...because we all have our motley moments!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

How I Dented the Car

Me: (sing-song voice) Come on Princess, we have to get going! Go get your shoes, from your closet, please. We are going to meet your friends. We have to leave quickly to be there on time.

THE Princess: Okay mom. Just a second.

Me: Okay. I am going to put your brother in his carrier. Do you have your shoes on?

P: silence

Me: Okay, I have your brother buckled up. We have to get going now. (Throwing a few diapers in the diaper bag and checking to make sure we have a paci.)

P: I can't find my other Dora jelly! WHAAAAA!

Me: It's in your closet, honey. Beside your pink cowgirl boots. Look there. (Getting a cup with a lid and filling it with water, gathering a granola bar and crackers in a baggie, throwing it all in diaper bag.)

P: I found it, Mom! I'm coming.

KOTJ: starting to fuss

Me: Princess, what are you doing? Your brother is starting to fuss, come on!

P: Wait! I have to get my purse! Mommy, where is my purse? I can't find it! WWHHHAAAA!

Me: It's on your bed. Right there.

P: No! I need the pink one! It has my Cinderella stuff in it. (getting hysterical) That's the red one with the invitations {read: crushed up papers}. I don't want that one! I want the pink one!

Me: Honey, calm down. The pink one is beside the red one. Right there.


Me: (running upstairs into her room) See, here it is, honey. Right beside the red purse. Come on, let's go! (grabbing her hand and the PINK purse)

P: Mom, do you have diapers for brother?

Me: Yes. Let's go.

P: I need a drink.

Me: I have water in my bag for you and some snacks just in case you get hungry.

P: Do you have a 'nola bar?

Me: Yes.

P: The good kind?

Me: Yes, the kind you like.

Me: (gathering up diaper bag, baby sling, KOTJ in baby carrier) Okay, I am setting the house alarm. Go to the back door so it doesn't go off. (setting alarm)

P: Mom, I need to go pee pee.

Me: Didn't you just go a few minutes a go? Are you sure you need to go?

P: Yes, I HAVE to go pee pee.

Me: (un-arming alarm and setting everything on the floor) Come on, let's go. Sigh.

P: (walks into the potty, gets pants undone, pulls stool over) Never mind. I don't have to go.

Me: You're already in here, why don't you try?

P: No, I don't have to go. Can I have a Popsicle for the car?

Me: No, we are going to be late, buckle up your pants and let's go!

P: But I want a poppy! Please mommy? Please? (fake sweet smile)

Me: You can have one when we get home.

P: We're home now.

Me: When we get back.

P: Brother is crying. We need to go.

Me: (internal scream) Okay, let's go. (picking everything back up and arming alarm) We need to hurry, I just armed the alarm, we don't want it to go off!

P: Don't let Sammy [the dog] out! No Sam! Stay back Sam!

Me: He's not coming out, don't worry. Let's go. Remember the alarm?

P: (opening the door, runs out with me and brother in tow, and promptly slams the door on my hand) Move your hand mom! The alarm!

Me: (muffled) Owwww! (unlocking and opening car door with unmangled hand) Let me open the car door for you and you can get into your car seat. Princess, come on, what are you doing over there?

P: There's a bug, mom. An ant. I'll kill it. (running around stomping her feet)

Me: Leave the ant alone. Come get into your car seat. Please.

P: Okay. (climbing in car)

Me: (snapping KOTJ into car seat base using my good hand) Jump up into your seat and hook your seat belt. (reaching through the passenger side to turn on the ignition and start the AC)

P: Hold on mom, I need a book. (slowly looks through her library that is my back seat and settles on a book)

Me: I am coming to the other side to check your seat belt. Jump into your seat please.

P: (clicking seat belt) Where's my other book?

Me: (checking seat belt) What other book?

P: The one with the chickens.

Me: This one? (handing her a book)

P: NOOO! This one has chicks! I want the one with the chickens!!

Me: I'll look once we get going. (jumping into my seat, and clicking seat belt) Can you put the paci back into brother's mouth, he is starting to cry again.

