Risky Business, or Why I Can No Longer Shower Unless My Child Is Asleep

I've been thinking about how my life has changed since I became a mom. There are things that just don't bother me. For instance, I don't mind that my formal living room is now a playroom or that every time I go in the bathroom, the seat is up, there's pee in the toilet, and the hand towel is on the floor. I don't even mind that my family can't have a meal without someone crying or that I now do laundry 4 times a week instead of once. However, I do miss a few things. Going to the bathroom without an audience, for one, and being unable to take a shower unless the kids are asleep is another. Usually I shower when Micah naps because I can put Ethan in front of the TV and he's pretty trustworthy. Friday, though, I had to go to the dentist in the morning and I wasted too much time on Facebook while Todd was here, so I had to shower while both the kids were awake. I'm soaping up my arms when Ethan comes in the bathroom. "Hey, Mom, Micah's doin' somethin'." "What's he doing?" He pulls back the shower curtain. "He got the Tiger and he's on the little couch that's not the big couch." A little background here - Tiger is one of Ethan's special 4 animals that he takes everywhere with him and Micah had been stealing the animals all morning. "Oh, okay," I said to Ethan, closed the curtain, and resumed showering. I began to get a sinking feeling. Why would he come tell me Micah has Tiger? Ethan's a tattletale, but surely he would just yell at Micah and grab Tiger back, especially if Tiger was on the chair (the little couch that's not the big couch, that is), wouldn't he? I dried off and ran into the den stark naked to find Micah holding the bottle of hand sanitizer. Apparently Ethan didn't say Micah had Tiger, he said Micah had hand saniTIZER. He was covered in it and it was all over the chair/little couch that's not the big couch. I started remembering all the things I've read and heard lately about children drinking hand sanitizer and being poisoned. "Micah! Did you eat the sanitizer?" He nodded with a big grin. Of course, he probably would've given me the same response if I asked him if he liked sardines. "Ethan! Did Micah eat the hand sanitizer?" "Yeah." I cleaned him up and watched him for signs of poisoning or, at the very least, drunkenness. He seemed all right to me. And just so you know, the sanitizer was up on a shelf about 5 feet high. He climbed up on the chair/little couch that's not the big couch to get it. He also unscrewed the top of the bottle. So, yeah. Needless to say, I have to keep my eyes on the little guy at all times now. No showering for me unless Micah's asleep or Todd's home. So if you're around me and I'm smelling a little gamey, I'm sorry. At least I have a good reason!