You Know You're a Motley Mom When...

My aunt recently emailed me some news that would make most grocery shoppers' blood run cold. Not to make light of someone else's tragedy, but this is my actual, rather motley stream-of-thought email response to her note that "last night's murder/suicide was at MY Publix!"...

Donna: Oh my gosh! I hadn't heard anything about it here. That's scary. I wish our Publix filled online orders for pickup. That would be awesome. I'd never have to drag our two kids through the grocery store again...my own grocery nightmares actually never involve murderers. Just really whiny kids who think popping the air out of the bag of frozen peas and watching how far they scatter is what grocery shopping is all about. Aaaargh! Actually, B was trying, unsuccessfully, to be a good helper by getting the peas out of the freezer section for me. But he spent too long doodling on the inside of the foggy freezer door and when I snapped at him to "hurry up and get the peas!" he grabbed them a little too hard and, "POP!" Then he realized he could "ice skate" down the aisle on the frozen peas. Yep, we are awesome everywhere we go.

Just thought I'd share that little exchange, since you have probably had plenty of your own "Grocery Nightmares" over the years. Don'tcha just love shopping with the kids?!

Birth of a Blog Post

Today has been one of those days. The kind where I'm busy all day but by the end, I can't really account for my time. I realized around lunchtime that Liz hadn't posted yet because today is NOT Thursday. I kept holding out hope that she would post something later in the day, since her posting time seems to coincide with naptime, but then the full reality of WEDNESDAY hit me. Time seems to be hurtling away from me these days and I just can't keep track. I know that today is one of those days when squeezing out a blog post will be like giving birth...painful, messy, and forgetable, but decided to check in anyway and share what's on my mind.

We found out today that the homeschool kindergarten rule is, indeed, a stupid, stupid rule that will not go away. Our kindergartners in Florida will not be promoted to first grade unless they have completed an accredited, public school kindergarten program. They will repeat kindergarten whether they need to or not if, for some reason, we cannot provide a homeschool first grade education and must enroll them in school. The rule only applies to kindergarten. After that, students are evaluated for grade level placement.

If kindergarten were still the housekeeping, blocks, and reading centers that I remember, it would be so much more palatable. Unfortunately, kindergarten consists of a LOT of testing, deskwork, and basically the same stuff we did in first grade. Our son hates it. He can read, write, tell time, add numbers, count by 5's and 10's, tie his shoes, and so much more, but sit him in a classroom doing worksheets and deskwork all day and his yearning to learn gets squelched. I hate that I have to watch it happen day by day of this 180 day school year. It's painful.

We love his teacher. We love his school. I love the energy and enthusiasm of the staff. Unfortunately, it's a system that does not serve the kids who excel. I'm looking forward to guiding his education myself next year, nurturing his love of learning. It's going to be so good.

Lost

Somewhere along the way, I have lost myself. I used to love fun and having fun. I used to love laughing. I used to have dreams and goals. Now, I have dark circles, gray hair, and a small but growing number of unwanted pounds. I don't work outside of our home, but I am very much all about business. My day is filled with getting work done, which is a giant mystery to me. What am I working on? What do I have that engulfs so much of my time? I do not volunteer. I am not on committees. I am not at playgroups. What on earth is taking up so much of my time that I do not have time to take care of myself?

I think it happened two summers ago when I went in for my hysterectomy. I think my doctor secretly did a lobotomy too and took out the fun part of my personality! Shortly after my surgery, I gained 10 pounds in four weeks, and none of my clothes fit. To fix that problem, I tried the Atkins diet and had a lot of success by not eating most of my favorite foods. Now, I feel guilty for eating fruit, and it feels like I gain weight by just thinking about eating a brownie.

Today, I am going out to look for myself. I am going to start by looking at Wal-Mart in the fruits and vegetables section. If I am not there, maybe I can find myself in the whole grains section of the bread department. I will also be looking in the appliance department by the blenders. Or perhaps, I will find my self at the bottom of a bottle of (wait for it) Clairol's Natural Instincts in golden cappuccino. Maybe I will be hiding somewhere in the cosmetics aisle looking for eye cream. If I am not there, I will check at Starbucks. Maybe I left myself there a couple of hundred mochas ago. Sadly, there is a good chance I might find myself at Target buying a pair of fat pants or maybe dumb bells.

This should be the best time of my life. I finally have the child I have waited my whole life for, and I am raising him with a wonderful man. My husband is a sweet, loving man who really does want to help me and wants me to be happy. This is Halloween when fun should be easy - dipping apples in caramel and carving jack-o-lanterns. Even as I write this, my life is getting easier. Plumber and electrician are here putting a shower into our bathtub.

