and I don't know if I could have done a "how do you think that made me feel talk" I am impressed!

I am so NOT ready to hear those words! Good thing out litte king doesn't say many words yet!


Rachel said...

True, Donna--unfortunately none of us really know the impact our words will have until we've actually used them. It was a hard lesson for him to learn, but a good one, and at least his words were directed at the one person in the world who could love him no matter what he says! It doesn't make hearing it any easier, though...

Maria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maria said...

Yes. Been there.

There's that little line in Nemo where he says "I hate you" to his Dad right before he's taken by the scuba diver. I cringe every time I watch that with my girls. I like to point out to them what horrible things happen AFTER he says that to his dad.

Donna said...

You girls are assuaging my wounded heart with your wit and insight! Thanks for the comments...I really do feel better. ;-)

Lindsay said...

Those three little words that we all dread hearing some day from our kids but probably all will. Luckily for me it hasn't happened yet, but I know that it will with 3 girls full of drama. My neice has said on on many occasions. But I so agree with Rachel. Even as adults we have no idea how our words really affect people sometimes. It's times like this just to remind ourselves that kids don't always truly mean or understand what they say.