I've been tackling putting away the Christmas decorations. THE Princess has decided that we should keep them up so we are ready for next Christmas "in a few days." Ah, I love that time doesn't have it's death grip on her yet. Almost everything is "tomorrow" or "yesterday." How I wish I could revert to the days when my biggest worry was how many popsicles I could get away with eating before my mom figured out that I was on my fifth one.
THE Princess's first Christmas, it was just us. Her dad had split just before she was born. I was struggling just to pay the mortgage and going through a terrible divorce. My weekly food budget was $25, thankfully I ate with my mom often. I scrounged together $50 to buy a tree from the Care Center. It came complete with lights and all. They had ornaments for 5 cents and I got about $3 worth. That year, our tree was magic.
We would sit in the dark and look at the lights for hours. Many nights we slept on the couch or made a nest of blankets under the tree. THE Princess was about 9 months old and mesmerized by the lights and the glitter. I was mesmerized by her. It was a little bit of joy in our big old house. A house that seemed empty and quite lonely much of the time.
And that year, I left the tree up until her birthday in March. I didn't care who drove by and saw the lights in the front window in February. We just needed something. Anything. To get us through. The twinkly tree lights seemed to help.
Each year as I pack up the tree and it's decorations (we still use that same one from the Care Center)I think about leaving the tree up until March. Sitting and looking at it in the dark with my little one. The unadulterated joy it brought her. Our tree is magic, you know. THE Princess says so. Plus, we have to be ready for Christmas tomorrow.
6 comments:
That brought tears to my eyes. We're still in that "time is relative" phase around here, too. It's so hard to convey time to little ones, who crave immediacy. Right now is all that matters to them, so I try to live in the "right now" alongside my children, seeing the world with the wonder and awe of a child's eyes.
That's a really sweet story, Bryssy.
Great post Bryssy! I am totally craying! I love Christmas so I say leave it up all year! : )
Fawnda
This is a beautiful post, Bryssy! I teared up, too! Thank you so much for sharing!
Wow! I totally wasn't expecting to cry! I'm really choked up. Partly because I remember how my heart went out to you during that dark time. Paul and I prayed for you on several occasions as God brought you to our minds. Partly because it is amazing how far God has brought you and how He has blessed you in so many ways since then. And partly because I also feel like the Christmas tree is magic. I always feel a little bit sad as I take it down each year. My four year old cried this year. He said he didn't want wait a "whole year for another Christmas tree"! Appparent time is starting to grip him. Good thing his birthday is next week. On to the next celebration!
Great Post!
Thanks, girls. I wasn't trying ot make you cry. I'm sorry. I am just getting to the point where I can talk or write about that aweful time. I know THE Princess doesn't remember it, thankfully, but I sure do.
It is truly amazing how God worked in our life. While we were going through it, it felt like time was standing still. That the hurt would never stop.
I was so lucky to have so many people praying for us. I didn't know (and still don't) how much people knew about what was happening. I am really blessed to have had so many people lift us up in prayer.
The Christmas tree gave us hope. It still does. But, I did manage to put it away, if I didn't get it done before school started yesterday, I wouldn't get it done until March. Seriously.
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