Last week, one of my facebook friends asked if 40 was the new 30. My reply was, "Forty will be the new 30 until people our age getting closer to 50. Then 50 will be the new 30." Of course I was teasing, but I am sick of missing out on fun in my life. I am tired of looking forward to the fun. This is the time to enjoy life even if our lives are filled with hard work, blood from skinned knees, sweat from chasing small children, and tears, some of our own and some from the aforementioned small children.

Is anyone else lost, or is it just me? And, if you find me here before I get back, please let me know :)

Big Events

The past two weeks have been pretty exciting 'round here at the ol' Sebring domicile. Last week I decided that by God, Ethan was getting potty trained. I literally dragged him into the bathroom kicking and screaming several times. And I've read all the books and I know you're supposed to let them do it when they're ready and not punish them, blah blah blah, but my kid is stubborn. Obstinate to the core. So I had to punish him. I had to force the issue. I had to give him time-outs and pops on the hiney for not cooperating. When he did actually go pee in the potty, I made a huge deal. We did the dance of joy down the hallway. I gave him M&M's. I gave him stickers - one on each hand. I told everyone I've ever met. He is now going pretty regularly and even went in a PUBLIC RESTROOM at Animal Kingdom on Saturday. It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It's such a freeing feeling. Now, if I could just get him to stop pooping in his Pull-Ups...

Micah also had a big week. He walked! He had taken a couple of little steps, but last week he started taking 5-6 steps at a time. It helped to have his Grandma's cane to lure him. For some reason he loves that cane. He would rather walk to it than to his own mother. 

This week is birthday week. No, I did not intend to have 2 children within the same week (2 years apart, of course), but my anniversary is the end of May. Do the math. Micah's birthday was Tuesday. The whole fam-damily and some close friends came over for supper and cupcakes. Yesterday some friends met us at the train park for a picnic and more cupcakes. Today I'm taking in a special snack (Lightning McQueen fruit snacks, apple juice, and cookies) for Ethan's preschool class, and tomorrow night we are having another dinner with the family and close friends because it's Ethan's birthday. I am going to attempt to make Ethan a Thomas the Train cake. I will probably post pictures of this "cake wreck" next week. I am not crafty AT ALL (a quick confession: sometimes when I go to MOPS and I see the table set up for crafts, I break into a cold sweat and want to run away), but I'm going to try my best for my lil guy. I can't believe I planned all this partying so close together. This is compounded by the fact that Todd and I spent Sunday puking our guts up and then Monday recovering. I'm still not totally well, evidenced by the fact that I have had not one single cupcake. 

I realize that I'm rambling. That's probably because I made the coffee this morning and I always make it a little too strong. I just wanted to share with you the big events that have happened in my kids' lives since I last wrote. I can't believe that as of tomorrow, I have a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old. And that one of them is walking and one of them is going pee in the potty. Time sure does fly. Now, if any of you have any suggestions for getting them to poop in the potty...

My Own Pandora's Box...Motley Musings of a Confused Mama

I am probably the wishy-washiest, most disorganized of all the Motley Moms. My house is mostly messy (I'm not just saying that...it's really true) and I let my kids dress themselves. Partly because I'm too lazy to assert any control over what they wear and partly because it's good for them to be in control of something in their lives...I can relate. Some days I feel like the outfit I choose to wear is the only thing I've been truly intentional about. The rest of it just happens. Other days, I'm totally in control, confident, and on top of things. Those days are pretty rare. I should start putting a shiny star sticker on the calendar on days when I feel in control, just so I can say for sure that it's hormonal or not.

I do a LOT of activities outside of my home, mostly things that directly or indirectly benefit my family. MOPS, Sunday School, Girls' Nite Out, Once A Month Cooking, playdates, etc. I love it, but it all comes back around to the good of my family. None of it is purely selfish.

We have recently made a huge decision, something that has been weighing me down for months...maybe even years. I've been so conflicted about which course would be the right course for our family. The question: Should we send them to school or homeschool them? Seems relatively simple. To many, the answer is obvious and simple, but for me, it has been severely complicated. I want to do what's best for my kids, and I often feel that I can personally provide that for them. I do provide that for them every day, with the support of my husband, who works so I can stay home with them. I'm creative, energetic, and I love spending my days with my children. It's fun! But it's also extremely draining.

If I homeschooled them, could I keep up this energy and enthusiasm for years while happily living on a painfully tight budget? I don't shop. I wear hand-me-downs. I cut my own hair sometimes. I cut my husband's and son's hair. We share a car. I clean my own house (or just let it be dirty for a few days until I feel up to the challenge). I walk everywhere that I can with the kids and only do activities that are free or dirt cheap. I don't get my nails done, I don't have massages, I don't wear brand names, and I don't pay for childcare.

