...because we all have our motley moments!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I Am Woman, Hear Me...Whimper

I rarely EVER ask for help. That's not a bragging right, it's more a confession. Convincing myself and others that I can do it all is really not good for anyone. Especially me. I am not superwoman. There. I said it.

It's not good for my daughter to see me striving to do all and be all...what kind of precedent am I setting here? I want my kids to know that it's okay to ask for help. Or to accept help when it's offered.

A friend of mine recently offered to take my kids to the park to give me a little break for an hour or so. She had noticed how tired, stressed and generally underwhelmed I have been lately and generously offered her time in order to give me some time for myself. I was extremely reluctant to accept this help. Why? I guess I've fallen under the delusion that I can handle it all, all the time. I'm home with my kids all day and I'm used to doing everything with them in tow.

Everything except taking time for myself. Writing. Reflecting. Relaxing. Praying. Creating. Very little creativity happens for me if my kids are around. I just can't put my thoughts together enough to generate a creative work when I can hear my kids pounding around the house and yelling at each other. Not possible.

So I forced myself to accept my sweet friend's offer (fully intending to reciprocate somehow for her) and I am looking forward to a morning's hour alone. Wow! To be alone in my own home? I don't think that has happened on a weekday in years. I can't decide what to do first: take a quiet shower? A nap? Start working on character and setting for my currently very short work of fiction? Go for a jog? Make a fresh pot of coffee and surf the net? Clean the house? (probably not that one)...but the possibilities are dizzying!

Maybe I'll start with a shower, have a little chat with God, and then go from there...Thank you, God, for friends who help to brush aside the brambles that grow over this little light of mine. Amen.


Karly said...

Bravo! I know it is not easy for you to let others care for you, but you definitely deserve a little "you" time.

And in the end the whole family reaps the reward of a happpier, healthier mommy.

A couple of weeks ago, Paul let me go away for an overnight to a spa with four friends from church, and he watched all three of the kids for the weekend. It was amazing for me. And we are all still enjoying the benefits of that!

As they say, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

Maria said...

Donna you are soooooo worth it! A Mommy needs some downtime to just be by herself in a quiet house. It's very theraputic. I hope it renews you the way you had hoped.

Bryssy said...

I totally agree with you, Donna. But please don't think you are the only one. So often I feel like I have to do it all by myself, too.

Do you remember last year while I was pregnant with KOTJ and you brought me a dinner because I had been tired and sick? That was just so awesome! Not having to cook for an evening gave me a much needed break.

So, don't feel like you are the only one. I've been so burnt out lately, I been hiring a babysitter each week to come play with my kids while I am home. Isn't that just horrible?

I feel like it is. But the truth is that I just need some time. Time to take a shower by myself. Time to clean the floors. Time to call students. Just time. And, do you ever wonder why I get up at 4:30 am? It's because from 4:30 - 4:45 I drink coffee and have some time with God. After that, I do have to run and pack lunches and get going. But that 15 minutes is just for Him. It's not long, but it's what I can do and it's totally worth crawling out of bed early for.

Liz said...

Bryssy, that's not horrible at all. Don't ever feel guilty for taking time for yourself. It's beneficial to you, your children, and your husband. You're worth it!

Donna said...

Why do we feel so guilt-ridden when we snatch a tiny moment for ourselves? We spend the entire day pouring ourselves into our children and husbands, family and friends. Eventually we need a refill, or we're just pouring air. Just going through some symbolic act of service, without really filling anything up.

I love in the movie "Hope Floats" when the grandmother tells her granddaughter, "My cup runneth over," and later in the movie (after grandma dies) the little girl tells her mother that her cup "runneth over." It's so sweet. But totally unrealistic if we have no time or energy to refill that cup to overflowing.

I am trying to take the time for myself that I have never made the time to take. I went to my workout class on Saturday morning for the first time ever. It was great to leave my family at home and strike out alone for the gym. No one interrupted me halfway through class to come change a poopy diaper (they'll watch the kids, but they can't change their diapers). It was lovely.

Bryssy, if I could hire a babysitter once or twice a week, I would totally do that, too! It's a great idea and I'm really glad you are doing that for yourself. It seems like you're taking yourself away from your family, but you're actually refreshing yourself so you have more to give in the long run.

My hour alone was lovely. I took a quiet shower and spruced myself up a bit. Then my husband came home early and we shared a peaceful lunch. It was awesome! Thank you, Teresa!!!!