I'm extremely tired as I finally collapse into my office chair to develop this post idea. It's Friday night and the end of a very long week. A week that started out with the threat of yet another major hurricane making landfall here in Florida as a Cat. 4...I'm saying a prayer for you right now, Texas.
When you live in Florida, the dangling participle of North America, hurricane season is always in the back of your mind. Then, during hurricane season, each hurricane that barrels across the Atlantic and trips over Cuba into the Gulf becomes a nagging concern in the forefront of your awareness. In mommy terms - it's just one more thing to stress about.
Which makes me wonder how powerful must our hormones be if, even through a stressful week like this has been for me, dragging myself into bed each night, awakened several times a night by a toddler who isn't sleeping well, struggling to meet the demands of outside obligations I have committed myself to, I'm actually pondering...dare I say it?...could I possibly just be a little crazy?...having a third baby?...surely I didn't just say that. We got rid of all our baby stuff. We were sure.
I love being a mom. I don't love every single thing I have to do as a mom (I'm thinking of a particular line from Karly's post yesterday - "Mooooommm! WIIIIPE MY BOOOOOOTY!"), but as a whole, I love my job. I don't even really think of it as a job. It's part of who I am. I'm Mommy. And I'm good at it. I should be putting more of these awesome little people on the planet, right?
But, as women - aside from how our husbands feel on this issue - in our heart of hearts, when and how do we know that enough is enough?
When you live in Florida, the dangling participle of North America, hurricane season is always in the back of your mind. Then, during hurricane season, each hurricane that barrels across the Atlantic and trips over Cuba into the Gulf becomes a nagging concern in the forefront of your awareness. In mommy terms - it's just one more thing to stress about.
Which makes me wonder how powerful must our hormones be if, even through a stressful week like this has been for me, dragging myself into bed each night, awakened several times a night by a toddler who isn't sleeping well, struggling to meet the demands of outside obligations I have committed myself to, I'm actually pondering...dare I say it?...could I possibly just be a little crazy?...having a third baby?...surely I didn't just say that. We got rid of all our baby stuff. We were sure.
I love being a mom. I don't love every single thing I have to do as a mom (I'm thinking of a particular line from Karly's post yesterday - "Mooooommm! WIIIIPE MY BOOOOOOTY!"), but as a whole, I love my job. I don't even really think of it as a job. It's part of who I am. I'm Mommy. And I'm good at it. I should be putting more of these awesome little people on the planet, right?But, as women - aside from how our husbands feel on this issue - in our heart of hearts, when and how do we know that enough is enough?
4 comments:
I think you should join me--Have three!! Take a walk on the wild side!! With three, you only have two hands, things really get interesting!! :)
To answer your question, we just got home from a family trip to IKEA and we looked at each other and said, "We're DONE!!" Other days we think, "our sons have each other for playmates, maybe we should have one more so our daughter has a playmate."
I think for women, it is always hard to say you are done, even if you are. For men, it's different. My husband would get snipped tomorrow and not think twice about it. Actually, he really might do it. He is definitely done. For me, I feel like I hardly have enough functioning brain cells right now to make dinner, let alone make THAT decision.
Two years ago, I said I was definitely done, but look at the turmoil I'm in now! Paul is aware that my thoughts are tending toward babies these days, but we haven't really seriously talked about it yet.
We'll see.
I realize the desirable number of kids is different for every woman, and also that it's a decision to be made as husband and wife, but I'd love to know if there is ever a point when a woman very definitely knows her baby-making days are over...do we just have to carry this yearning until menopause? Does it go away?
That's a great question, Donna! I've been thinking about it every since I read your post.
I'm not sure you do get over that feeling. Some days I wonder if I'll ever have enough. I love them so much I could take a bite of them.
I know, Bryssy! I just absolutely LOVE kids. I don't have the urge to hold every baby I see...I don't have amnesia about the new baby years. They're not easy.
But I see other families with 3 or 4 kids that seem to function so beautifully. My family is beautiful to me. I just don't want to wonder for the rest of my life if we should have tried for a third child. I also don't want to have my own reality TV show following me to the hospital to pop out my 16th baby!
If this is just hormonal, I guess I can get through it. But if not, I don't want to ignore it!
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