But the car will soon need replacing. And our son just turned five, which means he needs to start Kindergarten in the fall. Change is on the wind here, and change can be good. We've had a long discussion, an ongoing discussion that we pick up during quiet moments when adult conversation can happen with only a few interruptions. He says he knows that I am capable of homeschooling the children, but is concerned that I will not do well personally. We feel we can supplement their education as needed and perhaps it is time for me to contribute to the family budget...that's hard to hear when you've been planning to be a stay-at-home mom indefinitely. But I want to get serious about my writing. I really think I have a book in me that needs to come out. Probably a book for adolescent readers, maybe teens...not sure yet, but I am so excited at the prospect of having some writing time. Wow...time for me to just think about ideas, be creative, and pursue a dream.

Now I'm asking myself, Is that selfish of me to want some time to myself? To prefer sending my child to a stranger for his education when I can provide an individualized education right here? Is this really for the good of the family? My husband thinks it is, and this is one of those times when I will happily defer to his judgement. He sees what a mess I am by the end of the day. I have nothing left to give. I don't want to be like that for the next 10 years!

So, after a sleepless night last night for both of us, we have concluded that a public education is truly what is best for us, as a family. I am relieved, but oddly disappointed at the same time. Kind of similar to the way I felt a few months ago when we officially decided that we are done having babies. If I could miraculously give birth to a 9-year-old, that would be great. We love having our 9 1/2-year-old niece over to spend the night...she's the perfect age to play with the kids without competing with them, she's extremely helpful, and completely verbal and potty trained! But, alas, popping out a 9-year-old is unheard of and probably not good for me...one can dream, though!

The thought of sending the kids off with the majority of the population for their education is somewhat soothing, yet scary at the same time. Conflicting, I know. But maybe I have to get over my over-achieving tendencies and give up a bit of control to God. He will provide. It's soothing me just to type it out and read those words. God WILL provide. I just need trust in Him.

My children will learn what they need to know and God will equip us to provide whatever they don't learn in school. God will guide us as we tackle the tough lessons they will learn from their peers, and our family will be their backbone and their faith will give them strength when they feel lonely and afraid. It will be hard, but I'm already excited about the possibilities in my future. And I have a short story that's just begging to become my first novel.

Now, which school should we send him to?...talk about Pandora's Box!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

This morning was a monumental one in our household. Our adorable little two-year-old son used the potty for the first time. He really used it. There was cheering, congratulating, sticker-ing, and even picture taking (Yeah, I know--I never would have done this had I not seen Kate Gosselin do it on her show. I thought it was disgusting when she did it, but I guess we can just add this to the list of how much of a hypocrite I've become since I became a mom...)

But here's the thing. If I'm truly honest I have to admit...I'm terrified of this new milestone. Things are changing around here, and I'm not big on change.

I know that the end result of potty training will be cheaper, but I'm sure we'll find something else to spend our once-allocated-for-diapers money on. It will probably be less work for me since I will eventually become a less integral part of the whole process once the diaper changing days are over, but what will I spend my time doing then? Is this the point where I get to start eating bonbons and watching soap operas? I'm up for more candy, but soap operas get boring after a while. Is he going to stop needing me now? Potty training today, off to college tomorrow...time is just flying by and I don't know what to do!

(taking a breath)

All right, sorry about that. I guess it's just that this morning was a clear example of something I've known for a while but have wanted to avoid. He's growing up and he won't always be the charming little guy he is now. He went to bed last night having never used the potty, and he woke up this morning a potty-goer. He will absolutely be a charming bigger guy, and then an even more charming even bigger guy, but I will always remember these days of new words and first times with fondness.

So, I'm going to spend this Sunday afternoon with our little guy, celebrating his successes, mending his boo boos, and thinking about today. And changing his diapers, if only for a little while longer.

Have a Phenoneum Day

"Mommy, I'm gonna try with all my heart and all my muscles

to be a good boy and have a phenoneum day."

Me, too, buddy. Me, too.

Now

It's the end of summer, they say, and in one three-day weekend the fireflies, sandboxes, and swimsuits of yesterday give way to the school books, pumpkins, and sweaters of tomorrow. Summer clearance sales abound, and Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are already making appearances in the retail world. It's easy to look to the past with nostalgia and to the future with anticipation all at once.

This weekend, though, instead of reflecting on the excitement of summer and the magic of the coming holiday season, I'm going to live now. I'm going to blow bubbles and run on the green grass, throw baseballs and eat ice cream cones. I'm going to spend time telling stories in lawn chairs until dusk. Let Tuesday come when it will, and all that will follow, but this weekend is for now, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

I hope you enjoy every minute of your weekend, too!