- Stumped: To surprise my husband, I decided to try my hand at lawn-mowing. The kids were playing happily in the back yard, so I rolled out the push mower, figured out how to start it (it took me a few minutes...I won't tell you how I did it, so you can still honestly say you don't know how to start the mower), and then heaved my way around the yard, making cool patterns in the tall, thick grass. This is not how my husband does it, but I had a system, I swear. Within the first 10 minutes, I ran over a stump and broke the mower. Apparently, I broke more than just the blade...my husband's initial assessment is that the shaft thingy that goes up into the motor is bent. I broke it good. And this is Florida, people. In the rainy season. We now have a jungle out back.
- Reverse-Cinderella Story: My daughter had a bad diaper rash and I was letting her go diaperless for a little while to give her bottom a little fresh air. This is what all the "Good Mommy" books say to do. I figured we have hardwood floors, so cleanup is simple if she has an accident. It wasn't long before my son announced, "MOMMMMEEEEE! She poo-pooed on the playroom floor!" Sure enough, the smell hit me as I peeked around the doorframe. So, I got a handful of toilet paper, grabbed up the offensive load, and dumped it in the toilet. I returned with some cleaner to sanitize the floor and, as I scrubbed the floor on hands and knees, pondering how my Cinderella story must be working in reverse, heard, "MOMMMMEEEEEE! She pee-peeed on the living room rug!" That toosh got covered up in a hurry after that...I mean, that's what diaper cream is for, right?
- Hot Potato: I selflessly offered to bake all 40 potatoes for our OAMC day last week, thinking I got the easy job...how hard can it be to bake a potato? I was also very busy organizing the recipes, the shopping list, the "To Do" list, and the email of things the other 7 women needed to bring. In the meantime, the potatoes came out about half their original size, shriveled and blackened. So when I baked the second batch, I used the timer. Only the 15 or so on the bottom rack burned the second time around. That's improvement.
- Romantic Comedy of Errors: I recently organized a "Girls' Nite Out" event through my church for women of all ages. A friend helped me publicize the event, which we decided would be a movie night. I hadn't seen the new-to-DVD romantic comedy and was excited to watch it with friends. Mistake #1: I didn't take the time to learn how to use the high-tech projection theater beforehand. For future reference, pushing the power button repeatedly does NOT make it work better. Mistake #2: I didn't prescreen the movie to check for inappropriate content...I got the dreaded call a few weeks later. PG-13 movies just aren't what they used to be!
So maybe I need to stop trying so hard to do good. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I should actually do LESS. I think maybe if I focused on the things I'm really good at, like eating ice cream and playing with my kids, perhaps everyone would be better off!
But then, maybe God puts people like me on Earth so others can learn from my mistakes and misadventures. Maybe my mission is to keep making a motley mess of things. Then everyone else can count their blessings, knowing they're at least doing better than me!