Ethan became a toddler. He walked, ran, talked. He had opinions, most of which were not aligned to my own. He napped in his own bed, when he napped. He hit, he yelled, "No!", he refused to hug his grandmother, refused to consume anything but goldfish and apple juice.
Where was my sweet baby, the one who lay on my chest, with his head under my chin?
It was an adjustment, to say the least. And it didn't happen suddenly - he didn't go from a babbling, gummy-smiling baby to a defiant toddler overnight. But I was certainly thrown for a loop. I still loved him, of course, but now I also fought with him, bargained, bribed, negotiated.
We napped separately, when we napped at all. I couldn't even see the baby in the face of this little boy, though I knew they were the same person.
It happened on our trip a couple of weeks ago. I was giving Ethan a bath and a look crossed his face. I saw him. I saw the baby he used to be. I nearly fell over. I also fell in love again. I looked at myself in the mirror and the dopey expression had returned.
I have another grinning, sweet, cuddly baby now - Ethan's brother Micah. I know that soon enough, he'll be an opinionated, defiant toddler. But I pray that I can always see the baby he is now.
When I was pregnant with Ethan, a co-worker gave me great advice. She said, "When my son was born, everyone said, 'Wait till he's two!' and I decided then and there to enjoy him at every age. I enjoyed him when he was two and I enjoy him now that he's a teenager and I'll enjoy him when he's forty. Enjoy your kids, no matter what age they are."
That's what I'm trying to do with my boys - enjoy them more every day instead of wondering where my babies went.
7 comments:
I'm left teary eyed after reading this! It is all so true!
I hope that I will always be able to see a little bit of my adorable baby in my kiddos!
At every single age, I have said that I just wish I could freeze my kids so they never change. Then they change and I wish I could freeze them again! Aren't kids awesome?
I try not to listen to cynical comments like "Oh, just wait 'til he's ___ years old...like they're really saying "The sh#t's really gonna hit the fan then!"
I think some people see a happy mom and happy kid/s and they figure the bubble's bound to burst eventually, so they better warn you now.
What they don't realize is that even on days when the sh#t is actually ON YOU, you get over it, chalk it up to experience, and hope tomorrow's a better day.
And yes, it's actually on me today. We're potty training and extremely independent, so if we have an accident, we go in the bathroom and take of our own diaper and smear the poop all over the floor. Then, when Mommy walks in, she gets a nice, big poopy hug. Yay.
Gross, Donna! Yet I'm laughing out loud. We're starting potty training on Saturday. Hope it's not as exciting as yours is going!
I'm putting you both on the prayer chain! Potty training is serious stuff!
Liz, your story is beautifully written. Enjoyed it!
With my first I couldn't wait for him to get bigger, to walk and talk, etc. With my second and now my third, I am not at all in a hurry for them to grow up. I want to enjoy every fleeting moment. The problem is that with each kid time seems to go by faster and faster, like someone hit the fast forward button. I just want to push pause and enjoy today before it's gone forever.
Hey Liz,
I love your love story. When Alex and I have had a rough day, I still take a nap with him. I like to tell myself that maybe he can tell how much I love him through osmosis. And just look at how cute and little your sweet baby was.
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