...because we all have our motley moments!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Bad Karma Lipstick: A Good Mom Gone Bad

My children are skilled shoplifters. Untrained, but skilled, nonetheless, and I have now become an accomplice.

I once had to shamefacedly return a shoe my kid snagged in a Payless. We got all the way to the other end of the mall before I realized my one-year-old was gnawing happily on a size 12 leopard stiletto...nice.

When KID 1 was 2 1/2 years old, we went to Vermont on vacation. I was six months pregnant with KID 2 at the time, our little girl. We found this neat little town (I conveniently forget the name of the town) with a cool historic district...lots of little shops, boutiques, and interesting places to eat. Just our kind of place.

The highlight of our walking tour was a little drugstore/gift shop with an amazing toy shop in its basement. We had a hard time pulling ourselves away from this store. I mean, my husband and I are really two little kids when it comes to great toys, and we're suckers for well-made wooden toys.

As Paul stood in line to pay, I pushed the stroller over to browse the biggest display of
Burt's Bees products I had ever seen, including silver tubes of actual lipstick. And it was minty, just like the gloss I already liked so much.

But I resisted the temptation to buy lipstick, since we were already spending over $100 on toys...a completely and totally necessary expense--we really needed that nesting cube of building blocks and tray of wooden beads with posts and pattern cards (also wood). Priorities, you know?

Anyway, we had a great day exploring the town, but by the end, we were exhausted and bedraggled. So, in a late afternoon thunderstorm, swaddled with packages, diaper bag, and toddler, we ran with the stroller (I did that weird pregnant waddle/run/support the underbelly gracefully move) to the outskirts of town where we parked the car that morning.

We got the baby strapped into his car seat and hauled the stroller into the back. Something fell out and rolled under the car. It was a silver tube.

Apparently, our son really liked that Burt's Bees lipstick, too. Fig...that's the name of this awesome lipstick color.

I felt so guilty, but I was NOT going to walk all the way back to the other side of town in the rain to bring back the lifted lipstick. I justified this decision by pointing out 1) how swollen my feet were, and 2) how much we spent in that particular store. They should have thrown in two or three tubes of lipstick! We headed out of town.

For the last two years, I'm ashamed to admit, this lipstick has been my guilty pleasure. I'm complimented almost every time I wear this beautiful shade, plus my husband loves the minty flavor it leaves behind when he kisses me.

The irony of this situation is that I always pride myself on doing the right thing. Especially as a mom, I hold myself to a very high standard. I go to church every Sunday and teach Sunday school once a month. And now, in a moment of pregnancy-induced weakness, motherhood has turned me into a petty thief!

A few days ago, as I got ready to leave the house, I twisted up my favorite lipstick and found it bitten down to a stub. KID 2 had indulged in a little snackie while she perused the contents of my purse. I should have known that lipstick had bad karma.

And if I ever get back to that quaint little Vermont town and find that shop, I swear I'll do the right thing. But in the meantime, God, forgive me, I'm gonna keep digging my pinkie into the tube and smudging it across my lips until every minty bit of color is gone...as my punishment, of course.


Karly said...

Hilarious!! I must say, I do love that lip color on you. I would love to some FIG lipstick for myself. Maybe I should get one for both of us!! Also, if it makes you feel any better, I can't tell you how many times I have found a little "freebie" in the bottom of the stroller at the end of a shopping trip. I try to make it right whenever I can. Yet, I am sure there are more than a few items around this house with "Bad Karma".

Bryssy said...

If it makes you feel any better, children don't completely understand ownership until they are 7 or 8 years old. Truly funny, Donna!

Rachel said...

Great story, but I especially love the pic--the lipstick looks so ominous with the dark shadow stretching behind it!