P: (plugging her ears with her fingers and yelling) Mom, brother needs his paci! It fell out of his mouth! He's crying so loud! MOOOMMMMM!

Me: (wrenching myself to reach into the car seat and find the paci) Okay, I got it. He's stopping, honey. (and since I am already contorting my body) Is this the book with the chicks?

P: I don't want that book anymore. Where's my purse?

Me: (dropping the book on the floorboard and putting the car in reverse) It's there beside you in your car seat.

P: No!! I want the red one! It has my invitations. I need them for my friends.

Me: Honey, I thought you wanted that one, the pink one. The one we brought. The red one is on your bed, we'll get it when we get back from seeing our friends. Where is your other shoe?

P: I couldn't find it. I told you!

Me: (silently counting to 10 to remain sane and then deciding to count again, but this time to 20)

P: Mom, my shoe!

Me: I have your pink flip flops in the back of the car. You can wear those when we get there.

P: I need shoes now. My feet will get dirty.

Me: You are in your car seat. How could they get dirty? (considering my car, they might, but I am choosing to ignore that right now) You'll be fine until we get there. It only takes a few minutes.

P: I need a drink.

Me: (handing her the cup from the diaper bag) Me, too.

P: Do you want some of my water? I'll share.

Me: That's sweet honey, no thanks. I was thinking of another kind of drink.

P: Iced tea? You like iced tea. Mom, put on the Go Fish guys! I want Superstar!

Me: (backing out of the driveway nearly missing the gate and the mailbox) In a second honey, I have to get going then I'll put in your music.

We have some version of this conversation, every time we go somewhere. Sometimes getting everyone into the car is the biggest reward of my day. No wonder I occasionally experience driving, ahem, complications.

Unfortunately, I dented the car by backing into the gate and scraping the side against the mailbox when I was all by myself. I guess I wasn't used to getting in and going like a normal person. I need the chaos, it makes me a better driver. I promise.


Teresa said...

I can realate to all of this! Somedays, leaving the house seems impossible!

Donna said...

SOOOOO, SOOOOO MY LIFE!!! The meandering conversations go right along with the meandering child. If you hear me hollering at my children at a playdate, it's because I've ALREADY been patient and it DIDN'T HELP!!! Hollering doesn't help either, but I do it anyway, and then I feel really bad, and then my kids get cranky, and then our day morphs into one of THOSE DAYS...you know the kind...

I think it's hilarious that you dented the car while driving ALONE!

Bryssy said...

I know. What is wrong with me? Seriously. At least it was my car and not RM's. That would be really bad.

And yes, sometimes our day gets worse. But most times, getting in the car is the worst part, and it gets better after that.

Unless we have to get back into the car to come home. Then we do it again.

Thank goodness I am restrained in my seat belt for a bit, it helps me regain my sanity. Kind of.

mulletmom said...

Wow, since our "princess's" entire vocabulary only clearly consists of the word "dog", I cannot imagine what it'll be like when she's got that much to say. Guess the harder days are still to come...


Karly said...

WOW! It's like we must all be living in parallel universes! This is what I experience daily! I find that getting out of the house and into the car is one of the most exhausting ordeals of my day. I feel tired just reading your post! Sorry about your car! :) It's true, as moms we learn to thrive in chaos, and don't function quite as well without it.

Shelly said...

Oh, my how I can relate. I have given up on talking my son into wearing certain things. And now I just struggle with getting them both in the car. And not running around in the front yard! you should see me in the school car line. Honey buckle up there are people waiting on us. - But mom guess what I did today. - Honey you can tell me and buckle at the same time! :)

And hubb comes home and thinks I am yelling at them. Well, like you it is from trying to be calm all day and reaching my limit!


Cher said...

oh, the patience of a mother! :) You're amazing! Thanks for linking up on Love Actually today!

Shay, Chelsea and Jonas Allen said...

I still occasionally delude myself into thinking that leaving the house will be fun, it will be good for us, etc. Then I actually do it and am reminded why I don't do it very often. My house may be a boring mess, but at least we can stay in our pajamas to be there.